Never Be The Same - A Charlie and Nick Story

Chapter 21 - You're Not Just Our Captain

❗️Triggers: Anxiety and Bullying
Nick's POV

When I got back to my flat, all my mates were there. They were playing drinking games and pregaming before going to the bars with the team.

"Nick, mate!" Otis shuffles over to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders when I come up from the laundry room that's in the basement. I laugh at how drunk they are. "How is it?" I ask, placing my arm around his shoulder. "Do you and Charlie want to come out with us?" Christian asks. A small anger rises in me, not from my mates but from thinking of seeing Harry and the others.

"Charlie has to practice for his band and I have to do my rugby clothes. Maybe we can all meet up next weekend for Halloween?" I suggest, a smile on my face. The guys get all excited and start asking about the squad. Even though they are wasted, and probably wont remember this conversation, it is really nice to talk about Charlie and my friends. It's nice to feel like the four of us are getting closer.

"We are heading out, want to make breakfast in the morning when we get back?" Sai asks, he the most "sober" out of all of them. "If you guys wake up before 10, sure." I laugh and nudge his shoulders. He bats my shoulder and grabs Christian and Otis by the arm, leading them through the corridor and out the door. I wrap my arms around biceps, hugging myself. I smile to myself before I reach into my phone to text Charlie the rest of the night.

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The guys did not get home until five in the morning so they were, in fact, not up at 10. More like 14:00. So I made them breakfast for when they got up. I decided to go on a small run which turned into a seven mile run. I was just lost in thought about tomorrow. I just have a pit in my stomach since I woke up and I couldn't shake it. I don't know if I miss Charlie even though I just saw him yesterday or if it's something else. I also have been talking to him all morning, so... really what is making me so anxious.

Maybe I can go see him after band? I think I can really use a Charlie hug.

I just finished my homework when Charlie texts me saying he finished band practice and is going over to Tori's for dinner. So no Charlie hugs tonight and no squad movie night.

I spend the night with my mates and we watch two movies and play a card game that Christian made up. Hanging out with them kind of distracted me from the feelings that are stirring in me. Eventually we all decide to head to bed. I text Charlie, but he doesn't really respond that quickly like he normally does. I know he's with his sister, but I am just nervous that it's more than that.

What if I pushed him too much and he's now just realizing it... What if he is avoiding me...

I feel my heartbeat rise and I my palms get sweaty, like when I had those panic attacks. I wrap my hands around my biceps and trace small circles on my skin. I calm down enough to finally lay in my bed, wrapping my blanket around me tightly. I message Charlie telling him I am going to bed and I will see him tomorrow for our class together. I wait about an hour and I don't hear back from him. I try to push my thoughts to the back of my mind as I fall asleep.

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I wake up Monday morning after sleeping on and off the whole night. I woke up in a cold sweat and shaking. I think I had a nightmare but I don't remember what it was about. I put all my things together for class and rugby practice and bring them to the kitchen. I make some breakfast and tea while I wait for the guys to wake up. I check my phone, no messages from Charlie...

"Is this for us?" Otis asks, pointing at a giant plate of pancakes. I nod my head. "There is hot water in the kettle if you want tea." I say, pointing at the counter. A few minutes later Christina and Sai come out to the kitchen. They sit down and shovel the food in their mouths. "Ready to go?" I ask everyone when I place the dishes in the dishwasher. They all sling their bags over their shoulders before we walk to my car.