The Good Intentions

Chapter 49 - Kaden

Kaden

The words, the looks, the feeling of pain rush through me with each pounding step. I can't get last night out of my head. Not when I close my eyes. Not when I try to drown out the sight of her, the pain that I caused her, with music or driving or sleeping. So I've been running. For hours, I've been running. And even still, it's not doing a damn thing.

All I see is her.

All I see is that moment. Reaching for her, not feeling her, just remembering the ache in her eyes, the anger in her voice.

The way she looked at me. Told me to get away.

I fucking hate myself. I hate what I did. I hate what I didn't do. I should have told her from the beginning about Bryce's stupid bullshit idea. We could have laughed about it together. Or I shouldn't have been a dumbass and said no to Bryce right when he suggested it.

Sweat pours down my face as I reach my apartment. It's sunny now. But it was pitch black when I started. I don't know how long I sat outside Cam's apartment last night. Just waiting, silently begging for Bethany to come out and talk to me.

However, I didn't give up there. I called her. Over and over again. With my thumbs nearly bleeding, I texted her nonstop. At some point my phone died, which was much needed because I'm sure they all probably discussed calling to cops to come arrest me for harassment. I deserve it. I deserve every bit of guilt that I feel right now. Hell, I deserve more.

With a shaking hand, I slide my key into the lock, open the front door, and instantly freeze when I see who's staring at me. Like she's been sitting on my couch just waiting for me to get home.

I wish I was anywhere else but here.

Though I feel like I'm standing in the pits of hell as Loni's eyes burn into me.

Jace is sitting next to her, fidgeting hands in his lap, unable to look up at me.

"I'm leaving," Loni snarls.

She stands. Jace stumbles up to grab her arm. "No, Loni—"

"Loni, please," I say, my keys slipping from my hands and onto the floor as I try to get in her path. I ignore them on the floor. This is my one chance to get through to Bethany. I need Loni to hear me out.

"No, Jace, I'm not staying here," she says to Jace who's finally standing up behind her but her stare is still dead bolted on me.

"Please, I need to explain—"

"Explain?" She snaps and I freeze. "No. I don't need to hear anything you have to say, you stupid fuck."

"Loni—"

"Jace, it's okay," I say, wanting her to ream into me more. Waiting for her to tell me something I don't already know about myself. "I fucked up."

"Yeah, you fucking did. Now get out of my way."

I realize I'm blocking the door but I don't move. And Loni stares at me for a little longer, tears well up in her green eyes.

"How could you do this to her?" She says on a sob. "I trusted you not to hurt her and look what you did. Look what you fucking did." Her fist barrels into my chest and then her palm. A couple more times she hits me and I stand there and take it as my tears drip down my face.

"Stop," Jace pulls her away and she collapses against his chest.

"I know he's your best friend," she says looking up at him and wiping her tears away. "But he hurt mine. I can't forgive that."

Jace stares at me, holding onto his girlfriend, not risking her slipping free and slapping me again. But the looks he's giving me right now, I don't know what hurts worse, that look or her fists.

"I need to explain myself, please. Please." Loni turns around and I don't know what comes over me as I fall to my knees. "I fucked up I know I did."

At some point, after literally begging on my fucking knees to Loni, she agrees to listen to me explain it all. Honestly, it all sounds like bullshit coming out of my mouth, especially when I can't catch my breath. But she believes me. Probably because she's so in shock from seeing a grown man literally sobbing at her feet. I feel pathetic, but I don't care. I'd do anything if it meant having Bethany back in my life. I'd even do anything just for her forgiveness if it meant she was happy.

To my surprise, after what feels like hours, Loni gives me a small smile and apologizes for hitting me. In not so many words though. She just says "sorry" without looking at me. As she stands to leave, she looks over her shoulder at me. Pity covering every inch of her.

"You really hurt her, Kaden."

"I know."

She sighs, rubbing her fingers against her eyes. "At some point, I'll talk to her."

"Thank—"

"But this isn't about you, Kaden. I'm not doing this for you. All I care about is Bethany and making sure she's okay. I believe you when you say you love her and that this was all some big misunderstanding. But she comes first to me."

"I get it." I nod, feeling so small under her stare.

She opens her mouth to say something else, but closes it then leaves without a word.

I stare at the closed door for a few seconds as Jace lets out a groan behind me. "This is so fucked up." His words are muffled as he runs his hands over his face. "Why would you ever take advice from Bryce Dunam?"

"Because I'm a fucking idiot." Sitting next to him, I rest my elbows on my knees, lacing my fingers together on the back of my neck.

"Everything will work out." His hand clamps down on my shoulder.

"Really"

He's silent for a moment and then lets out a very unconvincing "I hope so."