"Hidden Chasms" - SakuAtsu | Hurt/Comfort

To Calm

The door clicked open. The person didn't even bother ringing the doorbell or knocking, leaving only one possibility of who it was.

"Kiyo?" The voice of his cousin echoed through the flat as the door shut close behind him. Sakusa could hear him take off his shoes and the quiet steps as he searched the apartment for him. He probably should have answered but his mouth felt too dry.

Mere seconds later Komori appeared in the doorframe to his bedroom, his expression uncharacteristically mellow.

"Hey..." he said softly.

Sakusa looked up from where he sat next to the bed on the ground. His whole posture was tense as he tried to keep his mind occupied.

A small, compassionate smile spread on his cousin's face as he slowly entered the room and sat down beside him. He kept a comfortable distance between them as he knew Sakusa needed at the moment.

"So... what happened?" he asked carefully.
He knew this wasn't just a relapse out of the blue. Komori was one of the few Sakusa allowed close to him and as such he knew him well. His cousin had accompanied him on his healing journey every part of the way Sakusa allowed him to share.

The raven tried to answer but his throat felt like an invisible string was wrapping itself around it and he couldn't find the words he needed. Suddenly his mind was blank, while his inner turmoil became an incoherent mess of entangled thoughts.

"It's about Atsumu, isn't it?" Komori continued.

Sakusa pressed his lips together and nodded. A sudden pressure built behind his eyes but he knew that even if he wanted to he couldn't cry now.

"Did you two fight?"

He shook his head and with a deep breath straightened his back.
"No... He- I think I messed up."

"How?"

It took the ace a moment to respond. His eyes fixated on his fingers which were still red from the scrubbing. A couple of cracks appeared where they had started to dry up. He would have to-
Suddenly Komori got up and left. Sakusa observed him a little stunned, his gaze fixed on the door when he returned. In his hands, he held a small jar of ointment. The libero kneeled down in front of him and slowly freed the spiker's hands from where Sakusa had clasped them together.

Wordlessly he applied the medicine to his reddened skin. Sakusa could see the worry reflected in his eyes, absent of disappointment or accusation, as his cousin took in the extent of his 'injuries'. It made his heart squeeze with guilt. That he seemed to have a lot of lately.

"Atsumu was scared of me." His voice was thin, as though it would break when he spoke the words into existence.

"What...? Scared? Why scared?" Komori looked at him confused.

"I don't know... I- I said something, called him 'babe' and he acted... weird about it. Then when I asked he left and- and...
"I tried to stop him and he looked at me like he was terrified... Motoya, am I becoming like father?"
Sakusa's voice almost broke toward the end and his eyes were widened and filled with terror.

"What?! No! Kiyo, why would you even think that?"
The libero's eyes widened in utter shock like he couldn't quite process what the other had just said.

Sakusa let his head hang low and pulled his knees tighter again as he let his hands fall loosely on top of them.

"Okay, let's take this step by step, yes?" his cousin suggested.

He nodded weakly.

"First, you are not like your father. You will never be like him. He is an asshole."