Love Letters To You

The first

You were the first.

You were the first person I saw in the room,
The first one my eyes had wandered too.
You were the first one my eyes had interest in.
You were the first person that my eyes had found refuge from the chaos in.

When I had spotted you,
Your gorgeous silhouette,
My eyes were only scanning the room checking my surroundings in this new place.
When I had spotted you,
My eyes glanced over at first,
Not noticing,
But then, my eyes shifted back to you.
Without giving me a choice.
My eyes had chosen you.
I watched you for a bit,
Letting my butterflies swarm and flutter.
I was put in a trance by you.

I remember the day I first laid eyes on you very well.
It was the first time I had felt genuine peace in a while.
I was having a bad time in my life.
However,
When I saw you,
My worries had melted,
My body relaxed,
My eyes were transfixed on you.
I didnt want to be weird,
And have you catch me staring.
However,
You where the most beautiful being I had ever seen.
Why would you notice me?
I wouldnt be the one in the room you would see, I had thought.
Out of everyone in the room, Why would it have been me?
You were so pretty,
I was so out of your league.
I was just a girl.
And you were a GOD.
So I had felt safe,
I let my eyes relax focusing on your perfect features...
Knowing you'd never ever notice me.

Howver,
For the first time,
You proved me wrong.
For the first time,
You had showed me that I was more than just a girl.
To you,
I had been just as intruiging.
You where interested in me too...
I had no idea at the time.

Days and days had gone by,
I waited for the moment you'd talk to me.
I waited for the moment you would notice me.
However I never knew that you had been waiting for me too.

One day I couldn't take it anymore.
The burning desire to talk to you,
To meet you,
Had started so many fires in my stomach,
That I needed to talk to you.
For the first time,
I was the one to reach out.
For the first time,
I put in effort for someone.
Because you deserved it, unlike everyone else.
Unlike everyone else,
You genuinely deserved it.

Nights and nights had gone by.
I was so scared to reach out.
I was so scared to talk to you.
However,
You were on my mind constantly,
Constantly running through my mind,
Through my thoughts.
I constantly wondered who you are,
Whats your favorite color?
Your favorite animal?
Favorite icecream?
Your favorite food?
I needed to know.
I wanted to learn everything about you.
It drove me crazy.
I wanted to know you, I needed to know you.

Finally the fire inside my heart was burning me.
I had reached out to you.
For the first time, I was seeking someone.
I never was a "chaser".
However you were exactly what I wanted,
What I needed.
I could not risk losing you.
This was a once in a lifetime oppurtunity.
I would never find someone like you,
Ever,
Again.

When we first started talking,
I could see how shy you were,
I was scared that you thought I was weird,
Too energetic, too hyper.
I remember our long walks,
How your hair blew in the summer wind,
The sound of the water rushing down the lake,
I remember watching the sunset with you.
However,
When we watched that sunset,
For the first time,
My eyes where transfixed on something else.
Yours.
Your eyes.
I never knew if you ever realized,
I saw you looking up at the sky,
talking about how beautiful it was,
Meanwhile,
I was focused on you.
How beautiful you were.
I did not care about the sky or the sunset,
Your eyes, Your features,
Had me hypnotized.
I tried to hide it,
So you wouldnt think I was obsessed with you.
However the truth is,
I am and was nothing short of obsessed with you.

I remember the day I knew I loved you.
It was a love more than love.
I remember after we hung out that day,
Laying in my bed kicking my feet thinking about your sweet touch,
Soft smile...
I remember the fear I had felt when I was ready to tell you-
Tell you my biggest secret,
I had feelings for you.

I remember that time well, I was in my bed,

Laying down, thinking about you, I remembered what you were wearing that day, your-

Oufit, was so cute. So adorable. It showed me exactly my type. Exactly what I had wanted. It made me like you even more.

Very much more, I didnt even know that I could love someone this much. I didnt know that I could care so much.

Even hours after I had seen you. I still remembered your voice.

Your voice, was echoing in my head, repeating all of your favorite things so I couldnt forget. Slowing my thoughts, and silencing my overthinking.

Over and over, I remembered the way your hand felt on mine. The peace I had felt when your body brushed up against me. The silence I felt...

Up so high, Is how I felt. I could remember your touch, it made me feel so warm, so safe, so peaceful, so high. You silenced my head, my thoughts and my brain.

Finally,
For the first time,
I had overcame my fear, my anxiety.
I asked you,
I asked you the question I had feared so much.
"Would you ever consider being in a relationship with me?"
For the first time,
I chased someone,
And it was so worth it.
You said yes.
However,
You genuinely cared for me.
You cared for my opinions and my mental stability.
You wanted to make sure i was ready for a relationship before we jumped in.
For the first time,
First time ever,
A boy had made me feel safe.
You had made me feel safe.

Then finally,
I was your girlfriend.
I was your first girlfriend, and you were my first love.
My first real love.

One day,
You will be my first husband.
I will be your first wife.
And we will have our first house,
Together.

For the first time,
We will be in a happy relationship.
Together.