Please Kill Me

Vol. 1 Chapter 2.2

No one knows why my mother, who was uniquely beautiful and pitiful, ended up in the remote outskirts of Stradfordshire, becoming the wife of a serf, without a trace of noble lineage. As a wet nurse, selling her milk to survive, my mother, Ines, possessed an exquisiteness that was excessively delicate and refined. Even when dressed in a servant's attire, after discarding the coarse rags soaked with milk, it was a kind of allure that would make any man tear her clothes and make her moan.

"Just when the birth mother died and the baby had to be fed with boiled oatmeal instead of milk, making me worried about the  baby's growth being slow. But to my surprise, someone came here wanting to become a wet nurse with her own feet. It turned out really well."

Madelina, the head maid, said, staring at my mother's breasts.

"Still, if you're going to nurse the precious baby of the Count, you should properly cleanse yourself. Who knows what you might have touched."

Then she opened the kitchen door and pointed to a wooden barrel placed haphazardly outside. Despite my mother having lost consciousness in the rather harsh weather and having regained consciousness only a short while ago, there was no time to hide things from the head maid's piercing gaze.

The water contained within the large wooden barrel, resembling a small boat, had already turned chillingly cold. Feeling shame was a privilege allowed only to the nobles. As soon as the head maid's command was given, my mother obediently removed her clothes without any resistance. The worn-out clothes, barely covering my mother's body and having served their last purpose by providing milk and wearing out, fell off with a light thud.

However, between my mother's legs, the stream of blood that had been flowing since giving birth to the baby had not subsided. As she barely immersed half of her body in the freezing cold water, my mother's teeth trembled, and a shiver ran through her entire body. It seemed like even her facial muscles were contorting. If the head maid hadn't grabbed her shoulders and pressed down, my mother, who was prepared to sacrifice everything, would not have been able to immerse her entire body in the water with her own senses and willpower.

As a young child, I trembled in fear while watching this tragic sight, but I couldn't be of any help. Then, the head maid, Madelina, grabbed a large pine branch and mercilessly thrashed my mother's fragile body, which was terrifying in itself. The shallow excitement that I had felt, thinking that I would be able to eat something, vanished in an instant.

"The price for receiving new clothes is to do as told. Despite your dirty and contorted body, it seems that your milk is about to burst out immediately. This baby will survive."

I couldn't understand what she was saying. I didn't want to know. The baby Madelina was talking about might live, but I had a feeling that my mother and I might die.

* * *

That night, my mother immediately became the nanny of the nobleman's baby. She wore a light and spacious poplin dress and was led straight into the room with the baby's cradle.

As soon as she held the baby in her arms and began breastfeeding, my mother's expression became incredibly gentle. The baby softly closed its eyes and squirmed slightly, but never cried. Is she mistaking it for the baby she had carried in her womb for nine months? I couldn't fathom my mother's inner thoughts at all.

The baby stubbornly suckled on my mother's breast. Even after draining both breasts, it continued to suck vigorously. Watching the milk flow from one side while nursing on the other, I found myself unconsciously developing a desire for it as well. It was just an instinctual longing to suckle.

"For now, eat this."

A young maid, around twelve or thirteen years old, who was taller than me but not yet an adult, approached carrying a long rectangular tray and placed it on the floor of the cradle room. There was no separate space with a table for adults to dine. As the baby unlatched from the breast, my mother also laid the baby in the cradle and sat on the floor. I anxiously stuck close to the tray as the maid set it down and left.