Letters from the Other Side

7. My thoughts on Social Media

1 November 2014 at 9:24pm (34 years old)

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Social Media and how it's changed our lives. As one does. (Yeah, I know I'm a nerd.) One thing I love about Facebook and Twitter is the give and take of new ideas. It helps me destress too because I can just read a lot of new, interesting facts quickly without a lot of concentration needed and I'm totally up to date on what's going on in the world. (We're always so interested in knowing what's going on in the world around us. It's not to gather fodder for the gossip mill at all. Never.)

What bothers me is, like a bad script, it turns us into two-dimensional characters. We're all complex beings. (Just ask your family. They'll gladly tell you what a big jackass you are). 140 characters, or short status updates, can't really get to the bottom of how full of nonsense you are and all your idiosyncrasies! (Deep!) For example you post lots of jokes, so you get labelled the jokester or you have a bad day and vent and then you're forever labelled a troll. (Yes, everything I mention here I've learned from my own stupid mistakes on Social Media and my nearest and dearest gleefully pointing it out, of course.)

Another con is addiction. Man, you really have to be careful, there's a fine line between being entertained and getting addicted. For everyone it's different. All I know is it can really hook you and then you're entangled. You have to control it. Not it you. It's tricky. I try to follow the 1:2 rule. For every one day online, I spend two days offline. If it's a good week 1:4. But that's when it's a really good week! A lot of people I know delete their accounts completely because of this problem. I respect that but I prefer to try and control it by my 1:4 method. To each his own, right? Birds of a feather flock together. 

Then there's the sleep problems. I used to struggle with Insomnia and couldn't figure out why. Then for a couple of nights I went to bed really early without scrolling on Social Media right before I went to bed and BAM! no more Insomnia. It was a miracle! (#FacePalmSlap)

It's still worth it, though. It's still the best way to keep in touch with friends overseas. I try to keep it small. Last year I "culled" or unfriended about a 100 acquaintances because I just didn't 'know' any of them, you know? It's a tool for good or evil. Just like Pumbaa's fart in "The Lion King", it can chase your friends, screaming, for the hills but it can also hit your foes right between the eyes. Depends on how you use it. #Weapon #Tool

Another con of Social Media is it can very quickly spiral out of control into "Miscommunication 101". Nothing beats looking someone in the eye, hearing their tone of voice and seeing their body language. Face to face is still the best. (I sound like my Grandma. Turns out they knew a thing or two). You just end up getting completely misunderstood if you try to connect in a deeper way on Social Media. (Stalker Alert!) The fact is we're all so different, think differently, see things differently, not to mention the cultural differences and language barriers. So it's really no use trying to get deep on Social Media. It will be shallow and two-dimensional. And that's okay.

Lastly, another pro of Social Media is that us Introverts get to be chatterboxes and babble on and talk the ears off every Extrovert until they wish we'd shut up again. We'd never share our thoughts with strangers but now they have to sit through our 3 hour discourse on "Fun with Flags" by Doctor Sheldon Cooper ("The Big Bang Theory"). The downside is we "overshare", like right now, which really just causes problems in the long run seeing as it's Miscommunication 101. You see the vicious cycle here? Oversharing is a con. You really just hurt yourself. I put my foot in my mouth. Albeit figuratively. Extroverts, so is this how it feels?

Lots of people ask what's wrong with oversharing? I did Method Acting and the first lesson we were taught was to be emotionally honest. Which does wonders in acting. But it sucks in real life! Why? Oversharing makes the sharer feel exposed and vulnerable. Sharing deep secrets should be done with intimate friends who love, accept and don't judge you by appearances. When you share negatives (thoughts, feelings, ideas etc.) the innocent bystanders will always think you mean them. It's always the good ones who do. Miscommunication 101. They will feel crap. The culprit (whom you've subtly, never directly of course) targeted with your tweets will enjoy watching you making a fool of yourself. You feel crap. Secretly the culprit really does get it and feels crap. Everybody loses. Game over. The crap is all over the fan.

And that my friends is "The Game of (social media) Thrones". So oversharing just isn't wise. I know the irony in my little essay is that I'm oversharing right now. But I thought if just one other person could find their way in this vast maelstrom of confusion called Social Media, it would be worth it. Please learn from my dumbass mistakes and welcome.

A tool I've taught myself, when I had the urge to vent, is the 24 Hour Rule. If I feel like writing something that borders on oversharing, I ask myself: "Am I emotional, upset, depressed or angry?". If the answer is yes to any of these questions, I wait 24 hours before I type anything. I write it down, Old School, on a piece of paper. Usually by the next day I'm so freaking grateful I kept my digital mouth shut and didn't post it. If I already posted it, I delete it. But that's really already too late. So, the 24 Hour Rule has saved my skin many times.

The biggest pros of social media are still having fun and meeting diverse and interesting, new people. Albeit only as a beginning to a relationship. Social media will not be able to sustain a relationship for long. Actually it will annihilate it if it never moves into the real world!

I conclude: use it for fun, swim in shallow waters, don't overshare, don't take it too seriously and it'll be awesome, my Internet pal!

Professor Yvetta Bobetswetta van Os :)