Naryssa's Choice (The Fate and Destiny Chronicles Vol. 3)

Warning Signs

Before I continue to tell you the last of this story, tell me.

Is this Destiny?

Is Destiny, Fate, whatever you wish to call it to lose everyone and everything until there is nothing left? To face struggle and tragedy until everything becomes insignificant and history repeats itself inevitably? Is there any meaning to be found here? Was it pointless in the end? Tell me, why did we have to save a world so hell bent on destroying itself? Was I the last to have to save everyone from their own self destruction? Or would it be an endless line of people doomed to suffer through hell just to have everything they did crumble in the end? So many questions and not enough answers accompanied by the crushing weight of the conflict within me.

Another person lost...

Another price paid in crimson red...

Will it ever be enough? Or will more be lost in the name of Fate and Destiny so that maybe, just maybe, someday something will be changed?

I don't know. All I know is that I could not stop it...I couldn't stop any of it...

After Caspian's loss, someone who was always more of an annoying jackass of an older brother than a cousin to me, I lost yet another piece of myself. Of who I was. I once more felt as if the conflict of darkness and light, which felt nearly unbearable by then, had been sent into a tail spin by the loss I had experienced. I wanted to make them all pay, to make them all suffer, I wanted to watch as I spilled every last ounce of blood from their bodies and hear their screams of agonizing pain. I also felt sickened by my lust for blood and vengeance, I felt an overwhelming sorrow that threatened to drown me, I felt guilt so strongly I couldn't breathe. It was all so much. Eventually after sitting with Darren the rest of the day grieving, I fell asleep but even in sleep it would seem I would get no peace as I came face to face with my sister but I didn't let her comfort me this time. "How could you...?" I demanded tearfully, "How fucking could you?" I screamed as she stared at me with an understanding that only further pissed me off. "How could you let all of this happen!? Why couldn't you just fucking do what you were supposed to!" I screamed at her as I broke down in the meadow, I now had come to hate so damned much.

"You ruined everything and now we all are paying for it!" I continued to rant as I looked at her pained expression. "I am sorry!" She screamed and interrupted me before I could say more, "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough! I'm sorry I fucked up! Do you think I wouldn't go back and change it all if given the chance?" She argued with as much pain and outrage as I felt. "I didn't want any of this!" She screamed tearfully, "I fucked up and I hate myself for it and for everything that's happened because of it but I can't undo it! I couldn't fix it!" She shouted. "I'd take your place in a heartbeat, Nyssa! But I can't! I never meant for any of this shit to happen!" She screamed tearfully. That was when I realized it wasn't her fault, it was neither of our fault, it was our deity who doomed us to this forsaken path of destiny that left us broken and struggling. "I don't think I am strong enough either" I told her softly as the meadow suddenly felt frigid and a heavy fog hung in the air around us making the meadow look hazy. I fell to my knees as she came over and fell to hers in front of me. She grabbed me by my shoulders and I looked into her eyes which mirrored my own, they even held the same haunted pain as mine now held, "You will be. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you can choose better than I did" she told me tearfully. "Don't let his sacrifice be for nothing" She pleaded.

When I woke, I had tears running from my eyes and as I wiped them, I could see that my hands were tinged in blood. Only it was not Caspian's blood as someone had clearly cleaned it off of me, no this was my own blood that had been my tears. I washed the blood off of my hands and face before leaving the tent knowing deep down what the bloody tears were a sign of, the end was growing near but I still didn't know just how near it was. Thankfully Darren wasn't there to see it. He'd know what it meant. He'd know what I had put together. It was already starting, I was sick. I was dying. The end I so fervently craved was near. We continued with Caspian's plan and as we went forward, I began to distance myself from Darren in an attempt to protect him from becoming my collateral damage. I knew it was probably hurting him but I knew it would only hurt him worse the closer we grew to one another. I didn't want him to figure out that I was sick and I couldn't let him get closer to me just to lose me. I would hurt him now but it would kill him later if I didn't put some distance between us. I was ready for the end and I felt as if I was racing towards it now. The end was coming, of that fact I was aware, but I still had no clue just how exactly this path I found myself sprinting down would end. As the war raged on the weather began to take a turn for the worse, bombarding us with a series of thunder storms that the cold began to turn into ice afterwards. During the next few weeks after Caspian's death, I was plagued with horrendous nightmares and would wake with tears of blood. I also slowly began to get sudden nosebleeds, though they were far and few between I knew what they meant. The same thing happened to my sister.