Chipped Nail Polish (Lashton)

Where Luke Picks His Nail Polish

Why did I do that?

What was I thinking?

I finally made a friend and I go and ruin everything.

Ashton wouldn't want to be kissed by a boy who wears nail polish, or a boy at all.

What I did was stupid.

He'll never want to see me again now.

He probably hates me.

He'll never forgive me for this. He opened up to me and as soon as he did I go and do that to him.

I can't take this anymore.

Make it stop.

I need to pick. I need to pick it all away. Then it will stop.

As Luke rushed home, his fingers shaking and his legs beginning to feel so heavy like they could fail and give up on him, his thoughts were screaming at him that he had just made the biggest mistake in his life and he would never be forgiven for it. His anxiety was taking over him and he just needed to do something to make it stop so he could at least feel like he could breathe again and have control over his body.

He made it back home, feeling relief for just a second that he would be in a safe environment to pick his nail polish. Nobody could watch him. Nobody knew who he even was.

"You're back so soon. Did you forget something?" His mum commented, walking by the front entrance to meet up with Luke.

"No. No. I gotta go upstairs." He told her with a shaky voice. He needed to start picking at his nails so he could focus his brain onto doing that so hard that his brain would forget everything else that he was thinking about.

Even with legs that he didn't think could carry him another step, Luke somehow made it up the stairs without falling down. He closed his door behind him and scrambled to his chair so he could finally do what his brain has been screaming about and what he's been craving.

Pick! Pick! Pick!

Come on. It all needs to go away.

He tucked one hand into his other one, the one on top squeezing his other fist to keep his hands from shaking so much, his nerves feeling like needles were continuously stabbing him from the inside. His thumb was turning red from all the pressure he was putting on it to make sure that it couldn't move so he could pick the color away.

His body hunched over and his lips parted, his breathing heavy, as his thumb nail began trying to get under the two layers of nail polish on his opposite thumb. He watched as the pressure on his nail caused the layer to crack, making it look like the nail polish had its own circuit of veins. He pushed his thumb harder and harder so he could break into the paint more, watching as tiny chips began to fall away from the sides of his nail.

That's it. Now, I'm getting somewhere.

Just keep going so it all stops.

He heard as his nails clicked together, his thumb slipping off and digging into his skin painfully. He bit his lip, trying to make his teeth stop chattering. He wasn't even freezing. His body didn't know what else do to when it was in panic mode.

"Yes, yes, yes." He breathed out when he saw the rest of the nail polish from his thumb nail coming off. He could then move on to the next finger and get one step closer to this all being over.

Luke was able to get through all of his nails, his body rocking back and forth uncontrollably as he sat in his chair, staring at his fingernails, all gone of the nail polish. His skin was beaten red around them.

That wasn't enough. I need more. I need more.

Start picking the skin away. There's not enough time to paint them and start all over.

No. I need the nail polish. It's the only way.

He reached for another bottle of his nail polish, knocking a few of his other ones over because he couldn't keep his trembling limbs still. He unscrewed the cap and removed the brush, not caring that there was too much nail polish on it. He was doing a terrible job at painting his nails over again but he didn't have enough time to make them look neat. Luke was so shaken up that most of the paint got onto his skin anyway.

They needed to dry fast so he could pick it all off again. He began blowing his hot breath onto his fingers to get them to dry. That wasn't working for him like he desperately needed it to.

Hurry up! Hurry up!

I'm running out of time.

They need to dry.

"Luke?" His mum called up the stairs. "Your friend, Ashton's, here for you."

That made Luke stop what he was doing, freezing like he had just been caught for doing something terrible that he wouldn't be able to get out of. He could literally hear the rapid pounding of his heartbeat, feeling it in his chest as if a fist was punching him repeatedly.

No. No. No.

I don't want to see him. I don't want him to see me.

Not like this.

He covered his hands over his mouth, tasting the toxic smell of his freshly and terribly messy painted nails. What was he going to do? Was there an escape from this?

His legs that were bouncing up and down wildly finally decided to quit on him, making his body tip and fall from the chair. With his eyes still open, everything began to fade away until he could see only black. Closing his eyes made no difference.The feeling of the needles came back, prickling him from the top of his head to the end of his toes.

"No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop." Luke told himself as he panted, his body rocking back and forth as he laid on his floor, not knowing what he could do to calm himself down and bring himself back.

I wasn't done yet.

I needed more time.

Don't come upstairs, Ashton.

Please, don't come up the stairs.

You'll think I'm a freak.

I don't want you to see who I truly am.