"If I'd die..."

BokuAka

For everyone who prefers hearing the story there is an audiobook version at the bottom of the chapter.

------------------------------

"Keiji!"
Bokuto ran into the living room, only briefly stopping by the door to flash a bright smile at the smaller. Akaashi looked up from his notes and when he saw him his lips tugged upward into a small smile, reciprocating the gesture.

"Hello Bokuto."
The talker pouted at the use of his last name as he let himself fall onto the couch beside him. Akaashi laughed and put his notes away so that Bokuto could rest his head on his lap as usual.
"What is it Koutaro?"

There was a hint of teasing in his voice that Bokuto gladly ignored as a familiar warmth spread in his chest upon being addressed so intimately by his beloved. He snuggled closer to him.
"I just wanted to ask you something."

"And that is?"
For a brief moment, his gaze wandered over to his notes again, contemplating, but before he could remind Bokuto to please be quick about this so that he could get some more work done the ace continued.

"What if I would die? What would you do?"

Akaashi paused looking at him incredulously. All the possibilities he considered beforehand in his head couldn't prepare him for this. It wasn't one of them.

It suddenly felt as though his brain struggled to process what had been said as if it had stopped working properly the moment Bokuto's words reached him.

He couldn't do anything but stare at the ace, unwilling to interpret the question further and read more into it that might result in bad news. Bad... Horrible news! Too vile to ever be considered an option.

He couldn't... He... He couldn't allow his brain to go there or he might never return. Bokuto's absence could never be even for just a second part of reality. Not in that way. Never in that way. Not in any way. He–

Don't think about it. Don't think about it! DON'T THINK!

He desperately tried to ignore the whys and hows. He didn't want to know what had driven him to such a question, not if it was what he imagined but what if he had to? What if just outside of this conscious state of denial awaited a harsh reality too bitter and cruel to be bearable?

What if just beyond what he was willing to understand lay a much more painful truth he willfully ignored?

What if–

"...Kaa..."

"...Kaashi!"

"AKAASHI!"

Strong hands had gripped onto his shoulders holding him at arm's length. Piercing yellow eyes met his gaze and searched his ocean blue for an answer. Slightly chapped lips moved as he called out to him repeatedly and — even though the raven only heard half of what was said and processed even less — he broke him out of his stupor and back into reality.

Akaashi blinked trying to regain control. All of a sudden there was a stinging in his eyes and his lungs and throat began to ache as his breath grew shallow. It was as if he had left his body entirely only for his physical sensations to multiply in severity once he returned.

"Keiji, what is wrong?"
Bokuto's voice immediately grew soft as he saw that his boyfriend was back with him. He gently yet firmly stroked over his arms to ground him and provide a sensation to concentrate on.
"Hey, it's okay. You are okay. Breathe with me."

Akaashi nodded a little uncertainly as he tried to imitate Bokuto, taking deep breaths to the best of his abilities.

"That's good. You are doing great!" the taller encouraged him.

A genuine smile spread on the ace's face as he praised him for every successful breath.

"You're doing amazing. Everything is fine. You are alright."

"Are you though?"
Akaashi's voice was thin and strained. He forced the words out. If it was bad he didn't want to know but he had to.

"Huh?" Bokuto looked at him puzzled. "Uh- of course! Perfectly fine as always."

Akaashi pressed his lips together tightly.
"But you– why did you ask me that?"

For the blink of an eye, Bokuto seemed puzzled before realization dawned on his face.
"That's what caused this, isn't it?"
He looked down guilty, biting the inside of his cheek.
"I'm sorry Keiji, but I swear I'm alright. It was just a stupid question from the group chat and I got curious."

The raven still looked at him with wide eyes as if he didn't dare believe it just yet.
"You would tell me if something is wrong, right!?"

"Of course!"

"Promise?"
His voice sounded almost meek at the request as he held out his hand. Bokuto smiled softly and intertwined their pinkies. It was a silly little gesture yet somehow that was exactly what brought them comfort.

"Promise."

-----------

~ in the gc ~

Bokuto: Sorry, but I can't send the video. Akaashi wasn't feeling well 😢

Kuroo: What happened?

Bokuto: The question kinda caught him off guard. He didn't take it well.

Kuroo: I'm sorry, I hope he feels better soon!

Lev: ^

Tendo: ^

Daichi: ^

Suna: ^

Hinata: ^ 🥺

Oikawa: ^

Semi: ^

Bokuto: Yeah, I'll make sure of it 😤

Kuroo: Good 😌✨

Noya: Who will be next?? 😆

Hinata: I could. 😁

Noya: SHOYO! Great!
Noya: I can't wait to see Kageyama's reaction 😌✨

Oikawa: I hope he cries 😒

Tendo: Kawa 😱

Suna: 🙄

Oikawa: What!? 😤

~ Hinata is offline ~

Oikawa: btw. Did anyone notice that Tsumu still isn't back?

Suna: Yeah... 🤨

Daichi: Are we sure they are alright?

Kita: I can go check on them later.

Daichi: Good idea 😅

-----------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

I hope you like it! Tell me in the comments if I should add anymore ships!

Here is the podfic/audiobook version (Please check it out to support me so that I can continue to focus on writing fanfics ✌️):