All Eternity

Promises, Promises

"Happy Music Video Day," I tell Justin as he scoops me up in the middle of the airport. Sarah and I have just gotten off the plane in Atlanta and Justin is here to pick us up.

"It's really happy now that you're here," Justin says, spinning me around. I have to laugh until he starts kissing me and then I can't catch my breath.

"Hey," Sarah tugs on my sleeve. "We should go," she points out. I try not to glare at her in front of all the cameras and people who are focused on us.

"Yeah," Justin grins at me and then gives Sarah a wink. I refuse to let go of him until we start walking and I have to settle for holding his hand. Everything felt okay until Justin winked at Sarah, now I'm right back to feeling as awful as I have for the past few weeks.

Since the night I picked Sarah up from that party it seems like every time I see Sarah she and Justin are texting each other. If they're not texting at the moment Sarah is telling me something Justin said to her. Meanwhile I can't think of anything to say to Justin since my days now consist entirely of watching Isaiah and keeping track of Sarah.

Isaiah is actually doing really well and has gotten to a point where he'll play with his toys and pull himself up to stand. He won't crawl, but at least he's acting like a normal, happy baby again and getting bigger all the time. I've stopped worrying that he'll be scarred for life because of whatever they did to him in Hills Canyon and am just afraid something I do will mess him up.

Sarah seems to be getting everything she wished for - or at least a few of the things she wished for. Whenever I check her accounts she has thousands more followers and she's always hanging out with kids from school and going out on the weekends. I've stopped asking where she's going and pretty much just figure she'll call if she needs me. The girl who cried happy tears when I told her she could go to college seems completely gone now.

Maybe I should worry a little more about what she's doing while she's out but I just can't make myself care. All I can think about is the way she smiles when she's texting with Justin and how his voice changes when he talks to me about her. He never says anything about talking to her, just keeps asking how she is like he always has but he sounds happier when he's talking about her than he does any other time.

My days are so long and so quiet now I find myself thinking all the time. I wonder where Hope is and if she's okay. Some days I pray she'll show up at our door and take Isaiah away. Other days I look at him and wonder what he'll be like when he grows up and if I'll get to teach him stuff like how to ride a bike. I start to wonder things like if Justin will teach him sports and that's always when I fall apart.

Until I met Justin I could never see myself having kids. I knew I would but I couldn't imagine it the way I could imagine other things. But with Justin I finally pictured it and now I can't think of babies without wondering if he and I will ever get to that point. I used to think we would be ready someday but anymore I just don't know. Of course that's because I also used to think Justin and I would last forever and now that doesn't seem so certain.

"You're so quiet," Justin puts his arm around me in the car.

"Sorry," I lean against him. He kisses my cheek.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Sure," I nod. Sarah's sitting right behind us so there's nothing else to say. Not here and now.

Justin has a house in Atlanta so we go there instead of to a hotel. It feels much more private to be in his house than have to deal with crowds outside the hotel and extra security. We get a quick tour and Justin shows us where we'll sleep before we sit down to have lunch.

"So, there's something I need to ask you," Sarah says. She's sitting across the table from Justin and me.

"Okay," Justin says.