Not gone lie..fuck you. Just for the times you confused me and swear you loved me but had me second guessing it. Fuck you for having me wondering why was it so hard for you to just say good morning to me & text me back in the right amount of time??? Cause you were at work so I excused you for that and allowed you to text me when you could. You BARELY DID THAT SHIT. Fuck you for making me feel like I had to put up with this because "that's just how you are" you love me but it's gonna take you some time to show me fully that you want me. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, one day you're acting like my man the next you wanna just be friends and then you have the audacity to tell me you're not ready for a relationship & as much as I respected that and was patient w you... you had me forgetting me my worth!!! Do you know who I am? All I ever talk about is loving yourself. Fuck you because although the times were good, although we loved each other, although we tried & communicated as often as we did like a real couple did....You STILL didn't do enough! Although we cared a lot about each other—You STILL didn't cared enough to show me how much I meant to you and have the courage to go all in w me w this shit.. I was THERE, and then you pushed me away, you even broke my heart & I STILL kept trying with you. I still was there, I still was all in. Why couldn't you have been? Why couldn't have you given me all of you? I met the worse version of myself when you left, GOD, I felt the worse pain in my life by far when you left. I never cried so much ever. I saw a girl who came out at the end of a tunnel with her heart bleeding out & a knife in her hand committed of a crime she didn't commit, she looked gone, she wasn't herself. It was as if I grabbed the knife out of her hand & I became her, and when I became her I would look at myself in the mirror and try to understand what was wrong w me. I compared myself with all the other girls around me for a while, and said to myself "he would've wanted you," I slept off the pain & cried often. Sobbed other times. I kept telling myself "I can't", "I can't," I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everyday all I thought about was you. I was angry at myself for not just getting over you quick & how I knew you didn't felt this way as well. I literally felt myself physically weak. I felt my actual heart, break. Your biggest fear was me dropping you & me "never talking to you again" but that's because you loved the idea of me! You knew I was a girl full of worth & couldn't handle me, you didn't want to do what it took to keep me because if you lost me, that's that. Fuck you bruh. Maybe you weren't all the way complete honest w me as you thought. Cause that's some lame ass shit, you were on some loser ass shit w me! A man should know better to come and get ready to snatch me up about me! You had me negotiating my worth w you ... for that slight moment in the time I spent w you, I really truly forgot who tf I was! I can't believe I ever tolerated that because "that's just how you are" and we had something good... well good wasn't enough! I deserved better!! Way better. I'm talking to men freely now & deciding who deserves my time and all I'm thinking in the back of mind is ...what in the fuck was I ever doing w you?? They doing shit I don't even have to ask for but kept asking from youuu!! Fuck you bro. I will always love you in my heart, don't get me wrong. You are my first love. I will always care for you & wish you the best. Don't get me wrong...and one day it's gonna hit to you that you fucked up immensely letting me get away, but fuck you for the times you had me forgetting who tf I was, never in my life should've I delt with that shit and I'm glad I learned from this.
