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28.1: INTERESTED PARTIES (part 1)

In which Harriet doesn't make a great first impression.

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As the three vampires surrounded her, Harriet knew at once who they were. Rupert had told her about his snappish cousin, overprotective mother, and loopy father. But Rupert's descriptions had been vague at best, mere sketches that had not prepared Harriet for the full, vivid reality of the three beings who now confronted her. For example, Harriet had not been prepared for the speed at which Pim darted behind her and twisted Harriet's arms behind her back, pinning her in place before she could so much as yelp. Neither had Harriet expected Elizabeth's expression to be so utterly murderous as she stepped towards her. And Harriet certainly had not been ready for Edmund's sheer exuberance as he ran to and fro among the trees, holding out his cloak like a pair of wings and yelling "Weeeeee!" at the top of his voice.

It's a wonder Rupert turned out so normal, Harriet thought, momentarily stunned. Relatively normal, anyway. Relative to his relatives, that is.

But Harriet was not granted much time to reflect upon the Morbid-Hilt family traits, for Pim started shaking her viciously from behind while Elizabeth fired questions at her from in front-questions that ran mostly along the lines of: "Where's Rupert? What have you done with Rupert?"

Unsurprisingly, Harriet found it rather hard to answer while being shaken so vigorously, not to mention with Edmund hollering in the background. This was, however, a blessing in disguise, because Harriet didn't know what she would answer even if she could get the words out. Rupert had fled his family's castle out of shame, scared that they would disown him if they knew he'd been desanguinised. But Rupert's family obviously cared enough about him to track him down, following him far north of their home and into the heart of a Middling forest. Perhaps Rupert had been mistaken about how his family would react to the news of his desanguination. Perhaps Harriet ought to tell them the truth, and that Harriet was trying to help him find a cure.

But there was more than just the desanguination to contend with. Harriet pictured the scene: her putting a hand in her pocket, bringing out Dolly a.k.a. Rupert, and holding him out to his enraged mother. Oh, and one more thing-we ran afoul of a witch and she turned Rupert into a pincushion. I hope that's not a problem.

No. She couldn't do it.

When Rupert had told Harriet about his mother, she hadn't sounded particularly fierce. In fact, Harriet had been quite envious of the adoration Rupert received from her, though he wasn't too happy about it himself. But nothing of Elizabeth's affectionate side was evident now; the expression on her face as she hissed her questions at Harriet was, quite frankly, terrifying. Vampires can scowl like no other creature can scowl (except perhaps basilisks, which live rather sad existences, accidentally slaying visitors with a single glance when all they meant to do was check if they were enjoying their tea) and Elizabeth was employing her vampiric scowl to full effect. Harriet didn't know what Rupert's mother would do if Harriet handed her a tiny, woollen version of her son, but she had seen enough to guess that mercy was not likely to feature strongly in Elizabeth's reaction.

"Speak, Middler. Answer us!" Pim shook her harder. "Tell us where you've hidden Rupert."

"If-you-would-just-stop-shaking-me-for-a-moment-" Harriet gulped.

But Pim was in her element. "Answer us! You will answer us! Or I'll shake you 'til your head drops off!"

"But-I-can't-"

"I'll shake your bones out of your body!"

"But-I-"

"Philomena..." Elizabeth had paused in her interrogation and was looking on with an eyebrow raised.