A Show of Faith

Chapter 17: Just taking out the trash.

Every good thing I had going on today, is gone. This whole dilemma of what to do is consuming me. Why do I have to be in the middle of this? It's not like I deserve it right? I rather just go home, but I am too weak to just say that.

The ride there is filled with Jin telling me all about his work these days, while I am lost in thought. He is usually talking about him only, so it's not new. I forgot what it was like to spend time with him.

Have I always felt this way with Jin? I can remember the nice times we had, but they are clouded by all the arguments we had. I really liked him, but I feel like it's a twisted fairytale in the back of my head.

That's exactly what happened when I think back to my time with Jin. The way he made me feel butterflies and melt my brain with his smooth talking. That's all that lingers, while I know we are not meant to be together. We are not a right fit. He always found a way to brush and talk right over the argument we had and pretend nothing happened. We didn't resolve anything.

'Jennie?' Jin pulls me out of my thoughts. 'We are here.'

'Right.' I tell him as I get out of the car and he leads me inside. We order some food and soju in the private room. We chat away about work mostly.

He is so charming and easy to talk to. I feel the buzz from the soju which makes me look at him with a small smile. He is so effortlessly handsome. I am just drifting on that pink little cloud that was left from me being with him as I push all the negative thoughts to the back of my mind.

'So tell me are you seeing anyone?' He asks me. 

'No....' I say simply. 

'Why not?' He asks me like it's the most logical thing ever. 

I laugh. 

'Is that a serious question? I think you know why...' I state. 

'Still hanging on to everything romantic?' He asks me. 

I nod. 

'And you wanting to settle down and have kids.' He adds. 

'Yeah....' I sigh. 

'What If I told you I am also ready to settle down....' He says with a warm smile. 

I almost choke on my sip of soju as that was the last thing I was expecting. 

'What?' I ask him, like I didn't hear him the first time. 

'Maybe it's time to take a step back and start a family.' He says as he looks at me. His eyes hold mine as I try to get my bearings. 

My mind is in overdrive. I am so confused, but a little happy at the same time? It's so mixed with other emotions and alcohol, that I don't know how to feel. 

'Would you let me take you home?' He asks me as he paid the bill and waits for me to answer. 

I don't know if he means home together as in we spend the night together or just dropping me off.

'I am still living with Parker, so if you could just drop me off, that would be nice.' I say almost guilty. I am not doing anything wrong, but it feels weird.

'Don't you have a spare room for him to sleep in?' He asks me suggestively. He is going fast on the having kids part. 

'I don't think you understand what happens if I would take you home with me....' I state as I am unsure as to why he is so persistent and would even suggest that.

'Another time then.' He says with a smile as he gets up. We leave the restaurant and he leads me back to his car.

He opens the door for me and I get in. He gets in and starts the car. As he starts driving there is some slow music playing. He gently places his hand on my knee as he drives.