Dork Diaries 9: Tales From a Not-So Dorky Drama Queen [#Wattys2015]

Tuesday April 8th

Since my life has officially plummeted down the disgusting hair-riddles girls' locker room drain I was forced to clean last week, I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse. I'm never wrong but this time, I was!

I had to babysit my demon sister, Amanda and my mother forced me to take her to her favorite kiddie beauty salon, Princess Pride. It is sooo obsolete to this world. Do you have any idea how out of style their eye shadow palettes are and how tacky the lipstick colors are presented? Not my idea of spending a sunny Tuesday afternoon.

Besides, I wanted to go to Hollister Co. (my aunt on my mother's side owns that place) because not only do I get a 60% discount on all merchandise for being the owner's niece but there was a sale on all flip flops! I needed to buy some palm tree flip flops for my next visits to Aunt Clarissa's place because I'm fabulous like that.

But, alas, no.

As I was sitting there on my phone in the uncomfortable, sticky, bean bag chair while Amanda was getting pampered to look like Miss Piggy, I had to suffer by looking at all the snaps from Brandon's snapchat with the dork at Fuzzy Friends. They were shampooing those flea-infested fur balls and ended up getting more soap on themselves.

It seems like they made up.

Well, good for them! But it won't last very long because I have a plan.

I can't believe I'm saying this but Nikki needs to be completely out of the picture.

As in.........murder.

But people will think it was just a tragic accident.

Just.

A.

Tragic.

Accident.

So plan A: try to poison her lunch food with some nicotine I can snag from Pat the Rat (don't ask, Patrick is actually some kind of juvenile drug dealer or something.)

So tomorrow I will try to coax Patrick to get me a vile of nicotine and fulfill my dirty deed.

If that doesn't work, plan B: start a fire at school and somehow try to make sure she doesn't escape. If she's in the bathroom, jam that bathroom stall door and THAT deed is done.

And if that doesnt work, plan C: cyberbully her so much and make everyone hate her that she will never see a purpose in her life and ultimately commit suicide.

That way my hands won't be bloody.

I know, my fellow divas. Its tricky but I know you'll be cheering me on. Go team Mac!

Oh! Its time to go. Amanda looks like a baby prostitute in all that makeup and smells like one too. Gross!

Then I have to be the one to clean all that gunk off her face.

Toodles.

A/N yay update! Mac is so psycho!  -Ciara