warnette imagines

the red on her knees....

(TW : Self harm, insecurities, blood, etc.)

(ELLA'S POV)

I realized something. Something about myself that just can't leave my mind. I open the door to the bathroom and I click the lights on. There's a big mirror in front of me, and I just can't help but stop to look at myself. I take a look at my waist, it's wide. I look at my nose, it's big. I look at my eyes , an ugly shade of blue that I can't stand. I look at myself all together, and all I feel is a fire burning in my heart. I don't understand why Aaron keeps telling me I'm beautiful. I honestly don't see it in me. I can't find one dot of beauty in myself, at all. 

I open the second drawer to my left, there I take the knife out of the drawer , and close it again. I stare at the ruby red pocket knife in my hand. I then push the blade out of it. I told myself I would never do this again, because I didn't want anyone to know. But it's a thing I've been doing for 4 months now. I push my pants off. Tears start forming in my eyes as I sit on the cold bathroom floor. My hand starts shaking heavily. I take the blade and place it on my bare skin, pushing it down, and into my legs. Once I'm done, I put the pocket knife back into the drawer. 

My legs are bleeding uncontrollably. I use tissues to soak up all the blood and after (approximately) 7  minutes, my legs stopped bleeding. I am about to get up when I hear a voice calling my name. "Ella" Aaron says. "Ella, where are you?". I almost freeze in my place. "I-I'm in the bathroom!" I say. "Ella you don't sound okay?" he says. "I-I'm okay! Don't worry!" I reply to him, quickly pulling my pants up and unlocking the door. 

(WARNER'S POV)

I see Ella coming out of the bathroom, looking quite terrified to be honest. "Are you okay? You don't look okay? Are you sick? Did you get your period? Are you hurt?" I say. A million of bad thoughts flash through my mind. "No no Aaron, I'm fine, I promise" she says, but I've known her long enough to know that that's bullshit. I feel a rush of anxiety and self-consciousness from her. And that's how I know something is up.

"Ella, what's the matter? I know something is wrong" I say, cornering her. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "No no no no Ella" I kiss her cheek "What's bothering you?" I say quietly. "I can't" she says. "Yes, yes you can" I say, lifting her chin with my hand. I would rather burn the entire world on fire than watch her feel like this. There's a million possibilities of what might be bothering her, and right now, I do not want to think about it. 

"I-I do this thing where-" she starts. I rub my thumb on her cheek, attempting to calm her down. "I do this thing where I-, I cut myself"...............

My mind starts drifting away from me and I can't seem to find it. I look around the room looking for it but, It's nowhere to be seen. It just vanished from my head. It's gone, and so is my heart. I look at her, lift her chin up to face me, and I say "Why? Please, please, please tell me why you would do such a thing to yourself?". She doesn't answer, just stares. "I want to see it" I say. She hesitates, but she eventually takes her pants off, and shows it to me. Tears start dropping from my eyes as I look at the cuts on her thighs. Those red, red cuts. All I see is red. Just red. There's scars that look old, and there's the new cuts. "How long have you been doing this for?" I ask. "About 4 months" she replies. Those 3 words were just enough to crush me, to crush my heart, my mind, my head, my body in all.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry Aaron" she says. I look up at her, and I repeat my question. "Why did you do this to yourself?" I ask, my tears start dropping onto her cuts, causing them to burn her a bit. That's when I realize what has been in front of me this entire time. Those times when she would tell me her insecure thoughts. When she would always deny her beauty. The waves of self-consciousness I got from her. She's insecure, and I just let it happen. I kiss her softly, so softly. "You are so beautiful, you don't even know the amount of beauty you hold, Ella" I say. "Believe me, I have never in my life ever seen a woman as beautiful as you are. And I will stand by that". 

I tell her to put on her jeans, and to get up. She does. I take her hand, kiss it, and I take her to the bathroom. I make her look in the mirror. I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. "Look, just look" I say. "Tell me what you don't like about yourself". I rest my chin on her shoulder, waiting for an answer. "My waist" she says. "And my eyes, and my legs". I pull her back closer to my chest. "What don't you like about them?" I say. "I wish my waist was thinner" she replies. I kneel down in front of her. I push her shirt slightly up, and I kiss her stomach. Front and the sides. Once I'm done, I push the shirt back down and I look up at her, and I say "I love your waist, I absolutely love it. It's perfect Ella. You are perfect, and I don't think I need to kiss every body part you dislike to show you that I love them, now do I?" She giggles.

"Now, I want to know where that knife is. The one you use to cut your thighs" I say. She bends down and opens the second drawer to her left, there, I see it, the pocket knife. It was one of the many gifts I got her for her 19th birthday. It had her name engraved on it. That ruby red knife. I take it from her and I hide it. "Please, Ella. Next time, please tell me. I need to know if you feel like this." I say. "Okay" she replies. She wraps her hands around my waist, hugging me tight. I hug her back. 

(1104 words)

Hello! Thank you so much for making it to the end! I know I haven't posted another part in forever but I'm back! I'd just like to add that if you sturggle with self harm to please seek help. And of course if you have any suggestions/recommendations feel free to comment them! I got a bit busy with exams and stuff but I'm finally free and I finally found the motivation and the idea. Byeeeee!