Chipped Nail Polish (Lashton)

Where Luke Tells Ashton

Ashton came upstairs anyway and when he opened the door, Luke was able to see him in just a blur. He didn't get to see the look on Ashton's face so he had no idea what he thought of him as he was having a panic attack on his bedroom floor. The unfocused figure rushed over to him, saying his name and telling him that he was going to be okay. Luke didn't know if he should believe the voice. 

He felt his head being moved then rested back down. Through his chilled skin he was able to feel something warm go up and down his arms and it wasn't from his anxiety. He was realizing that it was just the exact opposite. It was meant for comfort.

Luke looked up, trying to focus as his vision began coming back to him. He could start to see the sharp lines of Ashton's face coming into view and since his body was still immobile he couldn't continue running away from Ashton so Ashton would never have to see him again.

"That's it, Luke. Take a deep breath in, count to four, and then breathe out." Ashton's voice instructed him, his thumbs soothingly stroking over his arms. 

He closed his eyes and tried what Ashton said, his breathing still heavy to the point he was almost hyperventilating. Instead of focusing on the fear of his panic attack, Luke focused on Ashton's voice and calming himself down as he heard Ashton do the counting for him.

It took a few minutes for Luke to stop feeling like his body was running wild underneath his skin. The prickling feeling faded until he felt nothing at all, which was actually normal. His head was still in Ashton's lap and he could feel a drop of sweat run down the side of his face.

"You're okay now, Luke. You're okay." 

"Why-why are you here?" Luke asked him, swallowing the lump in his throat, not picking his head up from the other boy's lap.

"Well," Ashton sent him a small smile, "I was really worried about my friend who ran out on me." He chuckled. "And I wanted to talk to you." His second sentence came out carefully.

Luke closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He knew why Ashton wanted to talk to him. Ashton wanted to know why on earth did he kiss him on his cheek and why was he a nervous freak who wore nail polish all the time. 

He probably should have focused more on the fact that Ashton was worried about him but he paid more attention to the negative things than the positive and great things in his life.

"Um," Ashton licked at his lips. "I don't really know where to start."

Luke sat up slowly, feeling Ashton's hands press against him to support him, making sure he wouldn't fall again. He rested his hands on his thighs and was now sat directly across from Ashton, glancing down for a few moments before he looked up again. 

"I have terrible anxiety and I haven't really done myself any good by ignoring it for so long because now it controls me instead of me being able to control it. I never wanted you to see me have a panic attack because you would think that I was weird and wouldn't want to be friends with someone's who's so afraid all the time." Luke said, trying his best to keep looking at Ashton instead of past him. "I haven't had an anxiety attack in a long time and I'm very nervous around people, even extremely nervous around you." He confessed as he looked down at his horrible job at painting his nails.

He curled his fingers into fists. "People look at me different because I wear nail polish and they think I'm weird. I get really self-conscious about that. I didn't want you to think that I was a freak because I really, really, like you, which is probably why I kissed you."

This is the most Luke's ever spoken in just a few breaths. He hadn't been this open to anyone, not even his own mum. 

"I'm so sorry that I kissed you. I know that I shouldn't have done that. You were being nice to me and I was having a great time and getting comfortable being around you." His hands were sweaty so he uncurled his fingers to fan them out. "I was worried that you'd never want to see me again."

Ashton's face looked rather blank and that made Luke nervous so he began to chew at his lip. He wanted Ashton to talk to him now like he's always had. He missed his happy and excited voice. He wanted to see his bright smile again.

"Is that what you were so worried about?" Ashton asked him, sounding light and surprised. "Luke, I still want to be your friend and I don't think you're weird. I think that you wearing nail polish is one of those unique things about you." 

Luke nodded slowly. "I worry about a lot of things all the time." He confessed. "I-I paint my nails beca-because I need something to do when I get anxious. I pick at them everyday and on my really bad days I can do it multiple times." His lips curved into a smile, wanting to hear Ashton say that he thought Luke was unique and not super strange. 

"You know, sometimes I get so much energy that I have to just get it out of my system so I take out my drumsticks and just start playing on whatever I can find around me." Ashton slowly leaned forward and rested his hand over Luke's. "We all have our ways of dealing with things and some people just don't care enough to look past what we do. They don't know why you wear nail polish so they just assume you're weird. I'm sure people see me drumming on things like trees or lampposts think I'm strange too." Ashton shrugged his shoulders. 

Luke nodded along, feeling so much relief that Ashton didn't hate him and he was being so understanding. He couldn't believe just how much Ashton seemed to just be so caring towards him when they haven't even been friends for that long.

"I say, let's be weird together! I like our weird." He grinned and pulled his drumsticks from his pocket with his other hand, giving Luke's hand a squeeze with the one still rested over his. 

"Now, about that kiss, I wouldn't exactly call it that. I barely felt a thing." Ashton chuckled. "You'll have to practice that."

"I was nervous and didn't know what I was doing!" Luke tried his best not to stammer out, not being able to hold back the blood that rushed to his face to make him blush over. "Wha-what do you mean by having to practice?" 

Ashton picked up Luke's hand in his own, smiling down at Luke's painted fingers and Luke couldn't help but wish they weren't done so badly. Then Ashton bent his head down and placed a warm kiss onto his hand, smiling against the groove of Luke's knuckles. 

Luke bit his lip, shying away, not believing what was really happening right now. Did that mean that Ashton liked him too? He didn't want to have a panic attack over that. He actually wanted Ashton to leave so he could lay back down and excitedly kick his feet at the air from feeling so much happiness. 

"My favorite color is red. What's yours?" Ashton asked, him sitting back, keeping Luke's hand in his.

"Blue." He said with a smile. 

Ashton nodded his head, giving him an affectionate smile. "Good to know. So, how about you play some of our favorite All Time Low songs on your radio and I'll teach you how to listen to Weightless the correct way?"He teasingly challenged him.

Luke quickly stood up, ignoring the dizzy rush to his head to go over to his radio to press play. Then he sat next to Ashton, both boys resting their backs against Luke's bed frame. Luke looked over to Ashton, who was nodding along to the strong sounds of the guitar, and couldn't help to admire the friend he never thought he would ever had and couldn't help but to feel incredibly thankful that he wasn't going to lose him. 

Ashton's seen him at his absolute worst and stayed with him, helping to bring him back from it.