Never Again

Chapter Seven - You Didn't Say Goodbye To Me

One day, as I was walking down the street, an old car stopped in front of me with a weird sound. I looked up and saw Matt. He furiously got out of the car and menacingly came towards me, but calmed down when he noticed my lack of reaction.

"You are still with him, aren't you?"

I was suddenly sure he was having some mental disorders. After a year, he was still thinking I owed him something.

"What do you want, Matt?"

"I want you back!"

"Back? I was never yours in the first place."

"If you say that one more time, I'll...."

"You'll what? Hit me? Please, take your act somewhere else, because I want nothing to do with you."

He furiously went back to his car. "This isn't over!" He got into the car and sped away.

Calm down, crazy eyes. How could he still believe there was something going on between us two?
Dana and her stupid choices of men. Oh, look who's talking. The one with the perfect relationship, right?

I had finally gotten enough of it. Enough of Ray, enough of Anna, enough of Dana, enough of everyone. Ray had this friend, Blake. Blake wasn't really that cute and he surely wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. But he had beautiful eyes.

One night, while spending some time at Ray's house - me, Ray, Blake and another guy whose name or face I can't remember -, Blake was so clearly flirting with me that it became unbearable. Ray didn't react in any way. He even laughed at some of Blake's pathetic attempts to catch my attention. That made me realize he didn't really care. He didn't really care if I would take Blake into the other room and do whatever I wanted. He really thought I would. I think he believed that, no matter who we slept with, we would still find each other in all that mess.

I rejected Blake, following Ray's reaction all the while. I couldn't believe how okay he was with all that and I even thought he had been the one to put the idea into Blake's head. What other reason would there be? I didn't think Blake would be stupid enough to try the water in front of Ray.

I stood up and headed to the kitchen. I wanted some water and to be alone for a few minutes, because my head was spinning. Ray didn't let me be alone. He followed me with a confused expression.

"What are we doing, Ray? Are you somehow testing me? Or you really want me to sleep with that moron?"

He laughed. "I just wanted to see your reaction. I would never let you sleep with him. At least, choose someone more good looking."

"So it was a test." I sighed. "I am so tired of you, Ray. So, so tired. I keep telling myself I can't do this anymore and, yet, here I am, doing it a little more everyday."

He sat down at the table.

"I don't know what's going on in that little head of yours. I don't know what these games you play are. But I am so tired of them, of you."

I turned to leave and I stopped in my tracks when I heard him.

"I love you."

He was crazy, really and truthfully. I took my coat and didn't even think about protesting when he announced he would drive me home. I complied, because I wanted to get home as soon as possible. He tried to kiss me after he pulled up in front of my house, but I pushed him away. I knew I had hurt him, but I didn't care anymore. For the very first time in a very long time, I was only thinking about myself.

A few days later, he was still not talking to me. One night, I went out and kicked him out of my mind. I was sure he would eventually come back. He always did. I didn't know when that would happen, but I knew it would.

I entered the bar all by myself. I didn't feel like inviting Dana or Layla or anyone else, because I didn't feel like spending time with them. I knew I would eventually find someone to spend time with. I always did.

Unsurprisingly, Blake was there. After some small talk, he started following me around. I danced, he danced. I drank, he drank. I smoked, he smoked. He was my shadow for the night. After a few hours, I decided to head home. I was a little wasted. But he again followed me and, somehow, we reached his car.

"You're too drunk to drive."

"Am I?" He laughed. "Then I'll drive slowly."

I got into the car. All this reckless behavior was now something that naturally came to me, something I didn't ever really stopped and thinked about.

He parked the car into another empty parking lot. He looked at me and I didn't even think twice. I climbed on his lap and kissed him, all the while suppressing the need to get away from him. Right before doing something regrettable, I pushed him back and told him to move into the passenger seat. He did, hoping for something interesting. I just drove myself home. I left him in the car to fend for himself. He had this stupid smile which made me want to punch him. He genuinely thought he would see me again. I also knew he would tell Ray, he couldn't keep that a secret.

Just as I predicted, Ray texted me.

What did you do, Angela?

It's okay when you do it, but it's not okay when I do?

It's not okay and you know that.

Why? You can sleep around. I can't? Besides, I didn't sleep with him.

Yeah, but I didn't say goodbye.

I left it at that. It was never good to get into an argument with him. I hated arguments, I still do. But he got a reaction out of me, because I felt very determined to sleep with his cousin.

Ray had a very good relationship with him and I know I had tainted it. I though I was paying him back, but I didn't know what I was doing anymore.

He found out, but his cousin didn't tell him. He heard about it from someone who saw us leaving the bar together. He had put two and two together and figured it out. I didn't feel guilty at all. The only thing I was in fact feeling was his lack of reaction, which was eating me inside out.

I went to his apartment complex and saw that his car was parked outside. I tapped the code into the little intercom and entered. I knew he wasn't in the habit of locking his door, so I just opened it and slipped in. He was sleeping on the living room couch with his TV on. I switched it off and threw a pillow at him. He woke up scared, but calmed his breathing when he saw me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, you didn't say goodbye to me."

I sat down near him and he pulled me closer. He hugged me and inhaled into my hair.

"I missed you."

"I know."

"You didn't miss me, though. You've been too... preoccupied."

"Oh, shut up. You don't care."

He laughed. "I do. You are my Angie. You'll never leave my mind."

We cuddled for a while and then went for a drive. It was like nothing happened between us two. It seemed we were at the begging of our relationship, before finding out about Anna, before breaking each other's trust repeatedly. I was happy and his smile never left his face.

I was not so sure about never again anymore.