Bump

40.2: THE OTHER HALF (part 2)

Rupert thought he had seen everything. In the past fortnight he had met hawks turned into men, men turned into mice, feral broomsticks, witches who were godmothers, cheeky werewolves, sickeningly gallant knights, and treacherous sea-captains. He'd been desanguinised, bumped about, fed porridge, turned into a doll, turned back into a person, smuggled in the hold of a ship, brainwashed, and shot at. But he had never, in all his one hundred and fifty two years, seen anything like the Fairy Godmother Herself.

No one else appeared to have done so either, for everyone was struck dumb by the appearance of the sparkling being of light, and no one had answered her question. The silence was stretching and, frankly, it was getting a little uncomfortable.

Then, of all people, Rupert's cousin stood up.

"Hello," said Pim. "I'm Philomena. But you can call me Pim." She gave the being a deep curtsey. "And can I just say... your R.G.N.T are incredible."

That's it, thought Rupert. She's finally lost it. Pim's talking nonsense. He watched in trepidation as the shining entity floated closer to his cousin. It was hard to tell with a ball of light, but it appeared to be examining Pim. Then it floated towards Elizabeth and Edmund. Elizabeth leaned back from the light while Edmund let out a chuckle.

"I say," said the Fairy Godmother Herself. "Aren't you the vampires who helped my R.G.N.T apprehend the rogue godmother?"

Elizabeth adjusted her hood. "Why... yes. Yes, we are."

The orb pulsed in what Rupert could only describe as a friendly manner. "Then I am very grateful for your assistance," the entity said brightly. "Quite a nuisance, that one was. I should really thank you."

"Hm." Now that she was over the initial shock of the Fairy Godmother Herself's appearance, Elizabeth appeared to be somewhat disgruntled by the whole affair. Rupert could only admire his mother's composure as she eyed the shining being. "I should think we are owed rather more than a thank you," she said, "given the reception we received here. My son was kidnapped and forced into labour, my brother has been shot, and my entire family manhandled."

The orb pulsed for a moment or two, and Rupert was suddenly very afraid that his mother had badly misjudged the situation. Then the orb said, "You are quite right, of course. An apology is entirely insufficient given the nature of the breach of regulations that has occurred here. In fact, according to the policy set out by the E.C.C., Abuses of Magical Position deemed to be in category E-that is to say, Egregious-are due compensation of one, singular, wish, of category three and no higher." The orb pulsed a little more. "I do hope that this compensation seems agreeable to you. If not, I am obliged to inform you that you may lodge an appeal with the E.C.C., in writing, to be heard by the E.C.C. at a date no later than one, singular, year following the aforesaid category E Abuse."

Elizabeth blinked. "A category three wish? What does that mean?"

"Well." It might have been Rupert's imagination, but the orb sounded a little tired. "I don't believe you want to hear all of the categories. Let's just say you can't wish for 'world peace' or anything like that. That would be category ten. Or, say, for all the birds in the sky to turn into gingerbread. That would be category eight."

Pim frowned. "Who would wish for all the birds to turn into gingerbread?"

"My dear, you'd be surprised."

Elizabeth looked thoughtful for a moment, but then she smiled. "A category three wish. Yes. That should be sufficient." She turned her eyes to Rupert. "But if it's all right, I would like to grant that wish to my son."