Do you still love me?

disappointed

" You better not disrespect my brother ” I warned him. I know he has already messed up so many things , but I still have second thought about leaving him forever.
But one word about my brother and it's done. I will not be going back to him ever.
His eyes found mine, and the moment slowed.
His eyes always lie, they never indicate his true emotions, as right now they look guilty, but I know he must be everything but guilty. Being guilty is not his type of thing. He is toxic as fuck and I am pathetic as fuck.
" Leave!! ” I stated, sternly.
" Please.. ” his eyes softened and I broke the eye contact.
" Please Shalin, we need to talk!! ”
" I don't want to ” I said trying hard to avoid my tears.
" Just once, give me five minutes and let me explain that I....... ”
" Om please!! ” I cut him harshly.
" I need time to process the mess in front of me, so please give me some space!! ”
" Baby just..... ”
" No” I shouted " No manipulating, no emotional blackmail for God sake. I am sick of this. Right now I just don't want to see your face. Can you please do me a honor to stay away from me?? ”
My throat worked with a hard swallow.
" When I feel like talking to you I will. But right now I am not ready for it. ”
I said what I felt. No lies. No fake hopes. Nothing.

He stared at me for a good minute.
" Fine, but can you please unblock me ” I looked at him in disbelief.
" I swear, I won't show you my face, I won't bother you by calling you, I won't text you. Just please unblock me”
" Will you leave if I did ? ”
He nodded.
" Fine!! ” I grabbed my phone and unblocked him.
" Now please get out!! ”
He didn't argue.
He just left.
Without a word.
And as promised, he didn't call me, didn't text me and didn't show up.
It's been fifteen days. I haven't seen him, he haven't seen me and I am wondering if he is feeling same after being not able to see me.
Because I am feeling like I am in hell, not like I was in heaven with him. But it's better to be in hell with him rather than being alone in heaven. Without him heaven feels like hell.
I don't know when would I end up crying. And I don't want to cry for him in front of my brother.
He thinks I am feeling better, I am happy without Om. I am moving on.
Because I am pretending like that.
I harshly wiped my eyes before that tear can leave my eyes.

" No no no, I don't like this place, it's too small we can find better, what do you say princess? "

I forced myself to be in present moment. I just wanted to keep myself busy so I said in a flow that I want to start a new coffee shop. I said that yesterday night and right now my brother took me for selecting a place.
That's quick.
Perks of being a little sister of Harsh Mittal, you get everything that come out of your mouth.
I scanned the shop and it's great. I mean location is nice, it's just outside the Junior College. The vibe is nice. I can definitely make something aesthetic here.
" I love this!! ” I said, hundred percent sure.
" What are you saying? It's too small! ”
" I want it small bhaiya, something I can handle by my own in future,without your help. ”

" What does it suppose to mean? ”
" Let it be” I said in a convincing tone.
I locked my arm with his and smiled " Aesthetic cafes are usually small and cozy!! ”
He sighed.
" You won't understand it"
" Why? ” he raised an eye brow.
And lips formed in a mischievous smile" Generation gap, bhaiya”
He rolled his eyes " I am just a decade elder ”
" I count it as generation gap” I teased.

I looked at the dealer " Please finalize this please ”
He looked at my brother for confirmation who looked unimpressed " Do as she said!! ”
" I love you bhaiya” I said pinching his cheeks and he looked annoyed.
" Don't do that, I have reputation” he pulled a long face.
" Ask me if I care!! ” I winked and he sighed.

After location hunting, we decided to have a lunch at his favorite restaurant, which is my favorite too, for a reason. I smiled at the memories we made here with a family.
" So, when do you want me to start the work? ” he asked , sipping his drink.
" What work? ”
" About your cafe!! ”
My smile dropped. No I don't want him to do this. I want to do it myself.
" Bhaiya please, you got a empire to run, don't waste your time for such minor project”
I said. Where's the lie. He is CEO.
He can't waste his time, his every second is expensive. Just because he is my brother I don't want to take him for granted.
" Nothing is minor when it comes to you!!! ”
" Please, I want to do it by myself!! ” I requested.
He was about to say something but his phone rang.
" Wait!! ” he answered the call and excused himself from me.
I watched him talking on phone, judging by his face, I know it's a business call.
I again draw myself to check my phone in case if I have a text from my husband.
I know I am just lying to myself, just feeding my delusional thoughts and hoping, again and again.
My heart shrank at one more disappointment.
Maybe he was just acting that day when he said he wanted to talk to me, he just doesn't care if I am with him or not. It's not like I am missing him but I want him to miss me.
Fine, if we don't see each it's for a good reason. It's better for both of us. It might be sad if we are not with each other but together we are toxic.
Our marriage, our relationship isn't healthy for any of us. We are just stuck.

" I doubt if you touched the food” I flinched at sudden comment from my brother "
I looked at him staring at my plate, true, I was just stroking my plate with spoon.

" Don't tell me you are missing that idiot again.” he looked unimpressed and I just shook my head as no.
" Not at all, I was just..... ”
" Just?? "
I stared at him and gulped, my throat ached " I was just thinking about where should I start my work with cafe... ”
He wasn't convinced, I know.
" I mean, I am just nervous!! "
He knew I was lying but he didn't push to hard.
" It's fine!! You will do it and I am here for help” I smiled.

_________

After three days

I looked at the clock, 11:56 pm.
Will he call me, atleast he should wish me. Does he even remember?
I tighten my grip around phone.
Another minute passed.
Just sleep Shalin, you have so many expections from him.
He probably doesn't care even if it's your birthday.
I kept my phone aside and laid down. I forced my eyes to close.

My heartbeat rose, I was counting every second.
My phone buzzed exactly at 12 .
I immediately opened my eyes and grabbed my phone. I had so many notifications.
I just didn't want to check them, because none of them was from Om.
I gulped on my saliva and was about to keep it aside but my phone rang .
My heart sank, finally.
Finally he called me.
Finally he did.
I inhaled deeply.
Just calm down and act natural.
I rubbed my chest to stabilize my heart before I answered the call.
I didn't hear anything from his side. First fifteen seconds were silent. None of us dared to speak.
"Hello” " Happy birthday”
We said in unison.
My eyes blurred .
I heard his voice after a long interval of time. I felt better but also I am feeling like crying.
" Thank you!! " I managed to reply and I heard a heavy sigh from his side.
"I didn't imagine you would answer”
" Hmm!! " I don't know what to say.
That silence was awkward, I was waiting for him to say something , because every second I felt like he wants to say something.
" Shalin!!! ” my name came out of his mouth as if he was holding it back from long.
" Can we at least meet?? "
" Huh? "
" Only once.......... ”I heard a sob " I...... I just want to see you, only once”

I don't know what should I say, yes?
"I swear I won't do anything wrong......... It's just I was......... I was planning your first birthday after our marriage ever since we are married. ”

I don't trust his statement.
" I know it's not possible now but at least we can see each other!! ” I clutched my fist on bedsheets.
Don't
Don't
Don't
Don't you dare Shalin...

" We can!! ”
I know I shouldn't have said that but...
" I am waiting at the back side of your house!! ”
My eyes widened.
What the...
" Right now? ”
" Hmm!! ”
I walked to the window of my room and looked down. He isn't joking. He is there. Sitting inside his car.
" I will be there!! " I said before hanging up.
Thank god my brother is out of station. By any chance if he would have seen Om here. I would have been witnessed a fight.
I pocketed my phone and ran out of the room.
When I made my exit through the gate, security guard saw me. But he didn't question me.

I Walked to the back side of my house and when a white car came in my vision, my heart ached. My steps slowed.
He noticed me and pushed the door open to step outside.
Our eyes met and my stomach twisted in pain.
We were just few steps away from each other when he impatiently walked to me and pulled me in a hug.
I closed my eyes shut and tears rolled down my cheeks.
I involuntarily stepped back because of force he was applying to hug me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms gripped my waist.