Dear anxiety,
I think you keep me safe from harm. I think you keep me sane. I think you keep me warm in the dark.
I think a lot but you aren't those thoughts. You are the exact opposite of those thoughts.
See, I like to pretend that you are my gut feeling. I like to pretend that you are that warm blanket that keeps me hot on a cold night. I like to pretend a lot of things. But I can't keep pretending that you're something you aren't.
You're selfish, you're disgusting, you're a lot of things but a gut feeling isn't one. You make me feel unsafe. You make me feel like I'm about to die. You make my breathing shallow. You make me doubt every single thing in my life.
You are a horrible thing.
You aren't as pretty as people make you out to be. You aren't just "Oh I can't breathe" or a "Someone help me" you are something worse than that. It's more like "I can't breathe without you saying I'm doing it wrong and everyone is making fun of me for it" constantly.
Constant arguing inside my head about what to say to please everyone, but you can't please everyone. So which saying will please the most people? Which saying will be the least offensive? Which saying will make the most people happy?
The thought of not being able to please anyone is hurtful. The thought of not being able to please anyone feels like a crime to me. The thought of not being able to please anyone feels like being stabbed in the heart.
Instead of speaking my truth, I speak out of fear of being judged.
And that's not okay.
So thanks anxiety, for lying to me, for hurting me, for me not allowing me to trust anyone, for me feeling judged constantly, for me not being able to trust my brain. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Life
Short StoryIf this was my last chance to tell the world how I experienced it, let these letters be my testimony. All the grief, all the anxieties, all the curses of life, let this be my testimony. All the joys, happiness, and freeing moments, let this be my te...
