what do i write/ what do i say/ how do i breathe/ how do i move/ what sentiment must i kill in my throat/ what praise must i allow to spill from my dry mouth/ what month must i wait for/ what season must i cherish/ what person should i look to/ for refuge/for guidance/ for tough love/ for any love at all/ what must i do/ to be good/ must i cut the itch out of my bones/ the itch to meld into my bed/ never open my eyes again/ speak only to cats and babies with black eyes/ and then, too, never with words/ what connection must i chase after/ is it going to be this boy? or the next?/ who must i leave behind/ who must i drag with me/ who should i claw into/ who should i brush off/ who's going to change my life/ who should i look in the eye/ who's going to misunderstand me/ who's going to understand me/ must i go to europe?/ like the cab driver who has lived in 8 countries tell me/ must i return to the motherland, if you will/ must i be this / must i be that / must i be anything at all, or is a girl good enough?/ please let it be good enough/ please please please/ give me a life that feels nice/ give me someone to care for/ give me a reason to be better/ give me the pill that makes you bubbly and kind and loving / give me the knowledge of gifts and kindness and giving / teach me how to know people / tell me how to be / how to love / how to breathe / how to smile / how to dress / how to look / how to stare / how to look away / how to write / how to earn / how to survive / how to find a way / how to read / how to criticize / how to know bad from good / how to keep away the bad / how to bring the good closer / teach me, tell me, instruct me / i'm in desperate desperate desperate need for a father / for a teacher / for a seer / for a god / for a higher being / for a warmer body
