Naryssa's Choice (The Fate and Destiny Chronicles Vol. 3)

The Sword and Journey

As we neared the border, I was both surprised by and deeply admired Darren for so bravely moving forward alongside me.

I guess when you lose so much somewhere you'll take any chance you can to escape what became nothing more than a reminder of everything that was and never would be. Though still, I knew it might be harder than he was letting on. I looked away at last from him but I could feel those forest green eyes staring at me as he spoke once more, "This isn't just about what I promised your sister, Nyssa" he told me. "This is about what I promised you, that we are in this together. Until the very end" He swore sincerely. I knew he meant it somehow as I realized though my sister was the reason, we were destined to walk this path that he wasn't doing it for her.

Though I wasn't sure why he cared so much or was so willing to keep this promise to me despite barely even knowing me. The promise he'd made to us was the same yet somehow the meaning had become something else between us, it took on a deeper meaning. Something new. Another side to the same promise. "To the very end then" I said with a smile as I slipped my hand in his giving it a reassuring squeeze, he could be brave all he wanted I knew this still had to be hard for him. Even if he didn't know it yet. Just because you pretend not to care or try to ignore the feelings that are there doesn't mean it will hurt any less to lose something. The trip to the border was long and tiring as we didn't stop much but as we did, I began to notice something happening, something within myself. It was nauseating as the darkness and light began to clash more and more with one another, the internal battle of two sides that refused to peacefully coexist in one person in this world.

With the light came a stronger conscience I wasn't used to and an empathy that was overwhelming to me, it was harder to ignore certain details about how others felt or to push my emotions aside. I could see Darren was watching me as if he could somehow sense the uneasiness building within me but he never said anything about it as we travelled onwards. Sure, I had read about my sister's descriptions but this was different and something impossible to comprehend fully without experiencing it yourself. With her it was darker tendencies and urges that came forth but for me it was like being flooded with an intense awareness of emotion that I had never felt so vividly before and a moral compass that refused to be ignored. It was like realizing everything you'd once thought or felt was wrong somehow and like you should be ashamed of it. It was conflicting against the still present dark urges and temper I had grown up with, part of me wanted to be better while the other part of me clung to the old me who would've seen someone brought to the torture chamber or dungeons without a blink of an eye. It was painful.

It was like a push and pull inside your mind, in your heart, and in your soul that threatened to tear your entire being into two. Like two personalities or beings striving to overtake the other but unable to fully win. It was enough to drive anyone mad. How could she have survived so many years feeling this way? How could this feel any worse? I was suddenly terrified my father was right, maybe I wasn't able to handle this. Would I go as insane as she had? As we finally reached the border the guards simply nodded at us and turned to leave us, Darren and I standing at the edge of where the dark territories began. I was terrified. "Are you okay?" He asked me and I just nodded as I stepped forward and crossed over the border but suddenly, I was flooded with a horrible memory, one of my own. "No! Stop! Stop!" I cried and pleaded as I realized what he was planning on doing. "Nyssa! Nyssa! Look at me! It's okay Nyss, everything will be okay!" Caspian shouted to me as he desperately tried to comfort me somehow and as I met his terrified gaze, I felt the first cut. It wasn't raining any more but I barely noticed as I felt ice cold while I let out an agonizing scream so intense it hurt to let out.

So much pain...So much fear... The agony. The pain was so intense it was like my soul being ripped from my body... I immediately fell to my knees as I gasped suddenly and breathed heavily as if the air, I breathed was not filling my lungs, it felt like I was suffocating. Panic so intense that I didn't even register Darren as he called out to me and rushed to my side. Another memory that felt unfamiliar to me began to flood my mind. "What are you doing!?" I screamed at him as I demanded to know what was going to happen as he picked up a sharp blade with a wicked curve. Only he didn't respond as he walked behind me which somehow was far more frightening than if he'd spoken to me, his demeanor different. Almost calm despite clearly still being upset if that makes any sense. It was like he didn't hear me or didn't care. My heart was racing and I was trembling as I lost the strength to continue fighting, finally wearing myself out as I waited for whatever was coming while I sobbed in fear. At first, I hadn't even realized what was being done to me. All I could register, all I could think about, the only thing I could feel was pain.