End Game: My Brother, My Friend.... My Lover?

DOYOUNG

         "Wae? And who broke up who? You?"

         "Mmm" he just hummed in reply.

         "Waah! Yaah! Since when do you know how to break a girl's heart, huh?" I hope I didn't sound too overreactive.

        "Ani, I did plan to but I guess she felt the vibe already when we met. My sudden awkwardness and silence probably gave me away." I defended.

       "What did she say? Was she mad? Did she cry?" 'Ok, hold your horses Doyoung, you're getting too involved in the drama that doesn't concern you.' Did I sound too nosy?

      "Ouch!" He pinched my nose and pulled back.

      "You sounded like a reporter Mr. Kim. Come on let's go back inside. It's chilly out here." Then he guided me back inside.

      "Ani, of course I'm curious why. Wae, what's wrong with asking? Besides, I'm your bestfriend why can't you say it?"

     'Ok that sounded so pushy. Stupid mouth.'   I smacked myself to wake my senses up.

      "Ok boss, as you wish." The brat just smirked with his evil teasing face. I couldn't help but pout with his antics.

      "On a serious note, she understood that we lack of time for each other. We seldom get to hangout and if we did find time, it's always in a rush or sometimes gets canceled because of some emergency. As she said, she felt we couldn't nurture our relationship further if we go on like this. And she understood that both of us are at the prime of our career so dating is a luxury for now."

        It made sense listening to what transpired in their conversation.  I applaud Sowon's maturity in handling her emotions. I bet sensing your partner's impending plan to breakup isn't anyone's wishlist. I feel so immature especially when I thought of how Woo and I broke up.

       I knew his career plans was a petty thing to be considered the main reason. Maybe it's immature of me but, I'm human too. Just thinking of a sudden change in my life routine, with the pressure from all the changes happening all at once, it scares me and I need him. But I couldn't make myself stop him, for a lot of complicated reasons too. It's an internal battle for real. And if I happen to stop him for my own selfish reasons, he might give in, IF he does love me enough to understand my plight and stay. The big question is, can I take responsibility of his decision and see myself with him in bringing our relationship to the next level? Do I love him that much that I could picture a future life with only him? That got me more scared.

        The fact that it's just 2 months ago, but it felt like several months or a year already. Woo will arrived soon for our Final Concert and after... well it will be the start of another chapter of our lives, and the end of the past.

       "Earth to dobby! Stop day dreaming. You look like your mind went to Mars already." He's now teasing me, breaking the train of thoughts I had just now.

       "Ouch!" I pinched his tummy making him winced in pain of my sudden attack.

       "You're such a bully. Is it bad to do some thinking? Do i need your permission too?" I whined.

       "Ani, you were the one who's so nosy earlier and then you suddenly went silent. If you're worried with Sowon, don't be, we're still friends. In fact she's game for some fun when we both are free and plan a vacation or trip, she's up for it. Besides, I promised Rora to join us too."

        "I'm cool with it. But with our coming concert that would be impossible to plan. Maybe a little get together would do.  I guess dinner will do since all of us are in YG so it's easier to see them." I added.

        "Right, I think I mentioned to Sowon about a housewarming party of my place. I haven't actually had one since I moved in here. Maybe we could have some takeouts and invite them. We could call the other hyungs too, who's free." He suggested.

         "That's great, we could do that. I'm not sure of the others though but we'll try. What can I help? When do we have it anyway?" I got excited a little actually. I don't why but I do have a good feeling about this and for some reason, I can sense positive vibes with Rora and for Sowon, I also feel she's cool to be friends with.

      "Wait I'll ask them first if they're available this weekend. Then we can plan."

     Junghwan called Rora and Sowon to confirm their schedule so we can coordinate ours. As for me, I only have one shoot for a commercial and almost free of any work  since I initially had considered going back to school to finish my premed units.

       "They're both ok this Sunday. We'll make it at 3P.M. Bout you dobs? Late lunch or afternoon coffee to til dinner would be good too, what do u think?"

       "I'm free let's do that then."  It's been a while since I had gatherings like this with friends. Because of the nature of our job, meeting old friends sometimes is too troublesome because of the reporters and fans. We couldn't enjoy the chance since our movements are calculated and monitored. Privacy is a luxury.

        But this, is something new to me. That's probably why I'm a little excited, it's more private and laid back since no cameras and dispatch on our tail.

     "Ok that's settled then. Come on let's go back to bed. It's almost morning and I haven't had my beauty sleep for tomorrow's shoot." He dragged me by the hand to his bedroom. 'Yes bishes, we're sharing his bed.' Only my clothes and other personal things in his guest room. He's such a baby, he loves to cuddle that's why he called me his bolster pillow.

        Before you all trying to kill me, nope, it's not a regular occurrence thing. Just for tonight because he knew I'm having a bad day. Though I can't promise you if my "bad days" won't be a regular thing though, oopsies 🤭🤭🤭🤭.

       Kidding aside, I really do feel safe and good when I'm with Junghwan. His presence makes me calm and relax and feel different emotions too. I know it's a dangerous territory and rationally speaking I'm scared big time. He embodies the full package of everything any man or woman would need.

      That's why I am torn between my desires or our friendship. But he's too important for me to loose. I couldn't even imagine my life without him now.

      This is what I hate about myself so much, I'm too emotionally dependent. I hate being alone and I tend to seek physical touch and comfort. 'Who are you fooling Stupid. As if anybody can just quench your thirst, admit it, the only one who can give you all these needs is the one you're scared to have. Coz once you get the taste of him, you're afraid you will want more. And IF you will try to be selfish and take the risk, you know there's no guarantee that the relationship would last and would lead to a fall out and end up losing him.'

         Another thing to consider too, his career. Junghwan loves his job so much. Since 13 years old or even younger, he already dreamed to be a star. And I can't be another burden to another person's dream just like Woo, never, especially my Hwan.

       I'd rather have him as a friend forever than take a risk over uncertain relationships and might loose him. That I couldn't bear.

~ Page 13 ~