Joy and Hope

4 don't fall.

Again, I chose to  leave the voice messages until you're safe in your suite. The text messages go as follows.

> baby sis 'if you're in the US, can you gift me some shoes, I'm thinking baby blue satin heels, that can double as my something new and something blue.'

> Mr Lee 'my daughter, what has happened? My son called me today. Please call me back.'

A few more from the known unknown, but you just ignore those ones for now. Exasperated you let out a sign. You didn't realise you had an audience.

 Jhope has been watching you. He asks,

"Is there anything I can do to help? Every time your phone beeps or vibrates, you look like you've lost a few months of your life?"  

'Hey shit for brains, be professional, don't let that mask slip' you scold yourself. Fixing a smile to your face, you look up and see he has full body turned to watch you from his seat in front. You can't help but feel that the stories of his genuine kindness are all true.

"It's not me you should be worrying about," and without thinking, you wink.

> brain Hey, you eejit, what is wrong with you!' Again, you give yourself a talking to.

He continues, even though he looks a little surprised, "I asked Nuna Nicole about you, she said you are her friend and that your kind of cool, but If I'm being honest, your a little fucked up" he's smiling from ear to ear again, he's playing with you.

Ok, so he doesn't want you to be all polite and professional all the time. That's good news. "Maybe one day, if we become friends I will tell you about the kdrama this is my life, but for now, I will work harder to be more professional" you give him a polite smile.

"Nah, fuck that, tell me everything, my life's boring" even though you try not to, you burst out laughing, both shocked and entertained. he's dropped the politeness altogether and wants to know more about you. How can his life be boring? He's part of the biggest group in his industry, genre and country. He is defiantly take the piss.

You say "I'm not sure you understand the meaning of boring, but maybe when I've sold the rights to this epic disaster we could watch it together on the big screen, but your buying the popcorn" he wants to know more, who could be the one he should be worried for? Is it a boyfriend? A work colleague? You get the feeling he's not ready to fully let's this subject go but backs off,  maybe he's getting the feeling you have your guard up not ready to talk and why would you, you hardly know him.

The remainder of the journey is filled with talk about the mv and how you thought it went. Giving him your opinion but finish by saying "at the end of the day it's the company executives that will decide to release the project not me, so what I think isn't really important...."

Back at the hotel, the m.u.a's invite you to have dinner with them, you are on the staff list so why not? The hotel have booked out a few tables in the smaller dining area for the team. Jhope sits with his managers they are busy discussing with serious faces.

Sitting with the team you have a warm feeling inside. They are kind and sweet. There must be a team of 20, this includes, make up artists and their assistants, hair dressers and their assistants. wardrobe and some muscle to carry stuff, doubling as extra security. Everyone ask questions and makes you feel welcome. They ask about your family, what its like going to different cities and being able to understand what the locals are saying. It really feels like a family.

Bzzzzz.

'Fuck this stupid phone'. It's the in house lawyer. "Hey, give me a few minutes, in not in my room" they hold the line as you make your excuses and leave. You walk towards and exit that leads to the small terrace and out onto the garden area belonging to the hotel, you think, breakfast out here would be beautiful. Looking back to check your alone.

" Hello, yes I can talk"

"Good afternoon, its Lee HaJoon, I tried calling this morning"

You make a mental note, Korea is 16 hours ahead, for them it's already the next day.

"Yes, sorry I was on schedule, how is it going?"

"We have changed the key code. Served a 24 hour notice for eviction. Also put into place the video evidence that shows all property, by the way, that was a smart move. Means he can't take anything with him. I must say, the letter you put along with the eviction was amazing. " only take with you what you brought in, your tux and your wife", I will admit I would have loved to see his face while reading it. Once he has vacated your apartment, the FA will assess the contents and make arrangements for sale or storage. He has contacted us stating that he is entitled to half of the property but since everything is in your name, he's really just blowing hot air"

You thank him and ask what the next steps are. "Nothing much on your part", he tells you, "the appraisal team will check that all belongings are accounted for. The art work the electronics, etc".

He asked you "what should be done about the car?" and you told him to sell it back to the dealership. Doesn't matter the reduced price. He reminds you not to talk to DongJin,

"oh wait, he sent messages from an unknown number, I've not replied, I've also got a few voice messages" HaJoon asks you to forward them to his email, this you will do when you're in your suite. He says when he has more information that he will contact you. you finish the call, putting your phone into your pocket.

The temperature has lowered and for this you are more than grateful, the evening air is still warm but your not sweating between your boobs now. thinking back on the last few days. You feel the air around you leave, you're breath hitch and now there are sparkles at the corner of your vision.

Fuck not now, don't black out. Not for that ass fart. Just breath, in and out, do your count down

5 things you can see,

4 things you can hear,

3 different colours,

2 different smells and

1 thing you can touch.

The sparkles fade and the air is back.

That's not happened since you lost your mum. You don't realise it but your face is wet, a mix of cold sweat and tears. That

waste of oxygen doesn't deserve your tears, dry up, you tell yourself. But it's not him your crying for its your mum. Forgetting where you are you let out a huge sob and sit on your feet. Hugging you knees, you see her, smiling at you.

You don't think of her often, it's to fresh and painful. In your head you think. I need my sister, I need my safe place.

Pushing yourself, you get up, ugly girl wiping your face on the back of your hand, and head back inside, fuck that's a door I've just walked into. You don't remember closing the door. 'Next time open you eyes, shit head'

It wasn't a door. It was the hpa. It was Jhope. Standing there quietly, just watching you. He's fascinated by you.