𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐃 : Hyunho

|| 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟐

5th October 2007. East Cherol

The world around me swayed and vibrated to the beat, the ground moving beneath my feet. I laughed too loud, danced too hard–things I shouldn't do but couldn't stop my body from doing.
These things made people take notice of me. They brought me into the center of attention, worsening the fear of making a mistake.

And my mind and body fought with each other: the mind screamed to hide in the shadows of others, while my body moved and enjoyed the thrill of life.

I was sticky and reeking of tequila and it dawned on me that there's no turning back. Even if I tried to go back to the bystanders, they would form another dance circle around me. Like bullies on the Disney Channel, but instead of insulting me, they would blare the music and hype me up.

I couldn't tell if I would rather be bullied right now.

Lewis was chugging whatever he didn't pour over my stomach, and the pressure of the heat and constant chatter slowly but surely became overwhelming as I began to disengage from my act.

My face peeled away, splinters and pieces crumbling off my body like the facade that was shifting with the liquor pouring down my throat. But I kept dancing.

Delilah clung to me, feeling me up and rolling her hips into mine. Knowing her, she wouldn't stop getting under my skin until she got what she wanted. Like a tick that once bit into its victim's sweet skin, she drained me of all my confidence.

I'm not a submissive man per se– Delilah never gave me the chance to be anything else, though. It was hard not to pull the corners of my mouth down when I thought about it. And knowing me, I eventually hopped into a bed or maybe even the disgusting restrooms here to get rid of her for the night.

It wasn't my fault for thinking that way. Really, if you think about it, it's her own fault. If she would stop sexualizing herself, I wouldn't judge her so much.

My skin prickled, and I shivered. The surrounding others laughed–I could never keep apart if they were laughing with me or at me.

When Jamal gave me an approving slap on the back, shame took over my nerves and my head spun. What does he want? What's going on?

Maybe I was being dramatic, and I never mattered in the first place—no one cared about me, anyway. Wasn't the alcohol supposed to erase my worries? A sudden nausea turned my stomach. The alcohol was certainly creating more problems tonight than it was solving.

I waited until Delilah finally had to do her business in the bathroom. Her eyes were on me for longer than they should have been, and the sway of her hips turned every man's head except mine. She wanted me to follow her. The boys raised their eyebrows and grinned at me. Great. Peer pressure for a quickie. What a story.

It always ended that way. And she never bought condoms either, even if she was the one who took the initiative. In the back of my head, somewhere deep down, I knew she was waiting for the "unwanted" pregnancy to happen, so I had no choice but to marry her.