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27: YET ANOTHER UNWELCOME COMPANION

In which Fang makes an important discovery and a difficult decision.

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As Harriet was being waylaid in the forest, Fang and Winkton were sitting in what used to be the village inn. They were in what used to be the common room, seated on what used to be benches, facing each other over what used to be a table. Now, however, the inn was a wreck, the common room was a jumble of broken furniture, the benches were scrap wood, and the tables were, for the most part, upside down. What used to be the innkeeper was a blubbering lump in the corner, which whimpered each time a crash sounded from upstairs. This happened quite often, informing those downstairs that Gustav was in the process of turning what used to be the guest rooms into shattered husks of timber.

The next crash was particularly reverberant, sending a tankard juddering off a table and clattering to the floor. Winkton jumped, and then winced as he landed back on the broken bench. Reaching beneath his backside, he extracted a splinter.

"What are we going to do about him?" Winkton moaned, examining the splinter with a pained expression.

"That," said Fang, "is precisely what I am trying to figure out." This, of course, was code for: Shut your mouth and let me think.

A thump directly above their heads made the whole building shudder. More crockery showered to the ground with an exuberant SMASH. The innkeep wailed, then returned to sobbing.

Fang understood the innkeep's distress, he really did, but he wished that the man would shut up. Why Middlers leaked when they were sad was quite beyond him. "The situation is most... inconvenient," said Fang. He put out a hand to drum his fingers on the tabletop, then realised there was no tabletop, and quickly withdrew it. "It is clear that Gustav Brightmann is unstable and that he is dangerously obsessed with finding my nephew. On top of that, it is clear that your daughter's escape has enraged him beyond anything we've yet seen."

Winkton scowled. "And it is clear to me that your nephew has abducted Harriet again. He conspires to turn her against me! He plants poison in her heart!"

That's not a vampiric trait I'm aware of, Fang thought sourly. Sounds useful though. "I can assure you," he said, "that my nephew is incapable of conspiring in any way, shape, or form."

Winkton wouldn't be shaken. "He's a wily beast of Night! Gustav warned us when we met that your nephew was a most dangerous specimen."

Fang grabbed Winkton by the lapels. Winkton let out a small, strangled mmph as the vampire pulled him close.

"My nephew," said Fang, slowly and deliberately, "is incompetent. He is merely a passable creeper, a rudimentary seducer, and his Dancing..." Fang snorted. "The less said about Rupert's Dancing, the better."

"He's a killer!"

"He's a predatory species, what do you expect? You eat cows, don't you?"

"Yes, but-"

"And pigs and chickens and sheep and deer and even-" Fang wrinkled his nose. "-fish."

Winkton blinked. "What's wrong with fish?"

"I'm saying," growled Fang, "that in terms of species, we kill far fewer than you Middlers do."

Winkton wrenched himself from Fang's grip, plonking back onto his seat and earning himself yet more splinters. "Do not try and justify your obscene diet by comparison with ours." Pulling out a handkerchief, he dabbed at his face. "In any case you cannot deny that, whatever his eating habits, your nephew has abducted my daughter at least once-and probably twice-in the space of a week."