stray kids as littles

CHAPTER 5- felix and jeongin

----- = Time change/pov change
*** = flashback
Italics = someone thinking

TW: mentions of r@pe, ab!se, r@pe of a minor, n0nc0nsensual p0rn0graphy, blood

"...hyung..?" jeongin looks at felix, his face a little red with embarrassment.

"yes jeongin?" felix smiles at him, resting his hand on jeongins thigh, causing him to tense a little. felix frowns and pulls his hand away before jeongin pulls it back.

"its okay hyung... I trust you. just got a little scared that's all." jeongin smiles sadly "can we talk please? I just... I want to talk about some things and I just... I know you would understand so..."

"oh, of course jeong... is everything alright?" felix asks worriedly and jeongin nods, guiding felix to his room "yes, everythings okay. I just... there's something on my mind and I just.. I can't keep holding it in anymore."

felix nods and sits down on the bed. jeongin closes the door and locks it, sitting next to felix and resting his head on his shoulder. felix runs a hand through jeongins hair and pecks his forehead. "what's this about?"

"it's about things that happened in my past... it's just... it's really been on my mind lately and... I can't hold it in anymore." jeongin tears up causing felix to slowly wrap an arm around his waist and rub his back "whenever you're ready, im here to listen."

jeongin sniffles and takes a deep breath, melting into the way felix holds his hand. "s-so... before I became a trainee... something happened... something really bad." felix nodded encouragingly, completely engrossed in jeongins words.

"my parents sent me to this facility... t-to fix me... to g-get rid of my littlespace..." jeongin sniffles, wiping away his tears. "I was there for 6 months... everyday I was barely fed... forced to eat dog food... forced into littlespace... r@ped.. beaten.. used.. tied up.. degraded..." he whimpers softly at the last remark he made.

"t-that was 6 years ago... today 6 years ago my brother found me... he got me out of there and back home safe... I went through years of therapy but... I just... sometimes it's hard. when I'm showering, or changing, or see myself in the mirror. seeing those scars breaks me. I never trusted my parents after that... but I loved my brother. we ended up getting a lot closer than we already were since he took care of me while I recovered. and my parents just texted me... after years and years of no contact whatsoever, they texted me to congratulate me on my success and to ask to meet up. that just brought everything back.... all at once. it was so painful felix... to this day I can still feel the tears I would get from them not using lube or prepping... the blood that would come out... the dark room I stayed in all the time... when I had gotten out of that facility I was as white as a ghost. I hadn't had any sunlight for those 6 months. it's... awful. I don't want to think about it anymore. please make it stop." jeongin sobs, hugging onto felix.

felix rubs his back, frowning and pulling him closer "oh jeongin... I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you've somewhat recovered from such a traumatic experience but still... you didn't deserve that at all. it wasn't your fault, you know that right?" jeongin nods, panting heavily. "deep breaths for me, okay?" jeongin takes a deep breath, sobs choking out as he inhales

"please... I don't want it on my mind anymore. and I can't slip right now..."

"why baby?" felix frowns more, putting jeongin in his lap.

"just... the thoughts coming back... after that I didn't ever let myself slip. for months. I never slipped once. then I had a severe panic attack and slipped, that's when I started slipping every once in a while again.."

"so that period of time where you didn't slip, the thoughts that made you do that are coming back?" felix asks to make sure he understands what jeongin is saying. jeongin nods.