Letters from the Other Side

4.1.4 The Thai bloodhound and the blonde, culture shocks and tropical blues

Fourth newsletter

2 October 2006

Did you know that in Thailand they only have showers and not baths and that there are only cold water taps (faucets)? The first time I realized this I wondered how I would ever be able to abide the cold water. But now I think a cold shower, in this heat, is the most refreshing thing ever.

It doesn't cool down in the evenings as it does in South Africa. That bloody humidity! In South Africa, if you stand in the shade under a tree, then you cool off. Only the sun is a source of heat. Not here. Even if you stand under a tree, in the shade, even if you take the sun away, the heat is in the air around you. It's in the breeze. You simply can't escape it. Only aircon can get the better of that monster!

Another interesting fact about Thailand, which I haven't told you yet, is that Thailand has, not only its own language but also its own script. Their alphabet does not consist of an A, B, C as ours does, their letters look like something between Indian script and Chinese script. It reminds me a lot of the shape of the temples and houses roofs. It starts with a point at the top and then, as in a triangle, it comes down and the ends curl out (like the point of an Arabian shoe).

By this time I have also experienced my first culture shocks. Here follows a list:

1. Here someone will easily make fun of your fat body or arms and it's a sign that they like you. (If you are fat it means that you have lots of food and you must surely be rich).

2. The people are very friendly and want to help in any way they can. The other day I went to a restaurant and it took about half an hour, lots of hand gestures, picture drawings and everyone in the neighbourhood calling anyone who can speak a little better broken English than the next guy, to try and understand the poor, lost "falang", so I could place my order.

3. The Thais eat almost no beef. It's because they're Buddhists and they are peace-loving and believe in not killing. They believe the cow is a useful animal because it gives milk and because it's big they don't want to kill it. My question is just this: what about all the chickens they slaughter in droves? They give us eggs, don't they? And what about pigs? They're big animals too. The people here are big on pork (with rice and noodles). They eat a small bowl of soup with their meal. On my first day here I tasted it. Man, it's tastes like wet dog! It tastes and looks like warm, salt water with pieces of vegetable, pork and drops of oil floating on top.

4. Young ladies may not go out with a young man without a "chaperone" and the guy will only ask her out if he plans to marry her. This is a very traditional and conservative town I live in.

5. A lady must always cover her shoulders. In other words, in this intense heat, as a respectable teacher, no sleeveless shirts for me. Cry. Cry.

6. Thailand is a monarchy. They are absolutely crazy about their king. He was a good king and convinced the opium farmers to plant food instead. His picture gets pride of place above our heads on almost every building, next to and above roads, in schools and in shops. They see him in the same light as Buddha. Almost as a god. Everywhere I go I see the same King's calendar. 2006 is the king's 60th reigning year. At the moment, he is the only, longest living monarch in the world. They are very proud of their king. He is quite old now, probably in his eighties. (This is the land of the movies "The King and I" and "Anna and the king". They don't like those movies, by the way. Anna didn't show proper respect. And who was she anyway? Too big for her shoes. Bloody foreigner!) Every Monday most people wear a yellow golf shirt. In Thailand every day has a colour and the king's colour is yellow because he was born on a Monday. Therefore Thailand wears yellow golf shirts every Monday.