Sunflower || JJ Maybank/Cassandra Routledge

22. Promises To Keep

Midsummers 5.01

Instead, she heads in the direction of the one person who has unknowingly deterred her from falling down that path day in and day out.

As the Kildare County SUV disappears down the road, Casey's world goes silent and she falls to the ground, burying her face into her hands. She doesn't hear Pope cursing the world as he slams his hat on the ground, and storms off, back into the shop. Everything is silent as her heart beat continues to rise. She can feel it wanting to beat out of her chest while her tears don't stop streaming down her face. How can she let this happen? How can she not do, or say, anything to stop JJ from ruining his life? Why didn't she step in like she usually does?

As the negative, and mentally draining, thoughts continue to cloud her mind, Casey has trouble catching her breath, fearing what is going to happen to JJ. Just last night, they were happy, together, not a care in the world. Now, he's been arrested with no indication of the consequences for taking the fall for Pope.

Before these thoughts completely debilitate her, a hand grabbing her shoulder makes her flinch. She tries to shrug them off but they don't leave. Instead, they grab on tighter. Not tight enough to hurt her, but enough to get her attention. Even though she opens her eyes to see who is forcefully grabbing her, she can barely see through her tears. All she can make out, to tell her it's Kiara, are the curls hanging in her friend's face. She knows Kiara is trying to get her attention, to rescue her from this hell in her mind, but she doesn't want to be saved right now. She does not want to be pulled away from this sadness because it is her fault. She didn't step in. She didn't think fast enough.

Although every bone in her body is telling her this is all her fault, a voice, similar to JJ's, starts to creep in, telling her to stop. To drop this. This is not her fault. She had no control. He did it all to save her and Pope. He knew. He knew the entire time she was going to do something stupid, which is why he beat her to it. He took the burden, so she wouldn't have to.

Finally, even though it feels impossible, she starts to listen to the voice and comes to the realization that she doesn't need to take the blame for this. As soon as that comes to fruition in her mind, she sniffles and practically jumps onto Kiara, wrapping her arms around her friend.

Kiara thankfully catches herself from falling backwards, and doesn't hesitate to pull Casey close to herself. Tears begin to tempt her eyes, but she can't let them fall. No matter how she is feeling, she knows she is not the one who needs reassurance. She is not the one that needs support right now, meaning she has to be strong. "Casey?" She whispers, trying to test the severity of her breakdown. If she can get Casey to speak, she can get through, but if not, then this is going to be ten times harder. "Hey, you gotta breathe, okay?" The Routledge girl can barely hear her friend desperately trying to comfort her through her own sobbing. It feels as if her entire world is falling apart at the seams. She has no idea where her brother is and now, JJ has been taken. "Casey, hey." Kiara tries again. She pulls away and places her hands on the girl's cheek. She knows she needs to get Casey to come back to reality. Crying in the middle of the street is not going to help anyone. "Hey, he's gonna be alright, okay? JJ's strong. Stronger than all of us."

"No." Casey manages to say. She shakes her head as she finally locks eyes with Kiara. She can feel herself breaking apart as the words leave her mouth. She doesn't want the Pogues to know what she knows, but she can't stop herself from telling the truth of what is going on with JJ. "He's not. He's scared. He's always scared."

Kiara's breath catches in her throat. She knows that is the truth, but hearing it is hard. Similar to Casey, she's known for years JJ has been on edge, even when he didn't need to be, because he is always terrified something is going to happen. But she, and everyone else, would ignore it and pretend it was not happening because they didn't want to put pressure on him. They didn't want to make him think they are hyper focused on everything he does. But now, she can't ignore it anymore. She has to acknowledge that JJ may seem like the strong one, but deep down, he is the one that is constantly struggling. But that can not be her focus right now. It is good to acknowledge that one of the Pogues is struggling, but when he is nowhere to be seen, she can't do anything about it. She can only help the one sitting here, sobbing into her arms. "Casey, you have to calm yourself down, okay? You gotta get control. JJ's not here, so you need to do it yourself. Can you do that for me?"