ditto | woosan

sweater

wooyoung's point of view.

adrenaline raced to my head as we ran together, losing ourselves a little. i felt weightless with him, not even something as little as catching my breath could stop me.
we ran, not to a particular destination, but together. we were running together. that was all that mattered to me.

in the distance i saw a black cat. i looked back, and then i looked forward again, and it was gone.

we stopped for a moment, our breaths visible in the icy atmosphere. the environment around us felt familiar, as we walked further into the mist.
san grabbed my hand and rubbed his warm thumb over it, smiling warmly to himself.
both of our eyes locked with a sparkling fresh layer of ice, with naked waving trees surrounding it being blown by the gentle wind.

"this is where we first skated together," i proudly stated, "it was the closest thing i've ever felt to flying."

san skimmed his thumb over the back of my hand even faster now, and i could faintly hear his heartbeat.
"i guess we can't skate today. but it's nice to look at and reminisce the past."

"i couldn't agree more..." i rested my head on his shoulder, the warm feeling in my heart fulfilling the coldness of the frosty air painting our faces and fingers.

i pulled out my camcorder from my messenger bag hanging loosely off my shoulder and filmed the surroundings, but stopped for a few beats when san's face was focused in the video.
he was quick to take the cam from my hands and film me instead, saying those sweet words he had always said to me.
his kindest words always got rid of the dark cloudy thoughts i ever once had about my appearance.

he handed back the camera after filming a few small clips of him pinching my cheeks, booping my nose and any other cheesy shit you could think of.
part of me wanted to instantly delete those recordings and get rid of them forever. i never record my face.
but how would i have any memory of the sweet words he had always said to me?

at this moment, the cold was catching up to me now, my shivering hand still interlinked with san's, like a soul tie.
"take my sweater, love."

our hands were unlinked for a small moment as he took it off, revealing his uniform underneath.

"san, no. keep it on, i'll be okay."

"take it, wooyoung."

i was made compliant immediately; there was no point in fighting a battle that i know i'd lose immediately after all.
the sweater was still slightly damp but the running we had done earlier had aired it out a little.
i slipped the sweater on, the sleeves a long enough to cover my hands completely. it had a thick thermal lining inside, warming me up almost immediately.

the guilt of taking his sweater overwhelmed me to the point where i confided in side-hugging him, in hopes of warming up his bare arms which were now on full display.
he kissed the arm tightly wrapped around the front of him and placed a hand on my back.

i felt such a comfort in him.

i could've never imagined a life without him.

is he even real?

he's just too perfect.

~

as i stepped indoors, i immediately felt the cold sensation which i had lost when i was with him.
the air around me felt heavier than before.
i didn't even bother facing my mothers. i couldn't.
it felt like the only seratonin my body could produce was handed to me from him.
my heart, my body, my fingertips, my eyes were all on him.
i was all over him.

christmas was a few days away, and the 'truth about me' was yet to be revealed.
they were always so nervous to talk to me now. as if i'm not a real person. their faces when i walk into the room look like they'd seen a ghost.
maybe i was a ghost. wandering around them, burdening them.
i didn't want to know. i wish i didn't find out.
otherwise i wouldn't be here, documenting this.

is someone calling me?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

A/N

so basically uhhh

  🦍