Beneath The Smiles We Hide

Chapter Eight

The moment I discovered the positive pregnancy test, I hastily dialled my partner, urging him to rush home. His face, a canvas of fear and shock, mirrored the overwhelming emotions I felt. We dashed to the shop for more tests, hoping to decipher the truth and guard against false positives. Returning to my flat, shared with a friend, we faced a second set of positive results. I was approximately three weeks pregnant. We sat in my room, grappling with the reality of the news in profound disbelief.

As we sat there processing the revelation, my partner had to leave, likely for a car issue but I can't remember now. Feeling the weight of the moment, I asked for his permission to confide in my friend for support. He agreed, acknowledging that we both needed someone to lean on. I entered my friend's room and requested her to FaceTime our other close friend. While waiting for the call to connect, my flatmate, sensing the gravity of the situation, correctly guessed that I was pregnant. When our friend answered the call, I unveiled the positive pregnancy tests. Their immediate reaction was a mix of happiness and excitement, having been by my side during the challenges of my previous miscarriage and understanding my deep-seated fear of never experiencing motherhood.

The friend who I was living with and the other I shared the news with over a call, where both of whom I had met at the nightclub. Even after we left our jobs at the club, our friendship remained. I cherished these bonds immensely, as they embodied the type of friends and camaraderie, I had yearend for during my teenage years.

I also confided in another friend, a mutual acquaintance I met through my partner, and we've maintained a strong bond since. The next night, my partner sought solace in a friend to discuss the news. When he returned, he expressed relief after sharing his feelings with his friend. He revealed that he wasn't ready for another baby and wasn't sure if he wanted to proceed with the pregnancy. I, too, had reservations, but fearing potential difficulties conceiving later, I leaned towards keeping the baby. I gave my partner the choice to stay or leave, and he decided to stay, committing to navigate this journey together.

Due to my past pregnancies, I shared with my partner my desire to keep the news within our close circle until after the 12-week scan. However, driven by my fear of miscarriage, I scheduled early scans at 5 weeks and 8 weeks. At the first scan, we witnessed a tiny dot pulsing – the heartbeat of our baby, lovingly nicknamed by my partner "little star". The subsequent scan at 8 weeks revealed a subtle wiggle, strengthening the connection I felt with this pregnancy. Despite past trust issues, we worked diligently to rebuild our relationship. December brought a magical weekend in London, filled with Winter Wonderland, Christmas lights, and an unexpected snowfall, creating a fairy-tale moment. I sensed a renewed strength in our connection, believing that, despite lingering insecurities, we could navigate this journey and provide our baby with a loving family.

Shortly before Christmas, I received an unexpected text from a friend who knew about my pregnancy. She informed me that she was in the car with her friend, acquainted with both me and my partner, and dating one of my partner's friends. Apparently, they had confronted her about my pregnancy, but she feigned ignorance, unsure if the news was meant to be public yet. Upon investigation, it became clear that she and her boyfriend had learned about my pregnancy. The only plausible source was my flatmate, who was friends with my partner's mate.

Feeling betrayed, I confronted my flatmate and the other friend we shared as a trio at the time. Admittedly, my approach was fuelled by anger, when perhaps a calmer discussion was needed. But shockingly, the response I received was horrendous. They swiftly turned against me, and the situation escalated rapidly, A massive fallout ensured, involving numerous people, leaving me bewildered as to how things spiralled out of control and how some individuals got involved. It all originated from the breach of trust when people found out about my pregnancy, a piece of news that was supposed to be kept within the inner circle of those my partner and I had confided in.