OD: AKUMU [OMORI OCS AU]

CHAPTER 12 - SELFISH DECISION

Haruki stared at Akumu who's standing right in front of him. He panted as he tightened his grip on his wounded arm. "It's unfair isn't it?" He looked up to Akumu. "It's unfair and you know that." 

"You ignored everyone's pain and focused on yourself. You locked yourself up in this little world you created, and created us for you to distract yourself the pain and guilt you've been feeling. You kept yourself from everything.  You were the reason why your friends are like this.

You made Kuro create a version of himself that he never wanted to be when he grows up. You made Isaac think he wasn't a good enough friend for Cielo that made him look down on himself. You made Kaitou think it was his fault that maybe he should've been always there for him and never focused on work. You made Koharu think that she pressured Cielo too much for help.

Don't you realize? all those suffering and pain they're feeling, they're all caused by you."

Akumu got onto his knees and looked at Haruki's eyes with his black empty dull eyes. Haruki wanted to just end everything, he doesn't want to hear everything else. But, it is true that he was the cause of this. He was the reason of everyone's pain. He made his friends blame themselves. He shut everyone out and focused on his own little world, where everything's perfect, where nobody had to die. He knew it was stupid, he knew it was selfish. But he can't help it. He can't face the pain, the truth. He was in so much denial. 

"Yet you're here, standing, managing to still enjoy outside. Don't you think it's unfair? That someone like you had to live while the others that deserved a life passed away like a bubble. Someone that wanted to make their dreams come true, someone that wanted to make more memories with their love ones, someone who wants to spend time with their friends and family. Someone who actually had a future, yet life failed them. Unlike you who wasted yourself living, someone like you that have no future, still standing, being able to see the world change day by day. A murderer like you doesn't deserve to live." Akumu stood up and looked behind. Haruki just looked down, letting Akumu's words engulf him.

 "You made your friends live in a lie. Do you think they'll forgive you when you tell them the truth? Do you think they'll forgive a murderer like you? Face it, Haruki. No one will forgive you, after the pain you gave them, made them believe a lie for 5 years. Don't you think it's stupid?  The delusions you've been going through is reminding you what you did. Yet you chose to ignore them. You chose to keep your lies for yourself, for what? to protect yourself? Don't you think that's selfish of you? Someone out there is going through way worse than you yet they never let themselves go in denial. You're pathetic."

Haruki gritted his teeth. Tears swelling up in his eyes. It's true, what Akumu's been saying is true. He was selfish, he really was. He never thought about the ones around him. He felt arms wrapping around him. He looked at Akumu who's hugging him. "You're me and I'm you, Haruki. I know your true feelings, Your thoughts, everything. And it's your choice."

Haruki sobbed and hugged Akumu. He slowly disappeared. As Akumu was left there alone, standing. He looked down and saw a photo on the ground, he picked it up and rotated it. He stared as he walked away, leaving Lightspace. Haruki slowly woke up and scanned his surroundings. He's in the hospital. He looked to see Kuro on a wheelchair, looking at him. "Oh.. you're awake."

They both looked in the eye, he can see the guilt in Kuro's eyes. Haruki touched his right ear. Right, it's gone. His friends came through the door and was happy to see Haruki awake. Kaitou gave Haruki food but refused to eat. Kaitou's eyes twitched and shoved the bread down to his throat. Koharu and Isaac pulled him away. Haruki choked and chuckled afterwards, he looks at his friends who seems to be okay than usual. He smiled then thought about what Akumu said. The doctors said that Haruki can be discharge out of the hospital in a few hours. Since him and Kuro had been in the hospital for a week after their fight. Haruki wouldn't have the ability to hear with his left ear but he was fine with it.

After a few hours, Haruki and Kuro are finally out of the hospital. Haruki needed some support because a pressure might cause his left ear's bleeding worse. Kaitou decided to volunteer with supporting Haruki till he recovers at least a little. Haruki stayed at Kaitou's house for 3 days. Haruki wanted to go home but Kaitou refused for him to leave, he wanted Haruki to stay at least a few more days until he's fully recovered. Haruki refused but eventually, Kaitou just let him go. Haruki left Kaitou's house and went back to his apartment, Kaitou sighed, and sat on his bed. "What's going on with him?" He thought to himself. He's still bothered by the scene he saw last time. Haruki's left ear on the ground as blood kept streaming down from the cut. He saw Kuro passed out on the floor with a bloody rusty cutter on his hand. He couldn't take it out of his head, he sighed and went to sleep. Haruki opened the door and went inside, he threw something in the drawer and laid down on the bed. Why was Kaitou worried? Why did he even bother to volunteer with taking care of him. He didn't need anyone taking care of him. He doesn't deserve any good treatment he's receiving. Akumu's words flooded his head, as he sobbed. Kuro had the rights to take his anger out to him. 

He wants to tell them all the truth but in reality, he's scared. He really is. Do you think they'll forgive you when you tell them the truth?

He remembered Akumu's words. He knows they won't. They will never forgive a liar like him. Cielo would still be here of they both never met, he would have celebrated his 13th birthday if they never met. Why is he even still here? Because of him, someone lost their life. Because of him, someone wasn't able to see their future, because of him, someone wasn't able to witness the world change day by day. Because of him, someone wasn't able to make more memories with their love ones. He loved him, he truly did. He just wishes to turn back time and prevent things from happening. What if he was able to push him instead of Cielo? What could've happened if he just invited Cielo more early to the amusement park? What could've happened if he knew how to do self defense properly. Maybe Cielo would've still be here, smiling, hanging out with them. Maybe Kuro could've grew up without feeling alone and neglected, maybe Isaac didn't have to put up a poker face to convince everyone he's alright. Maybe Kaitou wouldn't feel like it was his fault he wasn't there at all times. Maybe Koharu wouldn't have felt that she pressured Cielo a lot for help. Maybe if he never existed, Cielo would be still here.

He looked at the drawer and opened it. He looked at the Glock in it, the one he took from Kaitou's house earlier way before he left. He looked at himself in the mirror, feeling disgusted on how he looks, how he's looking at a murderer. He reloaded the Glock as he pointed it on his head, tears streamed down to his cheeks. As he was about to close his eyes, he felt a cold hand holding his. He looked to see a young boy, smiling at him. A warm smile. "Everything will be alright. It'll end soon." The boy said. Haruki smiled, he knows that this isn't the right choice. But, he has nothing to live for. But that what he was thinking. Nothing can convince him with living, nothing else matters, nothing. So what's the point? He held onto the small hand. He felt himself close his eyes, the last tear streamed down his cheek, pulling the trigger.

Then he was asleep.

A rest he would never wake up from.

even if it was a selfish decision, at least he can finally be free from everything.

He can finally be with him again.