Bucket list

Chapter 30 End or beginning

I felt exhausted after all that me and Lorenzo had done, and my body was begging for a break, and I just knew that I wouldn't manage to finish everything in the list by the due date, which was tomorrow. I had been growing weaker by the second. I felt myself letting go on the couch as I thought about the most meaningful moments I had in my life. Giovanni, Lea and Lorenzo were the first people to come into my head. And in a millisecond, all those beautiful memories I had made with them flashed like a movie and a gentle smile formed across my face.

I felt satisfied.

...

The next morning, I woke up feeling a lot worse, pain all over my body and it tingled a lot I had no Idea when my body would give out, but I knew I did not want it to happen in a sad hospital bed. I gathered strength to open my eyes which felt glued shut. When I did, I saw Lorenzo sitting on one of the chares opposite to the couch. His hands were joined together, his fingers crossing each other forming a zig zag. He wore black business pants as always together with a tie and a loose dress shirt which was unbuttoned. He looked like a model no matter the position he was seated like. He stared at me with a large visible frown, but when noticed I had woken up, he snapped out of whatever trans he was in and stood up quickly. He greeted me with a smile which he couldn't hold for long as it wasn't genuine. He looked at me with pain, not an ounce of hope to be seen. "Your awake." He slightly grinned and caressed my chin with his large thumb. Feeling his warmth, his love... made me crave more of the life that I knew I could never have. The life with him.

"What time is it?" I asked sitting up slowly. He helped me sit up whilst he checked his watch. "It is already nearly nighttime; you have been sleeping for a long time and I began worrying about it. "Lorenzo... remember when we were kids, how we always loved watching sun sets and how we sat on this rock in the yard of Giovannis house?" My last request is that we see it once more, one last time." I requested hoping that he would be okay with that. His expression simply remained hard, cold his external barrier blocking the truth from his guarded ears. "Ok, I will take you there." The words came out involuntarily, contradictory to his feelings, to his face, it distorted. I could see him make an effort to push the words out. "I love you so much Lorenzo, and I know this is all hard for you... but know that even when I leave, I will always be in you somewhere." I cried and laughed at the same time. "I could tell that this evoked plenty of emotions from him, as he seemed different just by talking about it.

...

I began getting ready to leave and applied light blush and clipped the sides of my blonde wavy hair with a claw clip, now it looked just the way it used to when I was younger. I had chosen to wear a simple baby blue, off shoulder dress with a very simple floral pattern covering the bottom part of it. It was fairly short, as it reached halfway up my thigh, but still made me feel like my little self again.

As me and Lorenzo walked to a cab, we noticed a man on the side of the road. Suddenly I remembered my bucket list and decided to help the man as he was in his late 60s in need for aid. I opened my wallet and pulled all of my money out only leaving enough for a cab. "Take this sir you need it more than me." I handed the frail old man the wad of cash and he stood up looking like a new man. He bared his crooked yellow teeth in a genuine smile. I watched light and hope fill his eyes, which fulfilled my heart. "Thank you so much miss, you just made my life!!" He jumped for joy as he gathered his belongings and thanked me once more before disappearing into the masses of people coming at our direction. The expression on the man's face was unforgettable.

...

Once we arrived at the gates of my uncle's house, we had noticed plants that grew around the rusted metal gates, they surrounded the initials of his name which were no longer visible. Lorenzo pulled his knife out and slowly began cutting them off. I watched him do so, as I trembled of weakness. Once it was open, we slowly walked through the old stone path surrounded by overgrown grass. This reminded me of when I was little, when me and Lorenzo would stroll through the fields picking flowers and painting outside with him. It was all so safe, the garden was so beautiful, so was life. We continued walking further flashbacks of memories began splurging no matter what I looked at, they were everywhere. So many smiles, so much joy and laughter. Butterflys covered the field as we both spotted the old rock. It was still there, just serving its purpose and being a rock. Life felt like a fairy tale, and I just wished I could continue it, but I knew there was no use sulking about it.

We sat on the rock holding hands, the sun being just at the right angle and the view being perfectly set. This was exactly how I wanted to go.

I leaned on his shoulder, and we stared into space for a minute. "Lorenzo... I think it is time." I tried to speak while holding tears from falling, but the dam holding them was filled with cracks, it was ready to burst. He stared at me in denial, but I could see his heart shattering into a million pieces even if he didn't want to admit it. "I can't picture life without you Bella. I want to feel your gentle touch, I want to smell your floral scent, I want to hear your kind words with that perfect voice of yours. Fuck, I couldn't bear to lose you." His voice slightly changed into a tone that let me into his troubled thoughts.

His grip tightened around me as I watched the last few rays of sun strike the grass in the most beautiful way possible. I sighed happily allowing myself to feel the numb all over my body, it gradually became worse by the second, but I ignored it. I guess this was it

LORENZO

I watched her grow weaker in my arms, she slowly gave away and I could feel the barrier I had built to protect myself from the world come crashing down. I ran my fingers through her thick wavy hair and tried to retain her voice by replaying her every sentence in my head over and over again. "Don't worry about me Lorenzo, just do me a favor, live your life to the fullest and when your done with this adventure, come live the next one with me up in the stars, where we will all be some day." Her voice was so weak I could barely hear it. Her eyes slowly shut, but she was still breathing. "Ok, I will Bella." was all I managed to say. She nodded and slightly smiled. I felt pressure of her grip being released and her breathing stopped. All that was left was her fading smile that I wish had never left her lips. The only thing there was now me. I could barely accept what had just happened. All that I could feel was numbness take over. I no longer found a point in living without her, but for her sake I decided I would do my best to live some of my life. I did not feel capable of doing it, but I knew I would have to. The chilly wind was the only movement left, I had never heard this much silence in my life, and I realized how empty I now felt, even with her words and sweet voice still lingering at my tongue. And our story was never going to have an end. She was gone.

10 years later...

"Hey so are you married? Why don't you have a wife and kids? Or a girl friend at least? Why are you so damn broken... who did this to you man?" My coworker Edward questioned out of fed up with my attitude. "My girl?" I paused for a second, a sharp pain piercing through me, simply by thinking of her. "She is dead... she died before I could marry her, before I could start a family. She has been dead for ten years now. You want to know why I am so broken pall? Because I fucking lost the only thing that mattered in my life, it was her... and now she is gone."