pearl {hsau}

break my heart again.

song; break my heart again // finneas 

harry xx

I can't stop my mind from racing. I need answers, I need to talk to her. I need to tell her everything and I need her to listen to me. I can't help but wonder if she even believes that I had no idea about Nana.

Sleep is basically non-existent as I dodge Jeff left and right. Demanding that I pick up the phone and show back up to New York. Do I remind him my contract is up in January?

Do I remind him that once the clock hits midnight on January first he doesn't own me? Do I remind him that if he tries forcing me to tour I will call my lawyer?

I grab my phone off the couch before I get up and head to the kitchen. I'm home alone tonight, and I don't know how to feel. Yes I am a grown man and yes I have basically been alone for the past four years. But, with everything going on I don't like being alone.

Loneliness takes me back to a dark time in New York and I rather not remember it.

I get in the kitchen and open the fridge to see what there is for me to cook up for dinner. Closing it right away with a sigh. Determining that there is nothing in the fridge to make. I wonder what she's doing tonight. Earlier today I stopped over at Canyon Moon to just browse because every time i've been in there it's too just look stupid bringing a girl who doesn't care for me, flowers. Sophia said that she left early because she had some things to take care of.

Is she at home? Home alone just like me?

We both always hated being alone. Just makes my stomach churn knowing I left her alone for four years.

What is she up to? Knowing her, she's either watching the recent season of Real Housewives or writing a new song. She was always writing or perfecting a new song.

I miss her.

I don't deserve to miss her.

But, fuck I miss her.

I wonder if she still has the same number. Wouldn't hurt to try right?

Grabbing my phone from the counter I find my way to the contacts in my phone. Typing in her contact name and it pops up right away. Flashing the picture I have set for her.

Seeing her smiling as I attack her with kisses all while trying to get a picture. Wanting to hold the memory of us forever.

[insert]

Fuck i've missed her.

What should I say?

Hey... No to boring.

Hey, how are you? No, that's a stupid thing to ask.

Hey, can we talk? No bozo, she doesn't.

Harry just give her an invitation, you idiot.

To: Dizzle
Hey so I am home alone tonight and idk I have lots running through my mind. Would you like to come over? I have your favorite wine and I got Dominoes delivered. H xx

After hovering over the send button for a good few minutes I send it with a sigh. What's the worst she can say? No? That's okay if she says no.

Once I text her I open the Dominoes app and customize a large hand tossed veggie pizza with half bacon. Making sure I get extra buffalo dipping sauce and her favorite thing in the entire world; the crunchy lava cakes. Just in case she does come over.

After I order the pizza for delivery I quickly make sure my mom has Margots favorite chardonnay in the fridge. My mom always keeps a bottle just in case. I start pacing all throughout the house.