The Long Weekend (A Novelette)

Chapter 2

On our trip to Laguna, Kevin talked the whole way but my mind was preoccupied with the thought of seeing Sid again.

Before this day came, I was looking for an excuse not to go.

Even my sister, Ate Selene, noticed that I was distracted.

She found me in the kitchen with a slice of bread in one hand and a butter knife in the other.

I was unmoving.

When she asked if I was okay, I told her about my dilemma.

But after telling her why I was hesitant, I wasn't surprised that she agreed with Kevin.

"Kung hindi ka nagcommit sa Tita ni Lee, okay lang sana. Kaso umoo ka."

"Alam ko naman iyon, Ate. Kaya nga I'm torn between going or not. Nakokonsensiya rin naman ako lalo na at mabait siya sa akin."

"Oo nga. Di ba she used to give you kakanin na siya mismo ang gumawa?"

"She did."

"Isipin mo na lang na ginagawa mo 'to para kay Tita Marga. Huwag mo na isipin si Lee."

"It's easy for you to say dahil hindi naman ikaw ang haharap sa kanya."

"Akala ko ba you were able to sort things out bago kayo nagbreak?"

"I thought so too."

"What's the problem then?"

"I don't think I'm ready to face her."

"Why? Do you you still love her?"

"I don't know."

Hindi ko maamin ang totoo dahil I was afraid that if I did, I would be acknowledging this thought that was staying rent free in my heart and in my head.

The thought that maybe I was too rash when I broke up with Lee.

Kung hindi dahil sa isang bagay na lagi na lang namin pinagtatalunan ay okay naman kaming dalawa.

But if that was the case, then why did we break up?

It was because there were two things I couldn't do for her – I could never be a man and I couldn't give her kids.

We talked about this when we started dating.

When she mentioned what she wanted for her future, I was disheartened.

I felt that what we had was doomed especially since she kept saying that she wanted to get married (to a guy) and have kids the way we were taught how they came about.

Nasaktan ako dahil may bahagi sa puso ko na nakaramdam na I wouldn't be enough for her.

But our feelings prevailed.

When she saw how hurt I was with what she said, she told me to forget we ever talked about it.

Ako naman si tanga, bumigay din.

Kaso paulit-ulit na bumabalik ang issue lalo na kapag kinukulit siya ng mommy niya kung kailan siya mag-aasawa at kung kailan siya bibigyan ni Lee ng mga apo.

Take note ha?

Plural.

I was at Lee's house when her mom asked.

She knew me as Lee's best friend.

We were that cliché.

They were on a video call at the time.

Caregiver ang mommy niya sa Canada at maaga ito nabiyuda dahil nalunod ang daddy ni Lee during a fishing trip with his friends.

Naiwan si Lee sa pangangalaga ni Tita Marga niya.

When I heard what she said and witnessed how persistent she was about Lee finding a husband and having kids, I wished I was invisible.

Masakit marinig ng harap-haparan na sumasang-ayon siya sa sinasabi ng mommy niya para hindi ito magalit.

We were already serious with each other at the time.

Gumagawa na kami ng mga plano kahit pa at the back of my mind, I knew that those plans may never happen dahil palaging nandoon ang thought na baka dumating ang araw na may makilala siyang tao, lalake, who would fit the idea she had for her future.

Lagi niya sinasabi na hindi niya alam kung bakit siya nakipagrelasyon sa isang lesbian.

Kung alam ko ang sagot ay hindi ko na sana pinaabot sa tatlong taon ang pagsasama namin.

Hindi na sana umabot sa punto na ako na mismo ang nagdesisyon na makipaghiwalay para magkatotoo ang pangarap niya.

Nagkakatampuhan kasi kami kapag napapag-usapan ang bagay na 'to lalo na pagkatapos niya kausapin ang mommy niya.

It was getting hard for me to understand why she was still with me when it was clear that our relationship felt like a placeholder for what she truly wanted for herself.

***

"Nandito na tayo," Pinatay ni Kevin ang makina at tinanggal ang seatbelt niya.

Sinundan ko siya sa likod ng sasakyan para kunin ang overnight bag na dala ko.

Maliwanag ang bungalow at dinig ang tawanan ng mga bisita.

As nervous as I was to see Lee again, I told myself that I was doing this for Tita Marga.