ditto | woosan

truth behind the blank eyes

he opened the door weakly, small soft tears falling from his face before he decided to harshly wipe them away. his body was static, his head rushed with question after question; what is the truth? the truth about him?

obviously he didn't want to know. but there was no escaping it as he stepped foot into his home - that of which was he was barely even able to call 'home'.
he shuddered, losing control of himself by every passing moment.

"hi honey, are you feeling okay?" one of his mothers questioned, looking at the glossy-eyed boy with worry.
"i'm fine," wooyoung lied "it's so cold out there now..."
"hang out with that boy again today?" his mother asked, shooting a concerned look to the other woman in the hall.
"y-yeah." wooyoung felt like breaking down again, but surpressed his emotions as he didn't want to worry them too much.
"can we.. talk to you, about something..?"
she grabbed his hand, rubbing her finger over his knuckles tenderly.
"fire away." wooyoung said plainly, face going blank, staring straight at the floor.

he was led to the living room, but refused to sit knowing that if he had sat down he'd cry again. every little action he did or every little thing he saw would remind him of him. his legs shook in anticipation, awaiting the end of his life right about then.

"you remember when we took you to see Dr. Seo not too long ago?" one of them asked.

"yeah, he was nice." he replied blankly.

"lovely guy. he was handsome wasn't he?"

"i guess so." wooyoung twiddled his fingers.

"well, he gave us a call a couple of months ago, and he suggested we tell you what he found out.." his mother choked, struggling to say it in confidence.

"it was just a regular checkup though, right?"

"wooyoung, darling, listen to me," she motioned for him to sit down, and in which he did, but struggled to hold back tears. he was surprised he still had any left to cry.
"you remember your.. friends you made around our neighbourhood when you were little?"

"yeah..?"

"and then they just... left one day?"

"mhm, you told me they all had to move."

"you were so upset weren't you..?"

"upset is an understatement."

"remember when i got you your first camera? it was a little one, but you absolutely loved it," his mother shuffled in her seat, reaching behind her to grab something. she pulled out a small, grey camcorder, decorated with cat stickers. "i found it!"

she held it out for wooyoung to take, but wooyoung hesitated.

"i'm sorry but what does this have to do with Dr. Seo?" he asked, completely unaware of where this was going, taking the camera from his mother's hand.

"i want you to turn it on and rewatch the videos you captured."

"are you trying to make me cry?" wooyoung asked, a little sass in his tone.

"no. i'm not. just play the videos."

he rolled his eyes and turned the camera on, navigating to the saved films. he played the first one with hesitation. it was only 6 seconds, but all was displayed was a shaky video of.. nothing but trees.
confused, he played the second video; again, displaying nothing but cars passing by.

"i don't get it, it's just videos of literally nothing?"

"that's what we wanted to talk to you about."

"my failing career in videography? i know, say it!" he exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. "is this all you wanted to tell me?"

"no, don't say that." his mother sighed, putting her face in her hands.
his other mother comforted her, and cleared her throat.
"what she's trying to say is, remember your childhood. remember your whole life. what have you always loved to do? what do you use your camcorders for?"

it still wasn't clicking for the boy.

"filming shitty videos of my friends?"

"somewhat, yeah. do you remember how you always used to film those friends you had on that camera?"

"vaguely," wooyoung bit his lip. "but they're not in these videos. must be the footage fucking up or something."

"wooyoung, what if we told you, those friends you filmed... weren't actually there at all?"

wooyoung laughed. then laughed again. "you're fucking with me, right?"

"dead serious, wooyoung. think about it."

"what so they were just, imaginary? so then what about all of those drawings on the fridge? the ones you kept up there to embarrass me?"

"you were only a kid. that's what we initially thought. just 'imaginary friends'. but Dr. Seo told us it's more.. serious than that."

"so, what? they just weren't real? this is so stupid."

"basically, yeah." his mother sounded cold, but wooyoung could see the pale, sick expression on her face. his other mom was panicking, to put it plainly.

"you're joking.. right? haha, april fools wooyoung! you got me!" he joked, laughing behind distraught tears, finally breaking his barriers and letting them free.

"it's december, wooyoung, for fuck sake why would we pull something like this for fun!?"

"oh, so what's next? you're gonna tell me
you two aren't real either? san wasn't real? gigi wasn't real? hongjoong and seonghwa aren't real?"

they stayed silent, all they could do was look at him, teary-eyed, feeling their hearts shatting simultaneously.
"w-we're both real, and gigi was too, b-but-"

"i don't believe this. i'll show you videos of all of them."

he fumbled around for his camcorder, and replayed those videos. wooyoung never replayed the videos of san. he knew he could just go and see him in real life, so this was actually a first for him. he knew experiencing those moments in real time would be more precious than sitting there watching them through a tiny screen.

the video played, the screen displaying a cinematic scene of a frozen lake, the sun setting above it.
but no evidence of san's existence was shown.
he hurriedly flicked through the rest of the videos, desperate to find one of his face.

"w-what..?"

"wooyoung, Dr. Seo thinks you might be schizophrenic."

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A/N

finally putting an end to this shit ass story