31 days of Broadway

December 21st

Characters from beetlejuice react to What I Know Now

Requested by Elexa_Ruby

Thanks so much

Characters reacting: Lydia, Beetlejuice, Adam, Barbra, Miss Argentina

Lez go

[MISS ARGENTINA, sung:]
I was hot

"True." Beetlejuice said.

"cállate, hombre insecto." Miss Argentina snapped.

I went to parties a lot

[MISS ARGENTINA, spoken:]
Y'know?

[MISS ARGENTINA, sung:]
I was driving Lamborghinis
Sipping super-dry martinis
In the tiniest bikinis on a yacht

"I'm intrigued." Beetlejuice said.

"Dude, shut the fuck up." Lydia told him.

"Listen to the girl." Miss Argentina said.

But I was depressed

"Oh, that must have been tough..." Barbra said sympathetically.

Also completely obsessed
An unhappy beauty queen
Who dreamed to be Miss Argentina
I had such low self-esteem
I was a mess

"Lol, relatable." Lydia agreed. She and Miss Argentina high fived.

So I gave it all up for the netherworld
I've been here forever, girl
If I was more clever, girl
I would've stuck it out
Knowing what life's about

Pain and joy and suffering
Failing but recovering
I'll tell you another thing
Everyone here is alone
So if you are breathing
Go home!

"I really hope you did Lydia." Adam said to Lydia. Barbra nodded in agreement.

If I knew then
What I know now
I would have looked within and let love in somehow
If I only knew
The truth back then
I wouldn't have had my little "accident"

Don't be blind

"Once I gouged a guy's eyes out." Beetlejuice said.

"We don't need to know this!" Adam exclaimed.

"C'mon babe, you love my stories." Beetlejuice grinned.

You left your whole life behind
See a shrink

"Ha, you can see your mom, Lydia." Beetlejuice laughed.

"Step mom." Lydia said through clenched teeth.

Call a priest
Ask the recently deceased

"Remember when you thought deceased was pronounced diseased?" Barbra asked Adam with a chuckle.

Adam's face flushed.

Death is final and you cannot press rewind

[ENSEMBLE:]
Don't jump when the light is red
Toasters should be used for bread

"And also crumpets." Barbra said.

Never smoke cigars in bed

"Just don't smoke at all." Adam said.

"You two are the most vanilla people I've ever met." Beetlejuice told Adam and Barbra.

"He's an imbecile." Miss Argentina whispered to Lydia.

"I know." the gothy teen agreed.

Nietzsche was right, y'know, to live is to suffer, bro
Don't cheat on the one you wed

"Agreed." Adam agreed, wrapping his arm around Barbra.

Never whip a thoroughbred
Angry pygmys shrunk his head
Why did it take death to see
Happiness was up to me?

"And up to DRUGS!" Beetlejuice cheered, holding up some cocaine.

Atlas and Chilli spawned, stole it, then left.

[ALL:]
If I knew then
What I know now
I would've laughed and danced
And lanced every sacred cow

"I... what?" Lydia questioned.

I thought I knew
But I was wrong
'Cause life is short
But death is super long

[ENSEMBLE:]
I exploded!

"Cool." Lydia said with a slight smile.

[MISS ARGENTINA (ENSEMBLE):]
If I knew then
(If I knew)
What I know now

[ALL:]
I would've crossed every line
And drank all the wine

"It's like, fifty bucks for a plastic cup of room temperature wine at theatres." Beetlejuice said.

Before my final bow

[MISS ARGENTINA (ENSEMBLE):]
If I knew (If I knew)

[ALL:]
The things that now I know
I would ride the highs and cherish the lows
Going, it's a quick trick 'round the rodeo

"I was in a rodeo once." Beetlejuice said.

[MISS ARGENTINA:]
So before they lower the curtain, be certain to enjoy the show
That's what I know!

[ENSEMBLE:]
Life is short but death is long
Here, one minute then it's gone
Thought I knew but I was wrong
If I only knew what I know now!

What's a phrase that sounds nice in your mouth?

Rochambeau