Never Be The Same - A Charlie and Nick Story

Chapter 12 - Monday Blues

❗️Warning: Self Harm, Anxiety, and Eating Disorder

Charlie's POV

Yesterday I spent all day with Nick. We cuddled in my room. Watched some tv. Kissed a few times. Talked a lot. Like a lot. It was probably my favorite days in a really long time.

Today, I have to put a brave face on and face Ben. I did not answer him at all. Nick said it would probably be better to do it in person, which I really did not agree with but he was kind enough to talk to me about this problem so I feel like I had to listed.

Spanish 201 with Darcy and Tara was good. We had an exam, which I actually completely forgot about, but I think I did good. Thank you to my grandparents from being from the Southern part of Spain and mostly speaking Spanish! We also have presentation assigned so Tara, Darcy and I paired up so that makes it easy easier.

I start to walk to my Creative Writing Class to face Ben. I start to walk quickly so I can get to my seat before him, I feel an urge as I get closer to the building. My hand runs up to the bandage I replaced this morning on my bicep and I fidget with the edges that did not lay flat. When I get to the building, my phone makes a familiar ping. I wait to look at it until I am in my seat in the classroom. I am the first one here which kind of makes me more nervous.

Instagram:

Nick: Good luck, Char. I am just in the Science Building for Psych 201. I can be at the English Building in a few minutes 👍🏼

Charlie: Thank you Nick

When I am about to send a heart emoji, books are slammed on the desk next to me. I slowly look up to see Ben, a pout on his face. He looks exhausted. Not like the Ben I am used to seeing. "You okay, Ben?" I ask, trying to hide the slight concern I have. Does he look like this because of me? Did I make him so miserable? Is this like how I made Nick feel?

"What do you care Charlie?" He spits out sharply. I cannot help but widen my eyes in surprise. "If you cared, you would have answered me. Right?" He adds. I feel a weight is being pressed to my chest. I grab at my bicep and think about how I want to respond. "I wasn't feeling that well so I went to bed and didn't wake up until the next day. I didn't purposely ignore you like you think. I am really sorry that I hurt you but..." My voice trails off and he looks incredibly offended. He turns his body to face me, his right arm resting on the back of the chair. "But what?" His tone turns cold and he looks angry.

"You did not have to tell me that I am a horrible person for not answering." I say quickly and then look down at my lap. "You are a disgusting person. We had a thing going and you decide to just ghost me like a one-night stand. Without the sex even." His tone starts to fill with rage. "Who the hell does that nowadays? Shitty people who do not care about other people and their feelings. I really liked you Charlie and instead you just started acting like a big dick and blowing me off with no regard."

Before I can respond he adds in whisper, "You are so disgusting Charlie. It makes me so sick." I don't look up at him. I am just taking in the words he spit at me. By the time I have the ability to look up, he is no longer there. He left because you are such a selfish, undeserving person. He is right. I am a shitty person.

I quickly wipe the tear that falls down my cheek just in time for people to come into the room. The rest of the class I just scribble in my notebook, unable to focus on what the professor is saying. Sometimes I would get an urge and I would tug at my bandage on my bicep but I would try to push that feeling away so I would not start bleeding through my flannel.

I walk slowly to the elective class but when I get outside the building, I freeze. How can I face him and tell him that everything is fine? How can I lie to him without getting caught... Look at you being such a pathetic person. Lying to your friend. Some friend you are Charlie...