In my Wildest Dreams

Chapter 2

When I finally manage to fall asleep the time is already 6 am, and I only get a few hours  of rest. But it's fine,  I don't care at all when i think about the fact that i'm going to be standing in a completely sold out stadium, screaming the lyrics to all of my favorite songs, in only a couple of hours.

I get up and start getting ready for the day. I think through the plan in my head as I make the bed. The mattress is pretty disgusting and the only thing I have lying on it is an unwashed, torn pillow and a blanket with more holes in it than I can count. 

But I have my routine, and cleaning has always been important to me, it somehow makes me feel safe while also preventing me from being punished for not cleaning.

 Although the last thing is probably not entirely true, I am treated as badly as if my room were a completely mess anyway.

I bring my thoughts back to the plan again. I First I have to make sure that Mr. Watts (I don't see any meaning with calling him dad when he really isn't plus the fact that he doesn't act like one) won't notice that I'm gone. Of course, that won't be hard, he'll probably be drunk as hell at lunchtime as always. 

The hard part is to make sure I don't get caught when i get home. Sometimes he has poker night with his disgusting, drunk friends, and I really don't want to run into all of them. They obey Mr. Watt's every word and I don't think my arms or my back could handle a punishment from five people at the same time. 

Thankfully, they are usually not very quiet, and if I understand that they are visiting, I simply have to try to get in through the window to my room.

...

As soon as i'm done getting ready, I hear a scraping voice from the living room. " Where are you, you little whore? Come out and help me! Why should I have to clean up the mess you made?" Mr.Watts voice gets louder and louder and I shudder. I have to stay calm. 

I can understand from the tone in his voice that he's hangover, and sometimes that's even worse than when he's drunk. He gets so mad and irritated at everything I do. 

Trying to breath, I walk out in the living room and is met by a deplorable scene. There are several piles of vomit on the floor, broken bottles has been thrown all over the room and it smells like a zoo. I have never been to a zoo though, but I can imagine that the smell there is not particularly refreshing.

"What do you have to say in you defense?" his voice makes me wince,  and I take my eyes off the big mess he's made. 

"I'm sorry" I whisper. "I CAN'T HERE YOU, YOU LITTLE NASTY RAT" once again I wince and I can feel the panic start to build upp inside me. "I'm sorry Mr.Watts, I really am"  i say, louder this time. 

"Do you really think a measly little sorry is enough? Clean up! NOW!" 

This time his words make me burst. I can't take it anymore, tears are starting to stream down my cheeks. I don't want him to hit me, i don't want to get hurt.  But I can't give up yet. No, I have to show him that I'm strong. I can't start crying just for a little scolding.

I know I'm not the one who has abandoned the big mess in the living room,it was obviously himself that made it. But maybe I deserve this, maybe i really am a bad person. I drop down on my knees and begin as carefully as I can to pick up the broken glass bottles from the floor so I don't cut myself.

I try not to scream when I feel something hard whip against my back. The pain shoots through my spine and I can feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks again. The fact that this isn't the first time I've been through this doesn't make it any better. It hurts like hell and I try to straiten my back so that i won't fall forward, down on the dirty floor.

"Work faster, I don't have all day!" he screams in my ear.

...

Four hours and five big wounds on my back later i'm in my room, getting ready for the big moment. The moment I've been waiting for my whole life.

I managed to clean up and bandage my back all by myself, but it still hurts like I've been stung in the back by hundreds of angry bees. But what can you expect after being whipped in the back with a belt five times in a row. 

​I'm wearing a long sleeve, black dress so that you won't be able to see the scars and bruises on my arms.  However, the sleeves are a little short and the dress is a little small, but I can only hope that no one notices anything. At least my legs are completely covered by a pair of thin tights, so I don't have to worry about the huge cuts I have there being seen.

...

When I finally manage to get out of the apartment without being discovered, I really don't have much time. My short legs thump against the ground and I rush towards the subway station. 

When I finally get down the stairs, it's crowded and I can understand that there are many people who have the same final destination as me based on their sparkling, colorful outfits.

It puts a big smile on my face and I almost can't believe the fact that I'm going to see the music industry perform today!

But I'm trying to focus on the biggest challenge right now. Getting on the subway. This is one of the few times I feel like I can really take advantage of the fact that I'm as short as a ten-year-old.

I push my way between others and try not to suffocate from the crowded surroundings. It's a huge relief when i finally get on. Now all I have to do is wait. 

...

I get butterflies in my stomach when I stand in front of the big stadium. Me, little me, am here for an actual concert. I can hardly believe it. My steps are light, and I almost bounce towards the entrance. 

That's when I look at the ticket and realize how wrong I've ended up. I'm not going to sit somewhere in a corner far, far away from the stage like I thought. I have managed to get floor seats. I gasp, and rub my eyes. Am i seeing wrong? Do I need to get glasses?  This can't be true? This is the best day in my otherwise so sad, pathetic and lonely life. 

​