"If I'd die..."

IwaOi

Content warnings for this chapter:
- Implied PAST suicidal thoughts

For everyone who prefers hearing the story there is an audiobook version at the bottom of the chapter.

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Oikawa took a deep breath trying to mentally prepare himself for being chastised for doing another challenge. Besides Iwa probably wouldn't take him seriously, anyway. It wasn't like weird questions out of the blue were anything new for him.

He walked into the living room hiding his hands behind his back to disguise that he was fumbling with his fingers nervously. An anxious habit of his, he had ever since he was a kid.

"Why are you just standing there? If something is on your mind just spit it out," Iwaizumi grumbled, while his gaze was still focused on the book in his hands.

Oikawa chuckled nervously. This was just all too familiar and in a way that made it comforting.

With quick steps, he closed the distance between them and threw himself onto the couch and Iwa's lap, having just enough self-preservation to keep the book undamaged while stopping him from reading any further.

The former ace sighed before putting it aside and giving his full attention to the setter. He knew he wouldn't get to finish the chapter if the taller demanded his attention so vehemently. He was like a cat that would sit down on your keyboard if you dared to ignore its cries for food.

His hand found its way into Oikawa's hair and petted it softly before sliding down to his cheek and gently caressing his face.
"What is it Kawa?" he asked softly.

For a moment, Oikawa was speechless, encaptured by the genuine devotion in the emerald green eyes and his soft touch. It wasn't fair. This was so not fair.

He could feel warmth assembling in his cheeks under Iwaizumi's fingers and gulped. Years of being together and he still got weak in his knees whenever the stoic mask melted away into something softer, something caring. A side of the trainer only a few were able to experience to this extent and he counted himself as one of the lucky ones.

"I..." he began, a little uncertain now. "What would you do if I die?" he blurted the words out as fast as he could, his heart hammering against his ribs wildly.
Part of him immediately regretted it, waiting to be pushed away in annoyance while he wanted to simply enjoy this for a little longer.

Iwaizumi frowned and pulled away just enough to give Oikawa room to sit up and look at him.
"What are you talking about?"

"What would you do if I die? In an accident or if I get sick or... something else."
He looked down avoiding eye contact. Iwaizumi next to him tensed.

"What prompted this? Did something happen?! Tōru if something happened you have to tell me!"
He tried forcing his voice to remain calm but Oikawa could hear the panic seeping into it. He shook his head.

"No, I mean... This was supposedly a challenge. Noya proposed it in the group chat.
"But it got me thinking."

The anger, Oikawa had expected, flashed over Iwaizumi's face but it only lasted for the blink of an eye before the concern returned.

"What would you do?" he asked again. "I mean I can be a lot sometimes so maybe it would be easier if... If I... would anyone even mourn me?"
He knew he was spiralling from the moment he had allowed himself to consider it. He felt pathetic as the words left his mouth, getting quieter toward the end.