Winter Soldier: Fade to Red

Escape Plan

Nikolai followed Bucky through the tunnels while intrusive thoughts circled his mind. Maintaining a sense of detachment always came so easy for him in the past. During a mission he had no problem slipping into a particular role and allowing his true self to recede into the abyss of himself. But the events that had transpired- the bizarre shattering of his memories- suddenly had his head spinning. Images flashed through his mind. The overwhelming sense of being drowned in memories both familiar and foreign made him feel lightheaded and dizzy.

"Are you alright?" Bucky asked. He stopped walking and turned to Nikolai, who was resting against the moist brick wall.

"I'll be fine," Nikolai muttered, waving a dismissive hand at him.

"We can rest a few minutes if you need..."

"Spare me," Nikolai interrupted. "I'll be fine."

Bucky lifted an eyebrow, his expression doubtful.

Nikolai looked up at him, gunmetal grey eyes suddenly amused. "Don't believe me?"

Bucky rested against the wall, arms folded over his chest. He peered down at Nikolai and gently studied him. "Nope. Not for a minute."

"Doesn't matter," Nikolai huffed.

"It's the same lie I tell everyone everyday," Bucky softly spoke. He reached into his pocket and retrieved the glass vial Yelena had given him.

"What is that?" Nikolai asked, his eyes taking in the red, gaseous substance encased within.

"It's called Red Dust. It can be used to reverse the mind control that Dreykov used on the Red Room agents. Like you."

"But whatever manipulation this is, it's not from the Red Room," Nikolai murmured. "That was...different. I was always aware of my actions, even when I didn't want to do them. With this...it's like someone surgical removes memories from me. I drift when I pick up the phone. Then I wake up later and I'm back in my apartment. The clock tells me a certain amount of time has passed." Flashes of his days of being controlled by Dreykov hit his thoughts and he shut his eyes, shook his head. "Dreykov...kept all of us under his control. I was under it when I was sent to Sokovia. And now someone else has me."

"No," Bucky firmly stated. "You still belong to yourself. No matter what they do."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Nikolai responded perceptively.

"Why were you sent to Sokovia?" Bucky asked in an effort to evade the question. "Can you remember that?"

Nikolai lost himself in an effort to recollect but came up empty. "I can't. I only know that I went. Something happened to me while I was there...and then I came back."

Bucky stayed quiet, waiting patiently for Nikolai.

"I can't remember why," Nikolai snarled. "I only remember being captured. Tortured. Interrogated. And then...I was in Moscow again." Nikolai shook his head and let out a frustrated breath.

"What about your captors?" Bucky asked. "Do you remember anything about them?"

"They kept me blindfolded," Nikolai snapped. "Since then, my existence has just been...empty, mundane things stitched together by these fucking phone calls...and...darkness." Nikolai shrugged. "Then I wake up and I'm mundane and empty again."

Bucky wanted to touch him. He wanted to place gentle hands on him but maintained his distance. "We have to keep you away from their influence," he said in a determined voice. "The longer your thoughts are your own, the more likely you'll start to recollect what happened."

"And the less likely I am to do what they want," Nikolai added. "They've been sending me to kill people. Why?"

Bucky pursed his lips and frowned. "I don't know. Yelena doesn't either."