My life has become shitter ever since the 15th-16th of December, I physically couldn't go to work that Saturday with the fact my family are going back to their old selves. I mentally and physically can't cope with this again, it's gotten worse (22nd-23rd), it's physically hurting my parent now. Luckily they haven't ended up in hospital, but I can't keep looking after both of them when they're in a position I can't cope with.
Thankfully I wasn't alone during the time, I'm so grateful for my boyfriend for helping me through these rough time. I had hoped my family had gotten better since it's normally around Christmas to my birthday injuries accrue between each other, but I had been dreaming.
They wonder why I don't stay long with any of my family members while drinking, but only if they knew. I can't get any of these images nor voices out of my head, especially my brothers. I rather move out at this rate but same time I don't, I'm worried one of them will do something worse while I'm gone. I'm afraid to leave them alone in a state like that, it put me in a bad position for allowing my partner to witness some type of harm my parent caused for themself.
I hope someday they'll realise they need to stop and be more smart of their limits. And everyone wonders why I rather not be around people who are intoxicated with alcohol...
One good outcome was that I could let things out without feeling bad after because they couldn't remember, but even though they can't remember I got that urge out of my system which I am thankful in a way for. I still rather them to not drink so much though.
