I feel dull
19/08/23
00:27
I feel so dull
Like I feel nothing at all
There's nothing for me to feel and I don't know what's wrong this time nothing has set me off until I walked back into my bedroom after sitting downstairs for a bit
My parents had a tiff since my mum found a pill on the seat where my brother had sat and it said Friday on it so my mum recons it's a pill (drug)
She mentioned what she thought it was to my dad and he started saying "you always make everything worse than what it has to be" he's convinced it's a contraceptive pill even though I know it's not and so does my mum since it's a silver packaging but in the uk it's green
I think that's what set me off but never fully hit me until I came in my room
I miss my uncle
I have his meal of grief tomorrow with my family (aside from my mum since she doesn't like India food and smells)
I wish he was going
It's hard to think he's gone
I have his car now even though I can't drive but my dad is going to sell it and use the money for cancer research
I have no issue since I agree with what he's doing
I just wish he didn't go so soon
He couldn't celebrate his dads 80th birthday with us instead at the time he was stuck in the hospital
I miss him so much
I'm physically in pain with how much my body aches to see him again
I want to visit him
And be with him forever even though he wouldn't want me to
I hope he's happy
And not in pain no more
I will forever love him and my uncle Bobby
Come home
I miss you
Ste
I miss our old days out
I want to go back to the cafe you took me to have my first coke and ice cream float
I introduced it to my boyfriend and his family
They loved it after being so sceptical about it at first
So much love
I wish you was here
I don't need no body but you right now
I need to find the teddy he got me
Only if I could've gave you a teddy like you did when I was really ill
I don't know what to do with myself now that your gone
Who am I going to have a scare from when I heard your laugh outside my garden with my dad
Who am I going to be welcomed by when I visit nan and grandad
Who am I going to talk to about my plans
Who am I going to walk into town and walk past your old shop
You use to sit in work with boredom of doing tests and we use to laugh about how boring they are since you had to do the same test over and over and still got everything right when you was tired and wide awake
Your time has gone
But your soul has started
You use to give me the feeling I never felt before
Love from a uncle who was there all the time
Uncle Bobby was always drinking so I only had you to talk too the most
I wish you was there
It's sad that I'm not going to receive your cards for my birthday no more
Your handwriting has been erased
I'm going to miss seeing it every year on the 2nd
It was always my first card I opened
I'm never going to see it no more
I cry and plead that you won
You won without pain no more
But I wish you won at survived
I love it that you won in no pain but I hate it at the same time that your gone
Run from this earth and become who you really wanted to be
I'm sure you would be happy
I miss wish you was here
Deep down
I wished I had gotten it and not you
I wished you never left me in the end
But I beg for you to be happy and not in any pain no more
I don't know what I would've done if I was older
I would've ran from the day light
I hate it at the same time
Run from the day light
Fly into the sky
Be in no more pain
Carry on your happiness
Be in peace
It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since you left
I miss you so much
