The story of two secret lovers

Chapter 9

Ella:

Mr Holeman stands near his desk, struggling with his computer.
"Now, today we're going to be going over quadratic probability. So... if I can get this powerpoint to work..." He pauses a second, clicking his tongue. "Ok, so if Agatha has ten blue counters and some red counters, and she takes one out without replacing it, and then takes another, can you draw a probability tree..."

I look out towards the window, trying to zone his ramblings out. I fidget with my fingers as I watch the sky be slowly overtaken by dark grey clouds, imagining telling Olivia how I feel. Are these grey clouds bad luck? Is the universe trying to give me a sign - is this pathetic fallacy or something? God, what is my brain even going on about?

I glance back around the room, watching as everyone jots down the diagram quickly on mini whiteboards. I sigh, dragging a whiteboard to me and grabbing my pen from my pencilcase, looking back up to the board.
10 blue counters, x-10 red counters...
I bring my pen to my board, writing the digits of ten, finding nothing but a faint line. I sigh in annoyance, shaking my pen vigorously before writing again... without it working! I bring my hands to my face, closing my eyes in frustration before rubbing out the faint lines, looking around the room again as people are already expanding the brackets.

What's the point of this shit anyway, it's not like this is going to help me woo Olivia.
"Oh yes, look, Olivia! I can expand quadratic brackets to solve x in probabilities!"
Agh! What's the point!?
I glance back towards Mr Holeman as he looks around the room, watching as everyone solves the problem but me. For a moment, our eyes meet and I look away quickly, drumming my fingers against the desk.

"Do you need a whiteboard pen by any chance, Ella?" I roll my eyes to my desk before looking up, unable to subdue my frustrated face.
"Yes, sir." I half-watch as he grabs a pen and passes it to me, avoiding eye-contact as he tries to crack a bad joke. God, is this lesson ever going to end? I need to progress my love life.

Fortunately, this pen kind of works, and I can spend the rest of this endless drag of a lesson with a whiteboard pen. When the bell goes, I am filled with anticipation and anxiety as I mull over how I am going to her in a few minutes, and the million ways her pretty lips could drive me to sadness. But, I can't deny the excitement - the buzz that flows through my body at the prospect, at the few ways her pretty lips could give me the drive to live another day, and her pretty hands could clasp mine. As soon as I leave the class an uncontrollable laugh escapes me at the prospect, and I look around the hallway for my friends. Immediately, my eyes lock on Olivia, stood outside Miss Ebbotsin's classroom, mid-way through a conversation with Lilly and Hazel. She turns as I approach them, an enthusiastic smile forming on her face.

"Ella!" She says excitedly, immediately clutching my hands, causing my thoughts to go blank. "We need to hang out after school, yeah?"
I nod in response, struggling to form a coherent thought as I clutch her hands and stare at her face.
"Mhm... yeah.." I stare at her glasses and into her eyes, my mind racing rapidly with ways I could tell her and my body energised with adrenaline.
"Do you want to go to Spades? I'm not allowed at Yellowhill?"
"..Sure... whatever.."
"Are you okay, Ella? You can say no, you know? I'm not gonna be offended or anything."
"Uh..." I glance away from her, scared of meeting her gaze, terrified of the sure rejection I'll face. Should I even tell her now? Is it not too late? Too early? Should I not wait it out until it fades, until I no longer feel like this, until I can look at her like everybody else? But how could that ever happen? How could it ever fade?

"Ella, are you okay?" A voice calls from behind. I turn slightly to face it, finding Molly's hand on my shoulder and a look of concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smile despite the tone of my voice being completely off, and begin to walk away.
"Are we sitting outside or in the canteen today?" Lilly asks, looking at Olivia and Molly for an answer.
"I'd like to go outside." Olivia says. Outside it is, then. I push through the double doors, my heart pumping rapidly with adrenaline that I can't control, so powerful that I almost want to cry and laugh at the same time. But I can't. Not now, not ever. I have to be happy for this, right? I can't be crying while confessing my feelings - that would just be stupid.

We make it to the bench, and I pause in my tracks, staring at our bench. Clayton stands there, looking towards the side. Olivia stops beside me, looking at him with confusion, then towards me. Clayton notices us and meets my eye, smiling as we make eye-contact.
"Ella, I've been waiting for you."