"Hidden Chasms" - SakuAtsu | Hurt/Comfort

To Be Safe

Content warnings:
- Mention of PAST abuse

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"His name was Yoshida," Atsumu said quietly.

Sakusa looked up surprised. They had snuggled up in bed together after eating and waiting for Atsumu to calm down but evidently, neither of them found sleep.
He sat up and turned on the lamp on his nightstand. When his gaze fell on Atsumu he gulped. The setter's eyes were unfocused as though they were looking at something in the far far distance, Sakusa was unable to see.

He had theories about who this Yoshida guy was. Theories that became more elaborate and uglier with every crumb of information he was given.
"You mean the guy you saw at the store today?" he asked slowly

His tone was careful. He saw what it did to Atsumu. The simple image of this guy seemed to invoke memories that paralyzed him. Slowly Sakusa reached out to take his hand.
Atsumu flinched briefly as his fingers ghosted over his skin but intertwined their fingers regardless and nodded slowly.
"He... he was my- boyfriend... before you."

He saw how much it cost the setter to say the words and squeezed his hand reassuringly. Sakusa felt dread pooling in his stomach. It wasn't like he hadn't considered that before but part of him had hoped their past had been that of toxic friendship or just an unlucky encounter. This made more sense but he wished it wouldn't.
"He wasn't... good to you?"

It was more of a statement than a question but Atsumu answered regardless and shook his head.
"He was nice at the beginning. Very charming and... He- he said he cared so much, that I was the most important thing in the world," Atsumu began to explain.

Every word felt like acid dripping onto his skin. Atsumu was one of the most important things in the world, in his world. He should have cared about him. But Sakusa recognized this as what it was "love bombing". A tactic used by abusers to rope in their victims. A honey trap.

"But then... It started with little things, like criticising what I did and then how I looked. He would get loud, demanding and then apologize.
"But the apologies and good days became less frequent and he made me feel like I was at fault for his behaviour. That he had to... punish me."
His voice almost broke and Sakusa couldn't bear it anymore. He gently tugged at Atsumu's hand to ask if it was okay but instead of an answer the setter pulled the blanket aside and snuggled up to him. Immediately Sakusa pulled him into the embrace and soothingly rubbed over his arm.

"He said... after I caught him cheating the first time and refused to sleep with him he said he had to cheat because of that. And..." Atsumu continued. His voice broke and he took a shaky breath before continuing. "Osamu got me out. I was too deep to say anything, he made me think it was normal but Samu saw the bruises and saw red."

Sakusa could imagine it. Even without spelling it out for him, he knew what this meant. Yoshida had crossed the line to physical violence. He felt the same anger he was sure had driven the younger Miya, spreading just under his skin.
He held Atsumu tighter.

"I stayed with Samu and Sunarin after that. They helped me get a restraining order but there wasn't much more we could do."

Sakusa felt Atsumu struggling to keep his breathing even and the dampness as he hid his face against his chest and cried.
"I'm so sorry, Atsumu, that he did that to you. You didn't deserve that."

All he got in response was a sob and it clawed at his heart.
Atsumu was his sunshine. His daylight and beacon. How could anyone ever wish to diminish his light? He was gorgeous when he shone the brightest. It was painful seeing him hurt.
"I will never hurt you like that. I know these memories won't vanish from one day to another but I'll be here. You just tell me what you need."