All Eternity

Rebellion

"Charlotte! Tell us what happened in Vegas!" A crowd of photographers is waiting for me when I get to work in the morning. "Why are you hiding your marriage?"

"Excuse me, please," I keep my head down and try to push my way past them. But there are cameras right in my face and I can barely walk.

"Everybody off the sidewalk!" A booming voice calls out and I finally get a break as the security guard steps out of the building to help me get inside.

"Thank you," I'm actually shaking. There were probably only 10 people outside which is nothing like what happens to Justin but I've never had any attention from the paparazzi before, not by myself.

"Not a problem," the security guard says. "If you call ahead I can be ready."

"I didn't expect that to happen," I admit.

"You should," he doesn't look happy with me.

"I'm still learning," I tell him.

"Learn faster," he sits down at his desk like he's not interested in talking anymore.

I stop by the bathroom on my way to the wardrobe room. It looks like I was mobbed - my hair is a mess and my clothes are out of place. But other than that the only thing I can see is how tired I am.

Justin's team has been working all night to quiet these rumors about our "wedding." Even though Fredo tweeted the video he and Quincy were making in the wedding chapel so everyone could see Justin wasn't even there, no one paid any attention. No matter how stupid it sounds everyone wants to believe we got married.

"It will all just go away, there's no marriage certificate," Justin promised me last night. "If we really did get married it would be in the public record. When everyone realizes there's no record of it they'll have to give this up."

"I hope so," I told him. And I'm still hoping this morning.

Work is usually a great distraction because I can get wrapped up in other people's problems. Our fictional world is normally a perfect escape from my own life but today I can't get myself to focus. I don't care what our main character wears to her school dance or how it will look next to the dresses we've picked for her friends.

"You look like you need this," my boss, Mary, says. She sets a cup of coffee on my desk. "I didn't know how you take it but I brought some cream and sugar too," she smiles and drops the packets next to the mug.

"Oh thanks, but-" I stop myself. I was about to tell her I don't drink coffee, it's against my religion, but it's not anymore. I don't have a religion. "I, um, I'm trying to cut back on sugar," I tell her. "Thank you though," I make myself smile at her.

"Anytime," she smiles and goes to her own desk. "I'm sending you to the shooting location today, so I need you awake."

"I will definitely be awake," I promise. I wait until she's looking at her computer and take a sip of the coffee. The smell has always been so tempting that I'm shocked when it actually hits my tongue. It's bitter and tastes almost burnt. The milk helps and I end up using all 4 packets of sugar she's brought me to get it to the point where I can drink it.

An hour later I feel like I could run a marathon which is good because it's a busy day on set and I'm barely bothered by the pace. Even when I get back to the office I'm so focused and productive that I don't realize how much time is passing.

"You staying here all night?" the security guard asks, sticking his head into the room. I look up at the clock. It's almost 8.

"No, oh, wow, I should go," I realize. He just shakes his head and goes on with his rounds. I just finish what I'm doing and hurry out to my car.

"I made us dinner," Sarah says as soon as I walk into the house.

"That's great, I'm starving," I realize. We sit down to eat and Sarah starts throwing questions at me right away.

"Has Justin called you?" she asks.

"No, he's probably getting ready to go on stage," I tell her.

"Is he mad?" Sarah bites her lip.

"No," I take a bite of the lasagna she made. It practically melts in my mouth. "He said last night that he thinks everyone will forget soon."

"I hope so," Sarah looks down at her plate. "What's he like?"

"What do you mean?" my mouth feels really dry.

"Like, I know he's really nice and seems like fun to be around but like," Sarah shrugs. "I don't know. Tell me how to be married to him?"

"Sarah," I try not to chug my water. "Um, I don't know what to say."

"He seems good, like he doesn't get angry," Sarah pushes her food around.

"He doesn't really," I bite my tongue. "Look, I don't think you need to worry about this."

"I just want to do the right thing," Sarah looks up at me. "You're so happy together and I want to have that too."

"I want you to have that," I put my fork down. "But it's not that easy," I wish Justin and I had time to decide how to handle things with Sarah. If we're leaving thechurch that means she won't be married to Justin anymore. But I don't know if I should tell her before he comes home. I can't figure out how she'll react.

"Oh, I know, it takes time," Sarah nods. "I just don't want to ruin anything."

"You won't," I promise. I can actually smile at her now and she smiles back at me. "So what did you do all day?"

"Watched TV," she admits. "I know these shows are supposed to be off limits but they're so good."

"We don't really stick to the rules around here," I laugh.

"I know," Sarah grins. She starts telling me all about this show she's found online and how "wild" it is and I just try not to laugh. For her it must seem incredibly wrong but it's nothing compared to some of the movies Justin and I have watched before.

We finish eating and start to clean up the kitchen. I keep watching the clock and wondering when Justin will call. He should be calling any minute.

"Charlotte?" Sarah asks. I turn around. "Will you help me cut my hair?" she asks. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

"I'll take you somewhere tomorrow to have it done," I tell her. She smiles.

"Like a real haircut?" she asks.

"Yeah, we'll get you a fancy haircut," I promise. My phone rings and I grab it. I really need Justin right now. But he's not the one calling.

"Charlotte," my father says. His voice sounds very strange. "You and Sarah need to come home."

"What?" I can't make myself sound polite.

"The Lord has called your grandfather home," Dad says. "You need to come home and mourn our Prophet."

"I'll talk to my husband," I say. "This is so sudden."

"Yes, it was very unexpected," my father agrees. "Please let me know what Brother Justin decides."

"Of course," I nod. "Tell everyone Sarah and I love and miss them."

"I will," Dad says. "Keep sweet. Remember this isn't really goodbye. We'll be reunited in the kingdom of heaven."

"I know," I try to sound sincere but I really wonder if heaven exists if my grandfather would be welcome or not. I feel guilty immediately. My father hangs up and I turn to face Sarah. "Grandfather is dead," I tell her. It sounds so weird to say it that way.

"Oh my word," Sarah sinks to her knees like she's praying. It's the right reaction, how I should have reacted, but I just kind of stare at her, not sure if I should pretend to pray with her or if that's worse than not praying at all. Fortunately my phone rings again and this time it really is Justin.

"Hi," I whisper, running into the next room so I don't disturb my sister.

"What's the matter?" Justin asks.

"Our grandfather is dead," I tell him.

"Oh wow," Justin takes a deep breath.

"My father just called to tell me," I say. "He wants Sarah and I to come home."

"No, no way," Justin says immediately. "I forbid it and you can tell him that."

"Okay," I feel my shoulders relax.

"I'll tell him," Justin changes his mind. "I'll call. I should call."

"What will you say?" I can't even imagine how this phone call would go.

"That I need my new wife to get used to being on her own," Justin says. My jaw clenches. He used to mean me when he said that and now he means my sister.

"I don't like that," I say.

"It's the only good reason for you not to go," Justin sighs. "I don't want anyone to know we're leaving until I'm back and can keep you from ending up like Hope and Rachel."

"Okay," I shake my head.

"Did your father say who would take over as prophet?" Justin asks.

"No, I didn't even think to ask," I admit.

"We need to find out," Justin says. "It usually goes to whoever has been on the council longest. As far as I know that's one of two people."

"Who?" I didn't even know there was a council.

"Well," Justin sighs. "Hope's father is one of them."

"No," I shake my head. "Who's the other one?"

"Your father," Justin says. My legs wobble.

"This isn't real," I whisper, reaching for something to steady myself.

"Hey, we'll be okay," Justin says. "Let me call and see what's going on. I'll handle this, okay?"

"Justin, I don't like this at all," I tell him. He sighs.

"We'll get through this," he promises. "It's going to be okay."

"I really hope so," I can't imagine how. "How long until I see you again?"

"Two weeks," Justin says. "Just you and me. We'll work through everything."

"Okay, I can do this," I tell myself.

"Charlotte," Justin begins. "You know you can still pray, right? Just because we're leaving the church doesn't mean we're turning our back on God."

"I really hope that's true," I whisper. Now the tears are coming. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, babe," he tells me. "I love you."

"I love you too," I keep my voice down in case Sarah is listening. Justin promises to call if he finds anything out and I remember I need to call Beth. I'll do that after Sarah's gone to bed.

In the kitchen Sarah is back to cleaning up. She's not crying but starts when she sees my tears. I just hold my arms open and she comes to hug me. Even if we're crying for different reasons, I have to admit to myself it's really nice to have my sister here to hug when I need her. I really hope there's a way we'll be able to stay good friends even when she finds out Justin and I are leaving the church.

"What happens now?" Sarah asks. "I've never known any other prophet."

"I don't really know," I admit. "I've only known one too."

"Are we going home?" she wipes her eyes.

"No, Justin said we can't," I shake my head. Sarah nods like this is totally reasonable. She really has no idea how brainwashed she is.

"I think I want to go to bed now," she says. I nod.

"See you tomorrow," I tell her and watch as she goes upstairs. If I thought I was tired this morning I'm twice as exhausted now. But I really do need to talk to Beth so when I hear the water in Sarah's shower start running I pick up the phone.

"Hey," Beth sounds upset.

"We have a lot to talk about and not much time," I tell her.

"I know about Sarah," she says.

"Do you know about Hope?" I ask.

"Yeah, she and Rachel were picked up and taken to be re-programmed as I would call it," Beth sighs. "I'm so sorry, Charlotte, I thought they were safe, I really did."

"I don't blame you for this," I tell her. "Do you have any idea where they are?"

"Mexico?" Beth sounds like she's about to cry. "It's where they take everyone who needs to be fixed."

"Mexico!" now I want to cry too.

"Yeah," Beth sighs again. "So they can't run away as easily."

"What about the baby?" I ask.

"We're looking," Beth takes a deep breath. "I'll let you know if we find him."

"Grandfather is dead," I tell her.

"What? When?" she gasps.

"I don't know, Dad just called me today," I tell her.

"Oh my god," Beth says.

"Justin thinks either Dad or Hope's father will replace him," I whisper.

"We need to hope it's Dad," Beth tells me. "Hope's father wants everyone back on the compounds or kicked out. He'll be another Warren Jeffs."

"Oh no," I can't imagine. Warren Jeffs is one of the worst polygamist leaders in existence. I don't know much about him, just that he was insanely strict with his followers and liked to marry young girls - really young ones.

"I know," Beth says. "How are you? How's Sarah?"

"We're okay," I don't want to tell her the truth.

"Charlotte," Beth sounds so annoyed. "Do you realize how barbaric it is that you're sharing your husband with your sister?"

"It's fine," I won't give her the satisfaction of being right, even though she is.

"It's not okay," Beth says. "But it's better than the alternative. You take care of her, promise me. Get her on the pill, make her go to college."

"What alternative?" I ask.

"She could be married to an 80 year old wife beater," Beth reminds me. She's right.

"I promise I'll take good care of her," I say. This is the only thing that keeps me sane right now. Even if I have to hear Justin call her his wife I know that's better than trusting her to some old pedophile. But it still makes me sick. "I have to go," I tell Beth.

"I'll call if I know anything," she promises.

"Me too," I say and hang up. I go up to my bedroom and wish I'd known better than to get a job. I was bored before but I'm sure not bored now. It would be so nice not having to worry about going to work tomorrow.

But morning comes and I drag myself out of bed. Mary leaves early so I do too and, just like I promised, take Sarah for her haircut. As we're driving home I remember there's also something else we have to do before she starts school.

"It's so beautiful," Sarah keeps saying. She pulls the passenger side mirror down to look at her hair again. "Thank you so much, Charlotte!"

"Sure," I smile at her. She took forever looking through magazines to find what she wanted so I'm really glad she's happy now. I make a turn and pull into the car dealership.

"What are we doing here?" she asks when she realizes where we are.

"Well, I don't think you want to share a car when you start school," I point out. She gasps.

"Charlotte! This is too much," she protests. "I don't need a car, I can take the bus."

"Your school doesn't have a bus," I tell her. "And you know we have the money so let's pick something out."

"Oh my heck," Sarah jumps out of the car and starts looking around.

It takes hours before we can finally leave but we do manage to find Sarah a car that's exactly like Justin described - really cute but kind of irresponsible. I keep my eye on her in the mirror as she follows me back to the house. She's singing along with some music and dancing like she doesn't have anything to be worried about.

"This is worth it," I tell myself. It's not like I'm really sharing Justin with her right now anyway, and maybe I'll never have to. I really hope not. If I can keep her safe and happy then letting my family think she and Justin are married is worth it. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

The next Monday Sarah starts school. She comes home just as excited as I was about the whole set up and really happy that everyone in her grade remembers me and that seems to make her instantly popular. Every night she makes me help her pick out her outfit for the next day and then comes down to my room to choose one for me. After the first week she's helping herself to my clothes which is okay with me for about 5 seconds until my favorite stuff goes missing.

"Okay, look," I carry everything I've rescued back to my room. "I'll split everything up so you know what's okay to borrow and what's not."

"Why don't we turn one of the rooms into a massive closet and just share everything?" Sarah asks. It's actually not a bad idea except that I plan to kick her out as soon as I can.

"Because," I sigh.

"Because why?" Sarah asks. "You can turn it back into a bedroom when you have your baby."

"What baby?" I laugh.

"Mom said," Sarah squints at my stomach like she's trying to see if it's bigger. "Wait, but you said-"

"Yeah, I'm not pregnant," I roll my eyes. "Selena lied to Mom so she had time to talk to me alone."

"Did you just pretend to pass out?" Sarah crosses her arms.

"No, I really did faint but it was just hot in the room or something, I don't know," I don't like the way Sarah's looking at me now, like I might be dangerous.

"Why did you need to talk to Selena that bad?" she asks.

"Sarah," I sigh. "Look, you don't have to worry about it, okay?"

"And you don't have to treat me like a child," she says. "I'm not 18 but that's not everything. I deserve to know what's going on. Did you know she was going to leave?"

"I didn't know Justin was taking another wife," I tell her. "We didn't talk about it before the wedding so when we got home and I saw Selena come in I knew you were going to marry Justin and it was a really big shock for me. That's all."

"You had to know he would take other wives after you," Sarah raises her eyebrows.

"Of course I knew he would but we didn't talk about doing it right now," I tell her. "And Selena didn't know either."

"Oh," now Sarah understands. "That doesn't make any sense."

"But it's what our grandfather did," I shrug. Saying those words is like flipping a light switch for Sarah. As soon as she knows it's what the Prophet wanted she doesn't care anymore. "He called Selena and asked her to come and asked Justin the day before we got there. I mean, he didn't say anything about it being you, but that's not really important."

"I'm glad it's you though," Sarah says. "I was really afraid I would have these horrible women to deal with and all kinds of other stuff."

"I'm really happy you didn't end up somewhere awful," I have to pick my words carefully. She hands me the rest of my clothes back.

"Seriously though, think about the closet idea," she says, like she's completely forgotten everything we've just talked about. I almost wish I were still so trusting and didn't know the truth about how messed up our lives are.

Another week passes and I'm off to see Justin all by myself. I can tell Sarah's annoyed that I don't bring her with me but I don't care. Justin meets me at the airport and we have the whole weekend to pretend Sarah's not waiting at home. At least that's what I do.

"What if we don't leave this room today?" Justin asks the next morning, kissing my bare stomach. I smile and run my fingers through his hair.

"I would love that," I tell him. "I may not even get dressed today."

"And I would love that," Justin laughs.

We spend most of our day in bed but that evening we do get up and move to the couch. Justin and I put on bathrobes, but that's it.

"I finally talked to your father," Justin tells me. I was leaning on him but I sit up straight when he says this.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"He's taking over," Justin says. "And he really wants me to come see him."

"Oh, no," I shake my head. "Please, Justin, don't go."

"I don't want to," Justin says. "He knows I'm on tour and can't get there. Hopefully by the time I'm done touring I'll know what to do to keep him away from us forever."

"Yeah," I nod. "But maybe this is a good thing, my dad has always been kind of relaxed about the rules and he did keep us out of Copper Creek."

"I know, I hope he fixes things," Justin sighs. "Especially in Hills Canyon but I don't think I'll ever want to stay in the church. When I asked about Hope he told me I needed to have more faith in the system."

"Yeah, that sounds like my dad," I lean my head against Justin's shoulder. "What are we going to do?"

"I'm still not sure how to keep them from coming after us," Justin says. "The second I stop paying tithes they're going to be out to get me."

"That's so much money," I realize. Justin pays at least 10% of everything he makes to our church which is something a lot of Christians do, not just Mormons or fundamentalists. I still have no idea how much he makes, just that it must be a lot.

"And they're going to really angry when they stop getting it," Justin leans his head on mine. "I have no idea what they use it for either, you saw those houses. They're obviously not using my money to take care of the people."

"Where does it all go?" I wonder out loud.

"I really don't know," Justin says. "Knowing what we do, I can't imagine what kind of insane things we still don't know."

"Maybe it's better not to know," I look down.

"I'll just get mad if I keep thinking about it," Justin sighs. He would be right to. I keep picturing our trip out there last year. These people keep having babies they can't even feed and cramming people into rooms the size of my closet. My house in California would hold a family of 50 using the Copper Creek style of living. With Justin's money that shouldn't be necessary. So why does it keep happening?

The rest of the night is very quiet. We order in dinner and watch some movies but it's pretty obvious we're both lost in our thoughts. I'm trying to picture my father as the Prophet. How does that work? Does he really think he's hearing instructions from the Lord? Or is he just making it all up as he goes along?

I can't imagine my dad would just lie. He's always seemed so honest and I've really always thought he was a good man. So he must really believe he's receiving revelations. Unless maybe there's a chance he actually is. That thought is kind of terrifying and I push it away as fast as I can.

Justin has to work the next day so I follow him around, playing my role as his girlfriend. I do get to go outside the arena with Scooter and talk to some fans and pose for pictures.

"Are you guys married or not?" someone asks.

"Definitely not," I laugh.

"Would you marry him though?" someone else asks.

"Um, yeah," I giggle. "Wouldn't you?" I try to make it a joke and it actually works.

"I'm actually going to marry him though, so have fun while you can," one girl tells me and then asks me to pose for a picture with her. I almost say no but I make myself be nice.

"Tweet those at me!" I tell everyone as Scooter and I go back inside.

"You're so good with the fans," he says when we're safely away from everyone. "I think Justin really should marry you."

"Um," I laugh. Scooter knows our secret so it takes me a minute to realize he means in public. "Oh," I never thought about that. I really just figured we would have to fake a break up one day. Of course that was before I decided I didn't want to be a polygamist anymore. That changes everything, including my "fake" relationship with Justin.

"Wow, don't look so freaked out," Scooter teases. "If I didn't know better I'd be convinced you hated that idea."

"I just never thought about that part," I admit.

"Well there's plenty of time. No one will want to see that happen for a while," Scooter shrugs.

"Yeah, we'll figure it out," I agree and follow him to where all of Justin's friends are hanging out, waiting for the show to start.

In the morning everyone packs up. I have to say goodbye to Justin and he and his crew are off to a new city. My flight back to LA is pretty early so I get home before noon. I'm looking forward to a serious nap because even though I sleep better when I'm with Justin we definitely don't spend very much time sleeping.

But when I walk into my house I feel like crying. At first I think my house has been broken into because it's a complete disaster but as I get further inside I realize nothing's missing. Then I feel really stupid because I remember that normal people don't leave 17 year olds home alone for a weekend. I never thought it would be a problem to leave Sarah here by herself because we weren't raised to do things like throw parties when we were left unsupervised.

"You won't believe this," I tell Justin when he answers. "Sarah threw a party. My house is wrecked," I keep walking through the house to see how much of a mess it is."

"She didn't take long to adjust," Justin laughs. "Sorry, I'm sorry. That's really awful."

"I'm so mad at her," I head upstairs.

"If you want you can call a maid service to come clean it up," Justin offers.

"I'm going to make her clean it!" I tell him. "She needs to know this wasn't okay."

"Eh, whatever you think, you're the boss now," Justin sounds like he's still laughing.

"You're not helping," I sigh. My room looks untouched but I pull all the bedding off so I can wash it just in case. I've never actually been to a party like what I imagine happened here but I have seen of them on TV and in movies to know I'll probably find a really nasty surprise if I'm not careful.

"I'm sorry," Justin says. "You're right, you have to be able to trust her in the house. You can tell her I'm furious if it helps."

"I'm not going to lie," I tell him. He laughs.

"I guess I'm too surprised to be mad. Do what you need to, you know I'm not good with discipline," Justin says.

"I'm shocked, but I'm still angry," I find clean sheets to put on my bed and take my old ones to the washer.

"You don't think she had boys over?" Justin asks.

"Of course she did," I shake my head. "I'm sure she invited the whole school."

"Okay, now I'm getting upset," Justin says.

"Why does that change things?" I ask.

"Because, she shouldn't be alone with guys in the house," Justin does sound upset.

"I'm sure nothing happened," I sigh. Wait, why am I defending her? And why does he care so much? He doesn't know Sarah, he can't be upset because he has feelings for her. At least he better not have feelings for her.

"You never thought she would do this either," Justin points out. "I want the details."

"Why did you only get upset when you thought she had guys over?" I demand. "Seriously, Justin?"

"Because I know how guys think," Justin explains. "It doesn't matter if she wanted their attention or not, I know they tried. Or what if someone forced himself on her?"

"Alright, I'll find out everything," I sigh. I'm still not happy that's the only thing he's upset about but I don't want to fight.

"I'll call you tonight," he promises. "Love you."

"Love you too," I tell him and head back to my own room for a nap. As mad as I am I don't have much trouble falling asleep. It's the first time since the wedding I've thought maybe my sister isn't as committed to this lifestyle as I've been thinking all along.