Chipped Nail Polish (Lashton)

Where Luke Has a Crush on Ashton

The feelings Luke was having could be described as exactly the same. Anxiety lived within anyone. It was just one of hose emotions that hits others in different levels. Luke's was rather high, which he brought onto himself for never knowing how much worse it could get and doing nothing about it. Usually, whenever he felt flighty or really warm, he just assumed that it's his anxiety preparing to hit him hard. His body gets overheated and then tries to calm down with a cold sweat, his limbs sometimes locking up so his body can fall to the ground and curl up to protect itself from danger, danger that might just exist in his own head due to his high strung anxiety. That is the same way he also felt when he was with Ashton. 

There was a difference though, one that took Luke a bit of time to sort out in his mad-wired brain. Of course, he was anxious around Ashton because he was new and Luke didn't want his nail being this huge deal, which was ironic because their purpose was to deal with his anxiety. His nervousness was also from something else that Ashton brought out in Luke, something that Luke easily mixed up until he stayed awake for hours just thinking about it.

His nerves rooted from a developing crush that he was now having on his new friend. After learning all the things he had in common with Ashton, their music tastes, broken families and their high leveled personalities, Ashton's being his excitement level. It was something Luke noticed because Ashton never told him that, even though the other boy talks a lot, which Luke liked because that meant he didn't have to try to keep his stutter under control. That was one of the things Luke liked about Ashton. He was always able to keep bringing up new things to talk about and he was happy to talk about them. Luke's enjoyed seeing Ashton's smile since the first time he ever sent him one. Now, that he was comfortable with Ashton more he could notice his dimples better and not shy away when the cute smile made him want to smile too.

This crush also brought Luke to pick at his nail polish because they rooted from those same fearful feelings that something bad was going to happen to him. Luke didn't exactly want to think about Ashton and then have to chip his nail polish off. He wanted to be able to associate Ashton with good nervousness and not bad nervousness.

Ashton and Luke kept meeting at the park, exchanging phone numbers so they didn't always have to meet under that tree from across the bench. Luke was so used to coming to that park that he no longer walked with his head down to stare at his hands that were always pulled to his chest. So whenever Ashton asked him if he wanted to go someplace else, Luke was apprehensive about it because he never knew how many people would be around. One time Ashton asked him if he wanted to go to a carnival that was around for a couple more days but Luke just couldn't bring himself to go, attempting to convince himself that nobody would be paying attention to his nails because it would be dark and they'd be hanging around with their friends.

He felt guilty about rejecting Ashton's ideas so many times. He didn't want Ashton to think that he didn't want to hang around with him. He did want to see Ashton but it was just too difficult with how anxious he could suddenly become. Sometimes it was too late to flee.

The guilt somehow turned into another reason why Luke's nail polish was used to make him feel better. Just the other day, he painted his nails over three times, each time a different color. The picking was getting so bad since him and Ashton seemed to be coming better and better friends. Luke hated his anxiety. He wished he only had to chip off one final layer for it to be gone from his body forever. He never wanted it to come back.

Ashton was just so nice about everything, brushing off Luke's apologies as if they weren't a big deal. They were and Luke wished he had the courage to tell Ashton all about it. He'd show him his nails and just tell him it was his emotional habit that he thought he could break by cracking lines into the smooth coats of the paint.