Letters That Will Never Be Sent

Letter 1: Where Our Ways Do Part

This is my letter, maybe later I will write an other one later...

Dear Friend,

We have tried everything. But I guess it just wasn't able to last. I have been able to enjoy your company for a few months, but there is where it will have to end. I have tried my very best to keep in touch, but it felt like I was some sort of burden to you. Like it wasn't enough. Maybe I tried too hard. Maybe you thought that I was too clingy, too desperate. In a way I was, but what was I supposed to do? Give up on my only friend? Give up on someone who I could laugh with? Give up on someone with whom I thought I had an connection?

I might have left you very sudden, but I told you the second I knew. The second I had accepted that I would have to leave everything I had build up behind. This was a surprise to me too. Everything changed. Where I lived, who my friends were, how I acted, who I was, my passion, everything. I changed, but the second I was gone it was like you were scared of me. Like I was some crazy person who got send away to be raised in a right way. I didn't want to leave the good things behind, but I hoped the bad things would become less if I left.

I don't regret leaving. It made me a better person. It made my good sides stand out even more. It made my heart bigger and my brain wiser. I don't regret it, because I am proud of who I became despite of everything that made my life a fire that burnt my body slowly and painful. I manage to be myself, to keep standing every time life turns into chaos. I keep laughing and smiling, because happiness keeps me standing. I don't regret a thing, but this: I didn't say it to you face. I tried too hard, too hard to show you that I was still me. I didn't tell you that you caused pain by acting distant. By acting like I was a stranger, just a classmate that left because she had issues.

I guess I should have done that. But I didn't, I wanted it too bad. I got back home, everything changed, but not for the better. Every night, every day suffering from the wounds that won't heal. I tried. I really tried, but I guess it just wasn't enough. It won't be enough. I have enjoyed our time together, but I guess this is where our ways do part. Thank you for everything.

-Lara