Do you still love me?

scary

" Speak up Shalin!!! " I flinched at his yelling.
No....
this is scary
He is scary
He is very scary....
My heart is racing and  he can hear it too.
" You really hate me so much?? " I stepped back as he stepped towards me.

" I can't wait for you to fall in love with me anymore, I can't. I am fed up with your fake smile, your fake concerns for me, why don't you just say that you want to leave me instead of ..... ” he stopped on his words by himself.
But why is he saying all these things to me when it was him who forced me to marry him
It was him who always gets offended when I talk about leaving.
He is really bi polar.

" Listen!! I didn't tell him anything!! ” I said in trembling voice but I tried hard to act strong.
" And even if I said those things to him what's wrong with it, that's true. Where is the lie? Am I not maid of your house?? We are nothing like husband and wife, okay? Are you getting it, we are not husband and wife, we don't have that thing, that feeling because... ”
" Ahh!! ” I hissed in pain as he grabbed my arms tightly " Say that again!! ” he gritted his teeth with a force.

I looked at his eyes with courage, I won't apologize this time. Why would I?? He can kill me right now, it's better to die than living life like this.

" I would say that again Om, we are nothing like husband and wife”
He tightened his grip " And who is the reason behind that, you!! It's you! Even if we are married you never let me touch you then how do you expect us to be normal couple I can't force you for anything!! ”
Bastard, he is seriously getting on my nerves . That's his mentality, which belong to gutter.
I jerked his hands off me and pushed me " That's the only problem between us? ” I pushed him by his chest.
" Tell him!! Is that only problem with us? Just sex? No feelings.....  Blaming everything on me for not letting you touch me?? That's the only thing husband does to his wife? You mean besides sex everything else fine in our relationship?? ”

" Then tell me what is not okay with us, say that to me what's your problem, I can fix it!! ” he again shouted.
One thing I realized about him now is he is never going to understand me, never and this problem will stay with us forever. I repeat forever.
This is never going to work.

" Tell me Shalin what is the issue between us?? "
My eyes teared up horribly and now I can't hold it back.
This time I shouted at him.

"it was never us ,it was always you!! Only you who assumed things and besides that whatever you feel for me is not love.”
I know this can lead to something cruel but now I am not scared.

"If you love someone you never want them to get hurt, but in our case you are the one who always hurt me, mentally, emotionally, physically. Every single time I think about giving you a chance you turn out to be like this ” I said firmly.

" Like what?? "
" Like a beast, like a monster!! I wish I had never met you, I wish you never existed!! ” I screamed again pushing him and he didn't oppose.

" Do you think this is love? No, this is just abuse. And I really need explain this to you, I used to think I am so pathetic but I am not, it's you!! ”

He stared at me blankly but I didn't stop.

" Two days ago, I cried in front of you!! You heard that, you console me and after that you ghosted me?? Why?? Wasn't it your job to ask your wife if she is ok or not!! Is this how husband behaves, or it is just your fragile male ego which got bruised after I stopped you from molesting "

" I wasn't molesting you!! " This time his voice felt heavy " I stopped at my actions when I realized that you don't want it!! And after that I ghosted you because I thought that's what you want!! ”

" That's what I want?? " I chuckled bitterly.

" I thought you need space from me, and it wasn't my ego what stopped me from talking to you, it was my concern for you that I might end up hurting you again if we had argument! ”

" Oh please, stop with that fake concerns of yours!! This is more pathetic . Being your wife is the biggest insult for me " He raised his eyebrow at my last statement.
" Insult? "
" Yes, it feels like I am more like side chick than your wife. Do you have any idea how I felt when your brother showed up here?? ” 
He doesn't have idea, he would never understand my perspective.

" About that I am really sorry Shalin, I know what he said about you was mean and the way he talked to you...... " He sighed " I am really sorry about that!! "

" This is the problem between us Om, this is the main problem, I say something and you understand another thing. It's not about what he said about me, it's about why your family is unaware about me. Who hide their marriage from family?? Am I not good enough to get introduced to them? Do you think I love that my brother in law didn't recognize me, do you think it's good to feel the way I needed to introduce myself like a stranger. You have to answer me today Om, just say what is your issue , what is your background, what is wrong with your behavior  and why I don't know anything about you if I am your wife? "

This time I saw tears in his eyes .

" Why do you want to know about my family?? They are not important for us Shalin, I am enough for you, just consider that you never met my brother, consider I don't have a family"
He stepped towards me and touched my hand. He took it in his hand and said caressing it.

"I will make sure from now onwards that none of my family members reach you, you don't have to face them"

" But why?? I don't want to hide like I have committed crime!! "

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