All Eternity

Revelation

Even after I text Justin it's too hard to sleep. My mind won't slow down and after a few hours I just admit it's not going to. I move downstairs to lie on the couch and watch TV. Every now and then I start to drift off but a commercial or sudden change in music will wake me up.

As it gets later in the day I start to wonder where Sarah is. I keep thinking she'll show up and then maybe we can go for breakfast. But she never comes downstairs and the longer I lay there the more my stomach starts to hurt. I still can't fall asleep, wondering if I've made a mistake by kicking Justin out. It feels wrong, all wrong that he's close but not here.

Part of me feels like I should get up and do something but there's really no reason to. Without Isaiah in the house I don't have anyone who needs me to do anything. I try to imagine where he is now and what he's learning. Where did Hope take him? Are they safe wherever they are? Will I ever see them again?

I finally manage to sleep for a few hours before I get up and make myself something to eat. There's still no sign of Sarah and around 4 I make myself go upstairs and knock on her door. She never answers so I peek in to see her asleep and alone. Seeing her in the dark makes me wish I could sleep more too so I tuck myself in bed for a nap.

When I get up it's pouring down rain outside and I can hear thunder. I have just enough time to get ready for my date with Justin. He's given me no clues about where he wants to take me so I try to pick out something I'll look good in but not too dressed up at the same time. It's hard to want to do much of anything with my hair since there's a storm going on. I'm working on my makeup when Sarah comes into my room and sits on my bed.

"I wondered if you were getting up today," I tell her, reaching for my mascara.

"I shouldn't have," she says. Her voice cracks and when I turn around she's crying.

"What's wrong?" I wasn't expecting that reaction at all.

"It's just that breaking up with Luke is so much harder than I thought," she sobs. "I know it's the right thing but it hurts so much."

"Maybe it's not the right thing then," I sit down next to her.

"Yes, it is," Sarah sniffles. "I know it is and I know it'll get easier but it's so hard right now."

"How do you know it's the right thing?" I ask her.

"That's a dumb question," Sarah glares at me.

"I'm serious," I tell her.

"The same way I always know what I'm doing is right," Sarah shrugs. "Don't you remember how it feels, Charlotte? When you figure out what you need to do and you feel excited but calm all at once?

"Yeah," I have to swallow the lump in my throat. It's been a while since I've felt that sure of anything.

"I just wish I didn't have to feel this too," Sarah starts crying again. She leans against me and I put my arm around her so she can cry on me. All of this started after her talk with Justin - so what did they talk about? I can only think of one reason she would have to break up with Luke right away.

"You still want to be polygamist, is that why?" I ask.

"Yeah," Sarah nods. I feel like shaking her but I don't. She's obviously hurting a lot and I know it won't help to start fighting with her.

We sit for a minute before I get an idea. It's crazy, but it might work.

"Is there any chance you could tell Luke that?" I ask her. Sarah sighs.

"No," she cries. "I tried to talk to him about the Book of Mormon and prophets and some other stuff like that one time. He laughed and said it was all really weird and that was before I got to anything that's actually strange. I guess he doesn't even really go to his own church so he didn't want to talk about it."